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My son is an alcoholic and lm stuck
My son is 38 and an alcoholic... and it's debilitating... Do l detach? L can't, my mother instincts won't allow me to.. He's a binge drinker which makes it hard cause he can be pretty good half the time... but really, it's a roller coaster relationship and l put up with the unpredictable just to give him some normality... l can't give up on him.
As well as being an alcoholic he's gay and leads an active social life where he gets dressed up in flamboyant attire... which he may take off piece by piece as the night wears on... His outfits attract much attention.. good and bad, he doesn't wear dresses, they are like walking pieces of art.. as he is a fantastic artist as well.. l've sold over a dozen of his works in the last couple of years and l love his humour and company. L was 16 when l had him so l was detached really the first year and a half until l had my daughter... so he hasn't met his father and my second partner struggled with him.. so not a good beginning.. In saying this we are relativity middle class and have worked hard to achieve a decent life style. He could have a terrific life but he gets on a binge and that's it... I've gotten him jobs, sold paintings, given him accommodation, surrounded him with his lovely friends but no... now he lives in a down and out boarding house on the dole.. Forever losing his phone.. messing up then cleaning up his room.. It's painful and l take a day at a time... l'm forever kicking myself for falling into the mother trap of "telling him what he should be doing" which really annoys him, understandably.. but his pain gives me pain... The father issue is a big one which he constantly babbles about when he's drunk... L go to Al-Anon and yoga and after 30yrs of a turbulent marriage, where l made the abnormal normal, am now divorced and have a wonderful partner of 4 yrs who gives me strength and love... but my son's situation l find very debilitating and fear his mental state of mind is suffering. Any suggestions or advice? |
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If he were my son, I would love him with all my heart as I have been doing and just know that he is who is his with all his demons. There is nothing I can do to change him. He has to want the change, and I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do.
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