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    tayl009's Avatar
    tayl009 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Oct 8, 2012, 07:23 PM
    Lying problem.
    I have been seeing my girlfriend for two years. I have told her some big lies. I am not healthy and realize I have a serious problem. I don't know if I lied to be accepted, for attention, or what. But my girlfriend brought me to her therapist to confront me, revealing she doubts every word out of my mouth and inquired about many of the things I've told her. The therapist has asked us to take two days with no contact to think about what we want to do. I want the relationship to work.

    I love her dearly. I plan to go in there and say I have a problem and am getting help immediately and to ask for a second chance. I hope that she will know that we love each other so much we have to give it a try. But I fear she is going to leave me. And while I can't blame her, I will be so devastated. I'm sick with self hatred and disgusted with myself. I love her more than anything and if I lose her I have no one to blame but myself.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #2

    Oct 8, 2012, 07:32 PM
    This is a Q&A site, not a blog. What is your question for us?
    tayl009's Avatar
    tayl009 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Oct 8, 2012, 07:58 PM
    I'm sorry, I sent that before I was done. My question is, do you think I should tell my girlfriend that I will seek help and ask for another chance? Or should I just accept that this is who I am and move on.
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    tayl009 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Oct 9, 2012, 09:43 AM
    Please advise. I am really struggling.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #5

    Oct 9, 2012, 09:50 AM
    'I plan to go in there and say I have a problem and am getting help immediately '

    What bothers me is that you haven't started this immediate help getting... why? Are you waiting for her to say OK? That's not how it works. First you start the help process, then you show her you started it.

    Also, you ask total strangers if you should just accept who you are and give up? That's not how it works either. If you love her, you wouldn't even be asking. You'd be doing.
    tayl009's Avatar
    tayl009 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Oct 9, 2012, 01:09 PM
    I have already begun the process of seeking help. I have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow and a therapist appointment next week. What I meant was I plan on saying I've immediately begun getting help. I do love her and I am doing it.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #7

    Oct 9, 2012, 04:21 PM
    You appear to be a compulsive liar - I have no idea why your girlfriend would now believe that you are seeking help.

    Is she going with you?
    tayl009's Avatar
    tayl009 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Oct 9, 2012, 07:14 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    You appear to be a compulsive liar - I have no idea why your girlfriend would now believe that you are seeking help.

    Is she going with you?
    Yes she is coming with me.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #9

    Oct 9, 2012, 08:38 PM
    So start getting the help, get it first an show her you want to change.

    No you don't love her more than anything, you have just been caught, like the criminal who is always sorry , that they got caught and promise any and everything.

    The "truth" is in the actions, I see no actions on your part.

    You did not love her more than your lies, so why should it be different now?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #10

    Oct 9, 2012, 09:22 PM
    Be grateful she is still there and make the most of the help you get.
    tayl009's Avatar
    tayl009 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Oct 10, 2012, 05:39 AM
    I have my first appointment today. She knows about the appointment but we are not allowed to communicate today as part of the therapists request. Yes, I did get caught, but whether my girlfriend stands by my side, I know I have to get help and am doing so. So the actions I have taken are making appointments with two therapists and seeing the first today. I think it's unfair to say I don't love her more than anything, because I do. My lying is a serious problem but I never, ever intended to hurt her. The difference now is that my problem has been exposed and even if she leaves me, it has forced me into getting help which is the best possible thing.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #12

    Oct 10, 2012, 06:13 AM
    '.. even if she leaves me.. '

    That's the best thing I've heard here in a month. You are getting help for yourself, not for her. If she accepts you afterwards, all the better.
    tayl009's Avatar
    tayl009 Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Oct 10, 2012, 07:02 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    '..even if she leaves me..'

    That's the best thing I've heard here in a month. You are getting help for yourself, not for her. If she accepts you afterwards, all the better.
    Thank you. I will find out tomorrow what she plans to do. I'm feeling pretty
    Sure that she is going to leave me. I'm very, very sad. Not eating, not sleeping. But she's forced me to get help. So I will always be grateful to her for that.
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