[Confused1515]

My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years and have had a really strong relationship until he changed jobs and became a police officer. His new job meant he worked a lot of late/night shifts and very rarely got a weekend off. Because of him always working different hours to me we were spending less and less time together.

A new girl has started at his work and I have noticed that my fiancée is dressing up more (putting tanning lotion on and shaving his chest which he hasn't done in years!).

One day his mobile beeped and just before he picked up the phone I could see what I thought said "Date night tomorrow then" I asked who it was from and he said it was work. My heart sank and I couldn't stop thinking about what I saw so I snuck into his phone the next day only to find that he had deleted all the text messages between them.

I told my fiancée that I needed to talk but he said he wanted to go first. He said he had been texting and flirting with the new girl at work. He said it was nothing for me to worry about and that she was 10 years younger than him and wouldn't be interested in him anyway. It made him realize how much he misses me and wants to get our "mojo" back.

On one hand I am proud that he was able to be open and honest with me but on the other hand he is still texting her and says the flirting is harmless which makes me very uncomfortable. I don't know what to do and need advice?!

[smoothy]

He's playing a dangerous game... because while what he said, right now might actually be factual and accurat... but its way too easy for feelings to change and that line to be crossed while doing it... access is the key point here... if soemone is physically far away... as in very far away... that lack of access keeps things honest... but someone close by... and certainly if you see them frequently... well, that's just playing with fire. And I am a guy saying this.

[Confused1515]

I agree with you. I do believe my fiancé is playing with fire. He works with her everyday so he see's her regularly. And I can't tell him to quit his job to stop him having regular contact with her. My question is, what do I do? I need advice as to what to do next...

[talaniman]

You tell him if he cannot let you meet the people he works with, or FLIRTS with, then he just shouldn't be flirting or texting, harmless or NOT.

You both must define and agree upon rules of good behavior so misunderstandings don't happen.