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WeAreLost · Mar 12, 2007, 11:04 AM

This is my first answer or question also my 1st time here. I'd like to applaud everyone for all the emotional and informational thinking I've read today, thanks. Anyway, I got to this website asking Google a question, "My 15 year old daughter won't do her homework." I only mention this because the issue is very very scary as each day and week and year goes by. She has been pushed into circumstances that were beyond our control, my wife 7 years ago had an anyersm and that resulted in all here short term memory messed up and 20 some years of long term, and then me becoming disabled due to childhood leg disease and losing a business that when everything settled I lost my home my wife went to an adult living facility and my daughter and I went to my moms. Another daughter went away to college 4 years ago, that's when we went to my moms.Shortly, after being there my mom like freaked on me ordering to leave after 6 ,months. Now, 2 years later I believe the problem is that she ,my Mom never accepted me. As a baby I had medical problems and then again at 11 and it was then my Mom has said to me that because of me my Dad came back to live at home they were in the middle of disolving there marrige and that she ened up waisting 3 years trying to fix their marriage. I guess my Mom said that since I had to be home for 1 or 2 or 10 years, nobody knew then, she'd guilt trip my Dad to come home. I know that she put him through a lot and my Dad put her through a lot. But back to the original question, Im convinced positive she acts like I'm nothing but ttrouble and would like me to drop dead and what she would like to keep which she would always say was my 2 children were perfect and they were. Additionally, my Mom says outwardly my dad and her only wanted 1 child as long as it was a girl 4 boys later they both quit. Me having 2 one the first really is perfect and Im blessed with her and my other Im also blessed even though she never does her homework and her older sister I never even had to mention homework and she graduatwed 7 in a large high school and is graduating UOM and going to UM law school next year. Just because I have problems with My 15 yr now I don't favor either more as matter of fact she would say to me I ypour favorite all the time and Id say yes just like your sister. I always try to be fair because I know what it like to be shafted as a unwanted child myself. Its only become castistrofic to me recently I crying day and night to myself and have no to talk to. Besides I take it because there nothing Im going to change now. But if I could I wouldn't wish that on anyone . Really it was like after 50 years I figured out my mom would rather see me dead that alive for all her selfish rreasons.
Any response to any portion is appreciated.

shygrneyzs · Mar 12, 2007, 04:36 PM

Have you been to a doctor for your symptoms of depression? What about your daughter? Can the both of you go to a family therapist and seriously talk about what is going on. Your daughter is not doing her homework - does she say why? Does she not care? How are her grades? Is she responding this way to life's events by not doing her homework? How is she otherwise? One thing I would hope, that you do not compare her to your other daughter, to her face.

Since you are disabled, why can't you get into some housing for people with disabilties? Get out of your Mothers place ASAP. That is a no win, no good, absolutely negative place to be. Living in a shelter might even be better than living with your Mother. Just because she is your Mother, does not mean she has any natural instinctive love for you. As you have stated, it shows. I would not stay where I was continually reminded about how I was unwanted.

If you do not have a therapist to talk to, please at least see your pastor. If you are not going to church, think about getting involved in one. You need to do something positive to take that gloom cloud off you and off your daughter.

JoeCanada76 · Mar 12, 2007, 05:01 PM

There are many many issues here that need to be addressed. For one thing the issue you brought up about your daughter not doing her homework, this is least of your worries. There are many children that have trouble with homework. They need our understanding. They need our patience. I honestly do not think that is the reason for your post.

Your post mostly talks about YOU, YOUR experience WITH YOUR MOTHER. The majority of the post tells me that your problems or your issues are with your mother, not your daughter.

If you truly feel that your mother does not like you, why be around her. Why even contact her. Your sanity is more important. You can not control how somebody else feels. Sometimes the best thing to do is stop contact.

Now counseling. It is important that you actually came here for help and I applaud you for doing it. This is the biggest start of getting help, is actually asking for it.

Now you need to seek a counseler for you. I do not think it is necessary for your daughter but it would not hurt. Your emotions, your feelings towards your mother whether you realize this or not has a big impact on your daughter. If you got out of that situation with your mother and start focusing more on your daughter I guarantee you with time and patience things would get better.

Hope this helps.

Joe