[o0jess86220o]

I am a parent of a 24 yr old daughter who has been out of control since she was in 8th grade. We have tried everything possible to get her on the right track and nothing we do or say helps her. Within the last 4 years she has cost us about $10,000 or more. First of all she started dating a guy who was a drug dealer, on probation, been shot 9 times (once when my daughter was with him), and had recently blew up his ex girlfriends car and did not know why we would not accept him. We tried to get her to come home and be with her family but they ended up dating for 2 years and in that two years he beat her several times, threatened to kill my husband, and was finally arrested for having guns in their apartment and is now in jail for 8 years (thank goodness). Since she was 16 we have helped her pay for about 6 cars which she has either trashed or given to an ex boyfriend. After her ex boyfriend was arrested she came home and we thought maybe this time she would change but now she has stopped paying her car payments, doesn't have insurance, had her car towed because she didn't pay on parking tickets, has a boyfriend that doesn't have a phone, job or car, and expects us once again to bail her out. She had been living with her boyfriend and his family but since she doesn't have a car... she doesn't have anything to offer them. If she would have just paid her parking tickets it would have cost $200 but now since it was towed the bill is at $1500 and going up by the day. She works out of town and since she doesn't have a car we have to drive her back and forth to work. She also is obese and lays around the house all day, eats us out of house and home, and has a negative attitude towards everything. We have given her nothing but love and support but that doesn't seem to be working. I cannot take her living at my home any longer because all we do is fight and she is old enough to be on her own. So do I pay for her to get her car which will be $1500 and tell her to leave and then a month later she will be back asking for more money? Or do I pay and tell her to stay at home but have no contact with anyone from her past? Or do I not pay and keep driving her to work until she gets enough money to pay for things herself? Please someone give me some kind of advice so I can finally figure out what to do...

[Squiffy]

What I would do is not pay anything, and tell her she has to start acting like a grown up and fend for herself. Tell her she has a month to find a job and an apartment or she is out. She will not change as long as you bail her out. I am only 4 years older than her and I would never expect my parents to do anything like this!

[tinsign]

NO as a parent you raised her the best you could
From the sounds of it you are just giving her a easy life sort of like ( oh it's okay no matter what jam I get into my parents will handle it and still give me money)
Do her and yourself an enormous favor let her grow up she has a job give her 2 weeks to save and find a place, and then the door remains closed for moving back in.
It might be hard but don't you think it is time for you to have an enjoyable life now? After all hun she is 24 a legal adult let her swim or sink now.

[Fr_Chuck]

How about not paying, telling he Iam sorry, don't know what you are going to do

You are allowing her to be irresponsible, because she knows you will pay for it and fix it.

Time to say NO and let her worry about it all on her own,

[JoeCanada76]

I am sorry but as parents your part of the problem. You pay and do everything for your daughter and I would say that is a major part of the problem. It is time to say no and stop paying for things and if she does not abide by your rules it is time to kick her out of the house. It is time for some tough love.

Good luck with everything.

Joe