Why might she do this?

ace1978 · Mar 11, 2007, 04:15 PM

Well by now from my other posts, most of you are aware of my situation. My ex calling for sex even though she told me she's enjoying her freedom. Well, I should have taken the advice of all of you because she was drunk last night and called me at 3:30 in the morning wanting or pretending to want sex. I say pretending because what she did was the most unbelievable, cold blooded thing she has ever done. I didn't think she was capable of being so very cold! She called, said lets have sex. Of course me being weak and stupid said ,"OK, lets do it." She was giving me directions of where to meet her at a hotel when all of the sudden she just stopped and said. "Nevermind, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called, goodbye." I was like, "what in the hell, she did not just do that to me. I guess I had it coming, should have been stronger and just said no. To make it worse, she sent me a two sentence e-mail this morning saying how she was sorry and she shouldn't have called especially since she has changed so much. I have a very strong feeling that she called me up knowing that if I said OK, lets have sex, she was going to end up saying no. My question is this. Why would she do something so heartless to someone she cared about so much about only two months ago? Why even call me just to tell me no?? I'm so pissed. Don't worry, I've finally gotten the message loud and clear! I sent her a nice e-mail this morning even though I wanted to tear into her I didn't. I said that I could no longer have any contact with her whatsoever. I needed to get myself healthy. This will be the last question I post about this girl. I just want to know why she might do this?? Thanks you guys for all your input, I should have listened from the beginning!

shygrneyzs · Mar 11, 2007, 04:19 PM

She does this because you continue to listen to her, to be available for her calls, listen to her, have sex with her, and on and on. She would not do this if you were not available to her - physically and emotionally. If you put the skids on your own negating behavior, she would not get very far and would have to give up. Why answer the phone from her> Why listen to her? Change your phone number! Make yourself as scare from her as possible, as unavailable as possible.

Skell · Mar 11, 2007, 04:37 PM

Im sorry that this has happened to you and I'm sorry you feel how you do right now. But it was probably a setback and something that you needed to happen. You went against your better judgment and most of the advice you got here. That's fine, people make mistakes and this was probably a good one for you to make. At least now you have seen maybe some things about her that you never thought were there.

Whether her motives were to spite you and make you feel terrible or whether she simply woke up to herself and realised that having sex with you won't help anyone is not important.

The important thing now is that you have learnt some valuable lessons and hopefully you won't make the same mistakes again.

I remember Nohitter questioning why we always offer the "safe" advice. Why we don't just tell the poster to "go and have sex with her and see where it leads". Well here is the answer. The safe advice is usually the best advice. And it isn't so much that it is safe. It usually that it is based on reality. A reality that sometimes we don't want to see. We don't want to see it because we desperately don't want it to be true.

Well now you have seen it and I hope you act on it. No more nice emails to her. Nothing. It is time to accept that she is in your past and you have to begin healing and moving on.

And it doesn't have to be the last question you ask about her because I'm sure you will have questions. But just don't ask them to her okay? Ask them to us. But focus on yourself as much as possible and the questions about her will be irrelevant.

valinors_sorrow · Mar 11, 2007, 04:45 PM

Originally Posted by ace1978

Don't worry, I've finally gotten the message loud and clear!

If and when you really do get the message, you definitely won't be needing to ask "why" about any of it anymore. Asking "why" means you are still in it. Once you're out, you'll see that it never really mattered "why" since its just used to dodge the "who's" and the "how's" and "when's" instead, you know?

"Who" is she? Your ex.

And "how" should you be with her? No contact.

And "when" should this begin? When you parted as a relationship, or very shortly thereafter.

And if you really need to ask "why" now, you haven't learned very much of the lesson.

ace1978 · Mar 11, 2007, 06:23 PM

Thank you very much Skell. Thanks for being so kind and understanding. You are probably right, I will have more questions. Hopefully they will be more positive questions and I can move forward and begin to heal! Thank you again, it helps a lot!

JoeCanada76 · Mar 11, 2007, 06:54 PM

She Was Drunk Out Of Her Mind. That Might Be A Good Reason. Like Others Have Said She Is An Ex For A Reason And You Have To Keep It That Way. Was It Cruel What She Did Not Really. You Always Are Weak. She Was Testing You And You Failed But At Least She Gave You A Way Out. She Finally Said No. She Was Giving You A Way Out And You Should Be Happy About That.

Now You Know No More Contact. None.

Good Luck To You And Work On Yourself And You Are Better Off Now That You Do Not Have Any Contact With Her.

Joe

talaniman · Mar 12, 2007, 05:10 AM

You aren't the first nor will you be the last to run head long into that brick wall. Here's a band aid, take two aspirin and in the morning buy a helmet if you haven't learned a valuable lesson. Do not answer her calls.

Nohitter410 · Mar 12, 2007, 06:51 AM

You do make a lot of sense skell because with so many people talking on this site, you can't just pinpoint and fix someone's problems when you rarely no every detail of the relationship. All you can do is give the best advice maybe it comes off as safe but it will work a hell of a lot more than giving in to the temptations that many of us indulge in from time to time.

So I say he did what many men would do when a woman especially someone he had such strong feelings for and come over for sex. But look where that got him, he did learn a valuable lesson maybe wasn't what he wanted but you have to accept that not everything that happens to you is like what happens into movies. People go through heartbreak and hardships all the times, the ones that make it out OK understand and realize that there is only one person that will decide the kind of life you lead and it sure isn't an ex, IT IS YOU!! Make the decision and commit to yourself. Once you do that everything will fall into place. She isn't worth the time... have fun enjoy what life has to offer.