[asw091]

I'm sorry, but this is going to be an essay.

Me and my girlfriend are really close, we use to see each other nearly every day and we could speak to each other about anything. We both love each other very much, and to show how much she meant to me, after about 6 months, I took her to Egypt, had a candle lit dinner, and told her in the evening next to the most beautiful fountain, and I told her I loved her. We've been together for 10 and a half months, and everything has been great.

She has been in uni for a month now. We text all the time but I have only seen her twice since she's been in uni, and it was only for a few hours, but to me, I was more than happy to see her, even if it was only for a while. For example, it was her birthday a week after she got there, so I went to surprise her and took her out for a meal, knowing it would only be that because she said she had plans. And then a week and a half later, she came home to see me, but had to go back the next day cause of work, which again, we both knew, but still wanted that little time together. Now a little off the subject but bear with me, I use to be quite a heavy smoker before I was with her, about 20-30 a day, I knew she didn't like it, so when I ask her out and she said yes, I quit cold turkey and never had a cigarette again. When she went to uni, I said, I know fresher’s is going to be jam packed and busy and fun, but please don't smoke, but if you do, just tell me. The reason I said that is because I know she used to be a social smoker, and I didn't want her to start, especially after me quitting for her.

We Skyped a week later, was chatting about her week and room, and I jokingly said, and have you had a fag? She replied No, it didn't feel right, and so I asked again, have you had a fag? She said no again and looked away, so I asked once more, are you sure? Not even one, to which she replied, yes, I had one, but it fell into my mouth. We spoke about it, and I just said, if you'd told me, I would have been a bit gutted, but because you didn't, and you lied when I asked you, it hurt, she said she didn't want to tell me because of the reaction I would have had, i.e. disappointed and sad, and it was a bit awkward for a few moments, but I chose to just forget it, because its happened now, I can't change it. About a week later (the other day), I went out in town with some people from work for a guy’s leaving do, and I had a cigarette, I felt really guilty after what I said to her, so I text her straight away and told her, she asked why I did it, and me being a complete and utter tool, with too much alcohol in me to realize, I said, to be honest, I probably wouldn't of done it if you hadn't of had one last week. Then I concluded to her, it was my fault, I’m in control of myself and I chose to have one, and I'm sorry, and quite rightly so, she was hurt.

I went back in the club, which was underground, turns out I had no signal and when I left 5 hours later, 8 text messages came through, and I tried to explain, but I think she thought I was ignoring her. Anyway, yesterday, she decided she needs some time to figure out what she wants, she had been speaking to her step mum, and they decided she wanted 2 weeks. Because in 2 weeks, she was coming to see me anyway, she said if we have a break, we will connect really well when we see each other again, so after a hard conversation, I told her I loved her to bits, and I'd do anything to keep us together, so I asked her a few question, do you still love me, do you love me and much as you did a month or even six months ago, she answered yes to all of them, so I said, have your feeling changed about me, she said, I still love you, and still want to see you in 2 weeks, but I think being in uni has changed something, and she clearly stated it was not the distance, so I said okay, if you need to 2 weeks then have to weeks. She said she will still text me as normal, which I asked what's the point, if you need a 2 week break, take it, and I said I probably won't reply until he two weeks is up, giving you time to think. The Skype call ended.

I woke up this morning regretting saying I probably won't reply, because now she probably doesn't want to text me, but the fact of the matter is, I would, because I still want to know she is okay, I left her a private Facebook message saying I regret saying I wouldn't reply because I would, I still want to know you are good. Because after what I said, I didn't want to text her, but I don't want to push her away either. She has seen the message and I’ve had no reply, 100 things are going through my head right now, I want to give her space, but I think 2 weeks is a long time. What should I do? Have you been in this position before? How did it turn out?

This is a follow up on my question
We did also agree that this break wasn't going to be a 'you can do anything you want' break, we are not to see anyone else, she just wants time to think and get her head straight.

[Jimmy78]

This is a follow up on my question
we did also agree that this break wasn't going to be a 'you can do anything you want' break, we are not to see anyone else, she just wants time to think and get her head straight.

Been in that situation before, its an easy way to say I don't want to be with but I still want to use you. My ex did that to me but said if we messed with someone on the side as long as one of us didn't find out then we could get back together when she gets the material things that to her makes a relationship work. All I'm saying to you is move on and find someone that has their head together and acts like an adult and not a child and stop being a doormat. I played the fool before and let me tell you it sucks.

[asw091]

I just realised, maybe cause I wasn't thinking before, but I just realised its 3 weeks, not 2, I've got back at the gym and I'm now running again, but she messaged me saying can I sent the letter I wrote her... which is now really confusing me... I sent it by the way

[Wondergirl]

I broke up your essay into paragraphs so it is easier to read, and more people will read it this way.

I of course read it as I was paragraphing it. It sounded like a lot of petty, childish stuff about cigarettes and who talks or doesn't talk to whom and what exactly they say when they talk and what meaning can possibly be derived. By the end of the essay, I really didn't care any longer and mostly wanted the girl to get her silly three weeks "break" (which I figure will be a permanent one).

Let us know what happened. If I were you, I would move on in my life and forget her.

[talaniman]

Possibly she wanted to party with her friends and stay in touch with you via texts for a while. But as you have found out there is hell to pay if you don't reply soon enough for her.

That's the problemwith distance relationships. The insecure impatient one want to be free, but is afraid you will be free yourself. Hardly fair and honest communications is what sets the rules of acceptable behavior, that benefits you both.

You haven't done that so she is in control and you are going along with it. This isn't a break, its just space to enjoy herself.

[exenis]

It seems to me that she really just wants some space..
2 weeks is not that much time it will pass very quickly.. But in the meantime try to enjoy life, go out with friends, don't just think about her and leave all yourself in the dark.

I was in your position a week ago but didn't work out for me, it was a different situation from yours and I really hope that you get back together with her.

So don't ruin a relationship of 11 months because of 2 weeks time by contacting her or something like that..
Instead be a gentleman and give her what she asks.
If its meant to be, you will be with her no matter what, so what good will it bring to you if you will be sad all the time, trying to call her..

When she decides to be with you back again she will let you know, and believe me this break will do more good to both of you in your relationship if you get together again..

[Matteus]

Me and my girlfriend are really close, we use to see each other nearly every day and we could speak to each other about anything. We both love each other very much, and to show how much she meant to me, after about 6 months, I took her to Egypt, had a candle lit dinner, and told her in the evening next to the most beautiful fountain, and I told her I loved her. We've been together for 10 and a half months, and everything has been great.

1. Trying to keep my mouth shut, but I cant. This is your side of the story. So...

2. You were being a wussy. Learn how to react around your woman. Try not to win her approval with such things like "telling her you love her, being her puppy, playing probably barbies together", etc. Like in poker, don't express your feelings, once you do, you are done. In every single word of your statement, I see a damn wussy who is trying so hard to make good impression to his woman. You sound like you were trying to win a jackpot. If it was for the jackpot, I would definitely tell you "GREAT JOB", for trying so hard. I believe, you should go with this kind of mentality. If you don't try too hard, good things happen. Cause you can't force someone to stay with you, whatever you do.

3. No good comes from break. Why does she need one? Were you two running ?

4. Those text messages... They are supposed to set a time for a meeting or smth like that, not keeping the flames of a relationship running. So, Please! Stop being around her, doing stuff you did for her approval, play the damn challenge, if you want this girl back. Im sure you can have it back, but I'm not sure if it's the best thing for her. You won't stop acting the way you do, you will only make her believe she did the best thing taking a break. You had your answer in your statement. I believe you should thank her actually. She told you she thought you were ignoring her *thats why she sent you so many txts*. Basically, that's called challenge, made innocently from you. Try keep doing stuff like that again. And see what happens.

To finish it, change your actions/reactions toward your woman, pal, before is too late.

And give it a reading : https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ex-161312.html

[Irene1985]

Hi There,

You are in a spot that me and my ex have just survived from. To be honest we were together for 6 years and were engaged to be married in January 2013, but we a couple of months ago at the end of June came to the conclusion that we had just grown apart. My ex was exactly like you just trying to hold on to what ever it was but to be honest you need to step back and take a breath and have a reality check... have you guys just grown apart since she has been at uni? Are you trying to hold onto what you had not what you've got? These are the things that we both realised when we had a little break away from each other. I don't mean to be harsh I'm just giving you a reality check because it sounds like you need one. My Nana always use to say if you love someone let him go if they love you enough back they will return. I think also my best advice I can give you is to stop over analysing every detail in the relationship because this will push her away and you both won't end up being friends if this relationship ends. My ex and I are still really good mates. He is my best friend he was and always will be and my new partner knows that. So like I said take a step back look at the facts and don't get snarky... it's not your best assest so don't use that. I hope this helps you out and just think of it there is a light at the end but it's the steps that you take to get there.
Cheers
Irene

[Matteus]

It seems to me that she really just wants some space..
2 weeks is not that much time it will pass very quickly.. But in the meantime try to enjoy life, go out with friends, don't just think about her and leave all yourself in the dark.

I was in your possition a week ago but didn't work out for me, it was a different situation from yours and I really hope that you get back together with her.

So don't ruin a relationship of 11 months because of 2 weeks time by contacting her or something like that..
Instead be a gentleman and give her what she asks.
If its meant to be, you will be with her no matter what, so what good will it bring to you if you will be sad all the time, trying to call her..

When she decides to be with you back again she will let you know, and believe me this break will do more good to both of you in your relationship if you get together again..

Im not sure he should accept her back, really. She can't go and come back when she comes back. In way, that's called spoiling her. In the end, she didn't even gave him a real reason for the break. He must save some dignity.

[Matteus]

This isn't a break, its just space to enjoy herself.

Definitely

[asw091]

Okay, so it's been 8 weeks since I've seen her, 4 weeks since the break, 3 weeks since she decided she wanted to split up. Yes, it only took her one week to text me, not call or speak, but text me it's over. She refused to speak to me about it, I still don't know why we split up. Even when she was back home, she came into my work, not even to see me, but a friend. This made me feel like she felt nothing. She later text me saying I am perfect in every way for a relationship and her feelings have not changed, but she doesn't have time for a relationship when she is at uni. Every time I wanted to talk, just to get some answers, she said no, so she then said, we can still be together when I'm home, but I want to have my own space when I am away at uni. And a little bit of me wanted her when she was here, but the reality of it is, I have been taken for a mug, so I had to say no, she was surprised, but I said no, I told her I will cut all ties and have stopped contacting her as it will be the most quick way to move on. It was only 2 days later that she then said she needed me. I didn't reply... because I need to find myself again, I feel I have lost my own identity.
Thanks for all the advice guys, I do appreciate it. But the reality of it is, it's over,I still don't know why, I wasn't allowed closure, so in the last 3 weeks I have got back into my fitness and gym, lost a bit of weight, feeling healthier, it's going well. I am extremely surprised at how much weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I guess... I love the new me :-)

[Matteus]

I am extremely surprised at how much weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I guess... I love the new me :-)

Now this guy really deserves an award. He got all of it in so less time. That is what is called "Being a man and stand up for yourself!"

Well done pal.

We all hate btiching, games, and whatever. Time is against us, double losing it for something messed up, is a f*** up

[asw091]

Got a little bit of news just now.. Because she use to work with me, which is how we met, It turns out she is coming back to work with us at Christmas for 6 weeks, and she already has a new boyfriend who is coming down with her... wow... I guess the real test is to get through that with a big smile on my face now.
Although it feels like a weight has been lifted by cutting all contact, it still hurts me to hear that, and it will be tough to look her in the face and look like I'm glad to single... but game on!