[BigBaggage]

Hello Community,

Allow me to start by saying that I am splitting in two parts right now. One part tells me to keep trying and another one tells me to move on.

We've had our "teen thing" going for about 3 years, so the gap from 13 to 16 years is not that big. When I was 16 I moved to another country.

2 years later, I've received a random message on Messenger from her, saying "how are you?" and all that stuff. We started to talk and eventually ended up discussing the "old times", when, in fact, I got emotional, and put everything I've been holding in me for years on the table. Told her that I still love her. She listened, said that she was sorry, told me many sweet things that she never forgot me and that she really cherishes that she had me, if only she didn't screw up, she would want our relationship to continue. We've agreed, so as soon as I had my spring break, I've decided to give her a visit.

She did tell me stories, however, about her ex-boyfriend. She told me that he was treating her like , but also she added that he's not as bad. Even though I was there, with her, with my limited time (as I was on my spring break), she was still seeing her ex, even though before I came to visit her, she told me that she doesn't talk to him anymore. (They've been together for 2 years, 1 month of which they've spent as a couple, the rest of that time they've spent as friends with benefits). After bringing the subject with her about what's happening, she was telling me about her ex, and my opinion has changed about him. Once thought that it's better if he disappears, I started to think, maybe he's just being friends, you know, nothing major, nothing serious. I decided to contact him and meet him to see what he's like. We ended up being friends. She still continued seeing him all the time, up to a point when my spring break was almost over, so I had to leave. So I left.

Less than a month later, she messaged me saying that she had an argument with him and that she feels very bad about it and that she stopped talking to him for good. I decided to get her out of there so I bought her a ticket, so I could get her as far as possible from that place.

So she arrived. Everything seemed perfect. Knowing that she doesn't talk to him anymore, I was calm, confident and ready to roll. Up to a point. She was constantly using her laptop, and at times, I've noticed, she kept turning away the screen and began thoroughly typing things. She would spend hours doing that, without any attention to him. So once, while on my way to the bathroom I've had a glimpse with the side of my eye at her screen, and I saw that it was her ex who she was messaging with. I hijacked it. As I found out, she was lying to me all the time and in reality they both have planned to use her as a bait, in order for her to get a job, her own place, dump me, so then he could come and live with her happily ever after.

Despite the facts in front of my eyes, I still believed her when she said that it's all a lie and that things have changed. She finally stopped talking to him.

We got on with our life and a couple of months later found our own place. Things have been going fantastic until one day, she decided to confess about things she's done. Cheated. She admitted that she slept with her ex 5 times!! While being in a relationship with me (plus he filmed her). I knew that I had to leave. But I couldn't. Not because I was so attached to her, but because I was responsible for her. I stayed. I've been trying to ignore her confessions and get over it, but it was just too much. So I became paranoid. During arguments I would always remind her of the fact that she cheated.

1 year has passed. We've had our good moments and bad moments. I've received some kind of tick in my brain and decided to start talking with her ex. After all, I thought that it's not the guy's fault that the girl is spreading her legs and after all, we were friends, not all the time, but I've had this feeling that me and him are very alike. Our friendship has grown strong. He almost became my best friend.

2 years later (almost present time). Me and her decided to book a holiday back in our country to see our families, friends, etc, including our Mutual friend - "ex". That's where bull has started again. Most of the time we've been always hanging around together, me, her and "ex". I've started to notice that something is not right. When we were hanging out, I felt like I don't belong there. She kept spending time with him. Later I've found out that she was looking at him as a "potential" boyfriend, if only he hasn't had a crush on another girl. But it doesn't change the way she feels about him, with his crush or without. There have been many moments and many "encounters" that I didn't like.

So our holiday has come to an end. As soon as I've arrived home (we had different planes) she was at work. So I simply packed my stuff and left.
She was devastated by my move. We have come to a conclusion that the problem is that we've never had a proper start of our relationship. We started to date. Good times.

A couple of weeks later I had to move to another city for work, which means that we won't be able to date as often. So I moved. She was still talking to her "ex" and we've barely even talked at all. I didn't like it. Then I told her to cut the crap with him, it's either me or him. She said that he's just a friend and all that, but I said that I can't see anything friendly between them, so she had to get over him and never talk to him again. So she did... for a day. She started crying, saying how much he missed him, said that he was the only distraction for her since I left to another city leaving her all alone by herself. Made me think that they are truly friends, and I changed my mind about it.

After some time, she admitted that she still loves him. We decided to break up (again). Then after a couple of days/weeks she told me that it was a mistake of hers when she thought that she loved him. But during the period when she "loved" him and we broke up, she bought him a ticket. Just so he could come and spend some time as a holiday, away from his personal problems out there. He didn't wanted to come at first because of me. So he told her to dump me or he won't come. After that, their "love story" continued. She was sending him naked pictures of herself. All the fancy stuff, however, I've never had any naked pictures of her. Besides, he's just a friend and got them on request!

However, we were still seeing each other. Then he has finally arrived. Everything seemed normal. (His ticket was one-way, so no one knows when he's leaving). He lives with her now for over a month, lives in the same place where we lived together for over a year. They sleep in the same bed, however, "nothing happens between them". The amount of time we used to spend together even while I was living in another city and used to come over the weekend has greatly decreased ever since. I understand that she invited him on a holiday, wants to show him the city, it's normal to spend time with your guest. But it's been over a month like that, so I told her recently to stop "babysitting" because there's no return date on his ticket, you have to sort out your personal life. I clearly made her understand that he's an obstacle.

1 day later. We got in contact. She said she doesn't want a relationship. She said that she's not ready and she thinks that I'm not ready. She says that he helped her open her eyes on reality, and the reality is that she has to take care of herself first, cosmetically, mentally, etc. She says that she needs space. I offered he space without her losing me, she said no.

And here I am, writing a story of my life.

What can I do and is it the end?
Any questions are welcomed as well.

[talaniman]

As I found out, she was lying to me all the time and in reality they both have planned to use her as a bait, in order for her to get a job, her own place, dump me, so then he could come and live with her happily ever after.

Despite the facts in front of my eyes, I still believed her when she said that it's all a lie and that things have changed. She finally stopped talking to him.

Yes it's the END! Been over for a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time. You just never let go. Do so NOW!!

[BigBaggage]

Yes its the END!! Been over for a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time. You just never let go. Do so NOW!!!!

By quoting me, are you trying to say, that it was all lead to the thing that they've planned together in the beginning? I mean, her getting a place, job and all that, so he could come... nevermind. I understand.