[BuryLass]

My boyfriend of a year doesn't initiate sex much now and often when I do, I get rejected or told later, but later doesn't happen. I know my sex drive is higher and when I've asked him about it, he says he feels pressured into sex sometimes and that if he could change something about me, it would be my sex drive. He is laughing when he says this but even if he is joking, it hurts. Sex has gone from everyday in the beginning of relationship to maybe once every 10 or so days.

[CravenMorhead]

How old are you both?

Differences in libido seem to be common though usually in the other direction. Doesn't change the problem. Is there a reason for his low libido? Stress? Exhaustion? Medications? Weight? Substance (alcohol, drugs, tobacco) abuse?

Also libido difference, and lack of respect on his part towards you and your libido, are a completely valid reason to break up a relationship. Are you prepared to live with this for the rest of your life?

Speaking of which, how is your relationship out of the bed room?

[BuryLass]

He is 26 and I'm a year younger. He has been a bit stressed recently as he is a self employed mobile car mechanic and work is getting quiet now its near christmas. Our relationship outside of the bedroom hasn't changed. He is affectionate, we're always hugging/kissing etc. He tells me everyday that I'm beautiful etc and that he loves me. If we're out together either alone, with friends or family etc, he acts the same, and we're always holding hands.

[wantitall]

Wow! I am a female and have the same problem. Been together 5-10 yrs. Sex was off the chain in the beginning both in quantity, quality & length of time. Now off and on for the past approx 2 yrs, sex dwindles.Sometimes down to nothing or 1x weekly for about 10 minutes and then it seems its just out of obligation to me, his heart doesn't feel into it. Different times I have talked with him letting him know that I want/need it more than that and want him into it like it used to be... but he gets mad, it causes a big fight, then we don't talk to each other for days. I don't really feel that he wants to try to improve the situation. I have suggested herbal aphrodisiacs, but he got even more angry. Acting like all I was trying to do was to make him feel bad and he even accused me of being insatiable. This is a problem for me. Also, his ex cheated on him... so now because I bring this problem up, he probably thinks Im cheating on him too. (all I want is to fix our problem and have a quality experience once or twice a week) I don't see how a problem can be fixed, unless it's addressed. Outside of this problem we are great together. I never have cheated on him. We are engaged, not married. It makes me wonder whether we really need to be getting married and maybe even possibly ending the relationship if he doesn't get how important this is to me. I really don't like thinking that it could get down to once a month or even less in the future on a regular basis. Im over 40, by the way. Never really experienced this problem in this area with anyone else.

I know he has a lot of stress from work and is on an antidepressant... but it doesn't make sense to me because this has been the case since I met him on day 1. Yet it used to be absolutely wonderful for years! The other posts on this site make me wonder if maybe he is jerkin off to porn when Im not there. I only see him about 1-2 days a week.

I am just as frustrated if not more than all of you above. I know the feeling of being driven crazy... but I love the guy. The hardest thing to trying to decide what to do about it. Live the rest of my life and possible ending up in a sexless marriage? Doesn't sound very fun. Leave now? When we have so much other stuff in common? I feel our relationship is only downhill from here, especially since we can't seem to communicate well about it and when I bring my needs to the table, he gets defensive, hurt and angry. I just don't know what else to do... Im also at my wits end. I don't have any advice for you, but I can let you know that you're not alone...