[Softball mom]

I married the love of my life. Eight years into the marriage I discovered he is bipolar. When he had episodes, he put me through the worse hell possible. I did not divorce him when he was diagnosed with BP. As with many people with bipolar he was in denial and refused to stay on medicine. And, he blamed me for everything.

When he was stable, he was the most handsome, caring, funny, smart, loyal man. Fourteen years into our marriage, he was in a downward spiral, lost his job, was acting crazy, ended in a mental institution. Add to this he has a vision problem. I knew of this entering the marriage and took the vows for better or for worse. He was verbally abusive to me and scary when he was in episodes.

We had the most beautiful daughter together. Eight years ago I was at my wits end and I had him removed from the house, things were bad. I asked for a separation. He became more verbally abusive and refused to work on fixing the core problem, the bipolar, being on medicine.

Flash forward eight years, he hates me, hangs the phone up on me all the time. Three years ago he was in an episode and asked me to marry him. I dream of him every night, they way we were when he was stable, dream we are hugging and together. I love him regardless and want my family together. I want him to want to be on medicine. He worshiped me at one time. I am his only one love. He is single and I am single.

How do I get him to stop hating me? I have a huge heart. I am very giving and put family first. I tried my best to help him when we were married with the BP. This has ruined my life. I am lost and feel sick over it after all these years. I do not tell my daughter my thoughts, never want to burden her. Please help. I feel lonely, sad and lost.