[jmd87]

Hi,

Couldn't really explain much in a title but here's the story (try and keep it as short as possible)

I've been with this girl 2 months and we really get on amazing when things are going well. We can be ourselves around each other with no changes or anything like that and we seem/ed (not sure yet) totally head over heals for each other.

Now she was in an accident and did quite abit of damage to herself. When she told me she said "Don't worry Im fine im just letting you know etc etc" I was worried about her and asked her questions (is she all right? Is she sure etc etc) and then I said do you want some peace for a bit whilst you settle down. She said yes so I thought fair enough.

No later that night I was 4 hours away from home collecting some stuff with a friend. She text me saying "im going to hospital xxx" so I was like WHHHAAAATTTT!! Then she explained she's locking up etc etc and so naturally I was worried again. I then heard nothing and text her (forgetting like a muppet that you can't use phones in hospital!) asking why she wasn't texting me as I'm really worried about her. She then text back eventually and told me all the damage that happened (broken bones etc etc) so I took an hour walk in rain from where I was to nearest Train station only to find I didn't have enough money (I bought her a massive bunch of flowers in the day as a "get well soon" from me type thing) So I tried train hoping which id never do but I was that worried and got about 30mins into journey before I got caught so landed with a fine now lol. So I had to go allllway the way back to where I was and walk back to Van in the rain.

Anyway I kept texting although she was quiet as you expect as in pain and she was writing with her weaker hand so it was slow. Anyway I stayed up till 5am keeping her company over the phone and she seemed fine and I was doing the best I could with her from such a distance (I live about hour away from her)

Now next day I was talking to her etc etc and asking her if she was all right etc etc and then an argument almost started and it was getting heated but I didn't bite or react I just listened then I asked her if it was OK to stop as I know she doesn't want to argue and I don't want to argue with her. She said yes so it was all good as far as I knew. I then asked if she'd like some space and she said yes please so I thought fair enough and only text her a little everynow and then so she knows she's still on my mind.

I left it a few days and asked if it was OK to talk on phone and she said Yeh but I'm with friends and I said oh OK don't worry there's no panic would have just loved to hear your voice and see if your OK. She then walked away from her mates and I rang her as she asked me to. She answered blunty but thought its probably the pain so I was all cheery and made her laugh a little then she sort of went awkward and I asked if she was all right and she was blunt and like Yes then awkward again and I said right well nice hearing from you ill let you get back to your mates as I can hear them shouting you and she then went really funny almost like she didn't want me to and I said I can stay if you'd like as you know I love talking to you!! And she went no its fine etc and I said I love you and got no reply and I said it again no reply and then again and she said it but hung up.

She's told me that I can read her like a book and no one else can and I do believe what she's said because I watch her with others and they are oblivious to whether something's up with her or not. So I thought there's something up here so I sent her a text asking what's up etc and it was a lovely text it wasn't forceful etc and she kind of went mental lol

She replied saying that I couldn't careless about what happened to her Monday all I cared about was myself and said she's had enough of me atm etc. So naturally I was gutted and all I could say to her was that I did care and you should know I did as it may only be 2months but you know me very well better than my closest mates of 10+ years. And she just got all funny and said she doesn't know what to think. So I said ill give you space and she said thanks.

I gave her the space again only sending a few text's with kisses so she knows I haven't given up on her. She hadn't spoken to me properly then the flowers (which I decided to not tell her about as I thought it would be a lovely surprise) turned up (ordered on Monday delivered Thursday when it was supposed to be Tuesday!! ) She text me thanking me for the chocs and flowers then nothing again

So I left it and left it NOW it gets even moooore complex hahah Friday was the day her dad passed away 8months ago. She knows I remember everything I tell her but she never thinks I remember the date of that day her dad passed away for some reason and I never say anything to bring it up unless she tells me first. So I text her first time ever saying "I know what today is and the date, I wont stress you out but i want you to know that im here for you and that I love you xxx" No reply which is what id expected any way later that day she facebooked me and said "I miss you xxx" I said I missed her so much and then she cried and went offline.

Every Friday I got to hers and stay the weekend but she didn't really want to see me she just wanted space so it hurt but I still went down and saw some of my mates and stayed at there's. Now Friday I was involved in a car spin and she found out and got frantic and was texting and calling me and I didn't see the texts till about 10mins later but there were loads. I explained I was OK not damage etc and she said "I do care about you you know and I do Love you you know" so I was like great at least that's something. Went quiet again and I didn't text her

She then asked me If I thought she was strong as she didn't feel it and just kept crying. And I wrote a massive text reassuring her that she is strong considering what she's going through etc etc and we talked again and then she said she was going shopping with her brother in the morning but has no money. She never takes money from me but always lets me pay for meals etc but when she can afford it she gets me things to. So I said Look I'll give you some money as I think you deserve to be treated and spoilt and she wouldn't take her but I can be stubborn and I got my own way lol

I said Id give it to her brother so she doesn't have to see me or feel akward and she said no she wanted to get it in person and also asked if I had my letter I wrote for her in reply to one she wrote for me. I said I did and she wanted to read it she said. So she came and saw me I was in a bar with friends as it was easier for her. At first it was so awkward and I was shocked because I hadn't seen her since the accident and it was worse than she had told me. I was the first one to break the contact barrier and grabbed her arm and rubbed it (The good one!! ) and she was still awkward so she sat down in among all her and my friends so I thought I'm not gonner push it and I sat away from her and she looked for me got up and sat with me. She was again awkward and I just listened to her and no one else and she was telling me how hard it is for her being in pain and that it's the day her dad died and that she has no one to talk to and I said you know you can talk to me no matter what like you always have and she said thank you. She then gave in and gave me a hug and considering the pain she was in it was a massive hug. We talked me and then she kissed me. I tried to make her smile by saying something that always does but you could see she was trying not to and said I don't feel like it today sorry.

The my friend who has know both her and I for years (known her for a lot longer) sat next to her and started whispering in her ear, now I was like oh no what's gonner happen as he's a bit tipsy so this could go all very wrong (she said to me that she didn't want anyone to know and she'd like to keep it between us) he said after that he could see there was something wrong between us just by looking at me so he spoke to her. I stayed quiet and pretended I didn't know and next thing I know she kicks me I turn and she smiles whilst he's still whispering in her ear. He finished got up and went to the bar and she shuffled over to me and put her legs over my legs and buried her head in my chest and then kissed me properly and I could tell she was smiling. I looked at her and she was trying so hard not to and I said see you still smile for me and she said I know only you can do that.

So I thought it was going well then she left as she was in pain and she said text me so I did. I text her saying "Your wonderfull xxx" and she said "am I lets just see how it goes xxx" and so I was like ouch again but play it cool so I did and she went quiet again then about hour later she sends me a picture of the flowers I sent her and said she loves them and that she thought id never do something like that as I thought you'd just leave me. I said nope never I'm very happy where I am. Then she went quiet again and read my letter. She said it was wonderful and that she learnt so much about me. I had to chance to edit the letter when I found out what was wrong between us but I decided not to because at the end of the day its how I felt and feel and it would not be true to the original.

She then said she as being stupid and asked what she meant and she said for the way she's being acting and she said sorry. I said don't worry about it your under so much pressure etc and she said she felt really bad and that she knows I care about her she just doesn't know what's wrong with her at the moment and then we text none stop like we used to until she went to sleep and I made her cry with the last text I sent and she said it was by far the best text of the week and that she loves and misses me.

So all gone good again then next day she text me asking how I was and we spoke then someone annoyed her (not me for once!! ) and she went quiet almost taking it out on me so I didn't push it and just went back to kisses again. Then I saw her fav perfume and got her a bottle as she said a few weeks ago she was almost out so I grabbed it and text her Id got her a little present and she text me saying "oh have youxxx" then nothing again for rest of day.

I then hear from her at about 4pm Sunday (she was asleep) and she asked on Friday is she could come home with me. She's never been to mine but she just wanted to get away so I arranged it and text her Sunday morning and said its up to her. When she woke up she text me saying she would but she forgot she had a meeting to go to which is the truth as it happens every other week but she would have if she hadn't. I said fair enough with kisses etc and that she's welcome to come up Monday and that if she can't get there Id come and get her and she said I'll see how I feel :) xxx Friday she said that she wanted to see me Sunday before I went home. And I was like yeah sure just let me know when and where and ill be there. So come Sunday I said so would you like to see me before I go so I can give you your present and give you a hug etc. And she went quiet. So I said no to worry what ill do is drop it through your letter box. And she said thanks I'm just finding it hard at the moment. Then I said can I ask you 2 questions (stupid stupid thing to do!) and she said sure xxx I asked

"Do you still love me the way you did? and do you think we will be ok?"

Her reply was "I love you in away and i don't know what to think anymore" I was gutted so gutted. I said Do you remember so and so (and ex of hers) that's what you said to him and remember I was there and I said that I loved her and I wish she'd see more for 5 minutes just to talk. And She said I don't want to at the moment. So I said I'd give her peace and that I'm going home and that ill drop present through letter box and maybe she could speak to me if she likes and she said she's finding it hard enough to speak to me via text as it is so I just left it.

I dropped it off and let her know that I was leaving. And she then text me saying "Drive carefully buba please xxxx" so I was like what the heck lol. Then on way home front wheels bursts on car and it wwas like a bad joke. So got towed etc and turns out it was from the spin I had or something. I text her that and she was like "Oh what happened" I replied and she was talking abit then I said Ill give her space and would she rather kisses or nothing at all from me and she said she didn't mind so I choose kisses but have cut it right down. She said thanks and I said "do me one thing follow your heart as Im waiting for you with Open arms xxx" No reply as I expected so not worried there.

That's the end of my "Short" story!! No she's complex and everyone that knows her has said the same thing that she's stubborn and only knows one thing. He boyfriends in past have hit her, abused her in some way (verbal type etc) tried to change her, didn't care about her, wasn't interested in her only for sex etc and list goes on and on. And I'm nothing like that at all I'm a romantic I guess loving, never harm a girl intentionally or anything like that and all mine and her friends know that. They've all said that she's different with me from the way she was with other guys. They've said with you she can be herself and is comfortable with me and tells me everything and has never written anyone a letter so I must have brought something out of her no one else could have. I think she does love me as there's something inside me overriding the "Leave her" saying that she's panicing about something.

Again everyone is saying that she's reverting to her natural way she's been with other guys as its her defence. I'm very patient so won't get aggressive etc and I can take a metal battering very well so I'm playing it as cool as I can. When she's had ago at me I;ve never "bitten" so to speak and also this is the first argument we've had so its not like we are at each others throats.

She's a very complex girl on the outside she puts up a front but as I said I can read her like a book and know there's something else going on. If I could get her way from her closer mates just for a weekend or something I know we could sort it as we can talk to each about anything normally and I know we could sort it out otherwise Im guessing she wouldn't have kissed and hugged me at the bar etc

Can anyone offer advice or there views please?

Thanks a lot for your help

[Volimpdis]

I managed to read your entire post. It really sounds as if you have it under control. She doesn't sound as if she's completely made up her mind on anything so you still have an opportunity to make things work.

At the same time, it sounds as if you're giving her the best of yourself while she's only capable of giving you the very minimum. Just remember that she did ask for space, and from what I read, you are not giving it to her at all. Every time you make contact with her, she's thrown out of her own space and has to start over.

The main reason a lot of us do No Contact is because we don't have that. Our [ex]partners told us they want their space and they meant it. Allows them to figure out about themselves and truly know if they want to be with you.

I can't really say if your girl wants to be stay with you or not, from what you wrote it sounds like it's going in a good direction. But only she can really figure that out and no matter what she decides, you won't be able to convince her otherwise.

My advice really comes from a perspective of longer relationships, so I don't know if you feel this can all apply to you. I'm sure you will figure it out, just follow your heart. It's the only way to know that you did everything you thought was right, and if it didn't work out it just wasn't meant to.

[Homegirl 50]

This is an awful lot of drama for a two month relationship.
You have made this girl your priority and you are an option to her.
She asked for a break. Give it to her. No text, no phone calls, nothing. If she wants to get back with you she will. In the meantime, get a life that does not revolve around her.

[jmd87]

Yeh I agree there but I'm patient. What confuses me is I give her a break no contact then she contacts me asking how I am etc naturally I reply but keep it short then she wants space again which I do.

I have a life that doesn't revolve around her Im a computer programmer and a session guitarist and singer in London so its not like I'm sat doing nothing (which is probably why I've managed to stay sane lol) I guess I was trying to be there in her time of need so to speak

[joypulv]

I couldn't read it all. I stopped shortly after she told you she was in an accident and you asked her if she wanted 'some peace for a bit whilst you settle down.' That was about as wrong a move as a person can make. You were supposed to run to her side, regardless of what she said. That set the tone for everything that followed.

[jmd87]

Urm well I was texting her calling her for a good 4 hours and she became abit short so I asked her the question as I could tell she as in pain

[joypulv]

'urm well I was texting her calling her for a good 4 hours'

FOUR HOURS? That's even worse. You say 'I'll be right there' hang up the phone and GO TO HER. I'd have dumped you right then and there, sorry. I hear that you are a busy guy, and I'm not one for expecting two people to spend every minute with each other, but it's seems clear to me that you are missing something intuitive.

[jmd87]

Lol think you should read the rest of it before passing judgement

[Emily Rae]

I've been in a similar situation.. but on the other end. I was in a situation where I was injured and my boyfriend was doing everything he could for me (I see this now) but I treated him like crap, telling him to leave me alone, that I needed space, that he couldn't do anything for me and it was all because I felt like crap and was dwelling in my own self-pity. If I could go back and say exactly what I needed. It would be for my boyfriend to ignore all my emotions and just be there & be forceful (In a nice way) because that would have woke me up a lot sooner. Don't get me wrong, he was being very sensitive to my feelings but I think if he had of come straight out with it and said 'Your treating me really bad' then I would have snapped out of it quicker. I read your whole story and I think you should come straight out with it and say that things need to change, especially if she's 'unsure' of her feelings because YOU are the other person in the relationship and some love needs to go your way too.

Hope this helps, like I said, I've been on the other end and only after it happened did I realize how selfish and uncaring I'd been. Speak to her and tell her exactly how you are feeling and that you can't keep being treated that way, it's not fair on you.


Emily Rae

[jmd87]

I've been in a similar situation.. but on the other end. I was in a situation where i was injured and my boyfriend was doing everything he could for me (I see this now) but i treated him like crap, telling him to leave me alone, that i needed space, that he couldn't do anything for me and it was all because I felt like crap and was dwelling in my own self-pity. If i could go back and say exactly what i needed. It would be for my boyfriend to ignore all my emotions and just be there & be forceful (In a nice way) because that would have woke me up a lot sooner. Don't get me wrong, he was being very sensitive to my feelings but i think if he had of come straight out with it and said 'Your treating me really bad' then i would have snapped out of it quicker. I read your whole story and i think you should come straight out with it and say that things need to change, especially if she's 'unsure' of her feelings because YOU are the other person in the relationship and some love needs to go your way too.

Hope this helps, like i said, i've been on the other end and only after it happened did i realize how selfish and uncaring i'd been. Speak to her and tell her exactly how you are feeling and that you can't keep being treated that way, it's not fair on you.


Emily Rae

Hi

Thanks a lot for your reply :)

I shall do what you said and cut straight to the point :) I'm being gentle with her because I know its not nice being in an accident let alone being injured in one but there is a limit to what a person can take eventually

Thanks for your help

[joypulv]

I made a huge effort to read more, but just felt even worse - for her. You just don't get it. If you want people here to make you feel better about yourself, then listen to what you want to hear. But I think you have been all phone and that's it. I'd hate to be her if she is ever pregnant or seriously sick (she sounds pretty injured to me). I realize you live an hour away, I realize you have jobs to do. But I don't think you can 'read her like a book' at all, and are totally missing the boat on this one.

[jmd87]

Lol well thanks to Emily Rae its all sorted

[Homegirl 50]

I think you need to eave her alone. You stop calling her, then she calls you. You are both addicted to drama.
Tell her not to call you until she knows what she wants and you two take a real break.
All this mess after only 2 months, what is the point, where id the fun in this relationship?

[jmd87]

Its sorted now Homegirl 50. Then fun we had in the 2months was great beyond great but this last week went wrong but its sorted. I drove to her and just knocked on her door and took her for a drive and sorted it together :)

[Emily Rae]

That's great jmd87. Wish you all the best! :)

Emily Rae