[Avelli]

I'm 23 and my fiancé is 39. I've been with him for 4 years and 5 months. He's a major pot smoker and has been since we met. It's an everyday thing and he says he can't function without it. I literally made him wait a year before we had intercourse and each encounter was incredible. We'd have intercourse at least 2-3 times a week then it slowly started to decrease to a few times a month and now if I'm lucky I get it only on the weekends where he only pleases me... with fingering. Keep in mind during this he is drunk. I try everything in my power to please him and get an erection from him, but it won't work. The only time he gets an erection is when he wakes up and when he wants intercourse to please himself. I get nothing out of the deal and Tia happens maybe once a week on the weekdays. He's recently found out he's a diabetic and takes only pills. Could it be his age, his diabetes, or myself. Am I not attractive enough for him anymore, has he found someone else, or what is it? I'm really driving myself crazy. He has stated at times he doesn't want to have intercourse because he is afraid of getting me pregnant, but we've already had a child. I've been off birth control for 2 years and haven't gotten pregnant. Please help!

[J_9]

Most likely it's a combination of the diabetes, his medication, and the combined addictions.

[Fr_Chuck]

First heavy pot user, and drinking, it is a wonder he could ever have sex. Add his illness and the new medication, I doubt he could get an erection if he wanted to.

Also as he has "failures" he loses his confidence and then has even more trouble

Why with the drunk and drugs are you even staying with him, does not sound like a great partner even if you were having regular sex.

He should discuss this with his doctor and needs to tell doctor about the pot and the drinking, since these can have a serious reaction to his medication for illness and other medication for sex the doctor may consider

[Avelli]

The thing is we never had this problem before even though he is a drinker and pot smoker. If anything when we first got together we would drink and have our sessions, but now it's quite rare. I believe he is embarrassed to say anything to his doctor about it. It's frustrating to me because I'm still young and want to be sexually active with him. When you're in love with someone you can't just leave them because they don't get an erection. I try talking to him about it but at times I feel like I'm bugging him. I've noticed that when uses Meth we have hour long sessions. A few people have mentioned that his diabetes could be the main reason. It's just really upsets me toward the point where I cry about it because I feel like I'm not doing my job by pleasing him.

[J_9]

does not sound like a great partner

Or father should she get pregnant.

[Cat1864]

He has stated at times he doesn't want to have intercourse because he is afraid of getting me pregnant, but we've already had a child. I've been off birth control for 2 years and haven't gotten pregnant.

Other than drugs, medications, diabetes, etc. he has given you a major reason and you seem to be ignoring it. He doesn't want to take the chance of having another baby.

How old is your child? When did the difficulties begin? Did you use birth control after the birth of your baby? Why did you decide to stop? Have you tried going back on birth control to see if that reduces stress and helps encourage him to want more intercourse?

How well does he really function in daily life? Does he help take care of the child and/or the house? Does he work?

I suggest looking into a support group for family/friends of addicts. I think it would give you a better understanding of what the problems are. Loving someone does not mean you have to help them destroy their life and yours.

At this point I have to ask if you 'love' him or if you are conditioned to believe it is 'love'?

[joypulv]

Now you tell us he uses meth too?
Of course this has a lot to do with his diabetes and his drug use. If you think this is about lack of attractiveness, then there is more going on in your relationship, more emotional needs not being met. Try to see if you can get him to realize that his drug use might be related to how he was feeling physically (such as fatigue from diabetes), and if he can break the cycle, he might feel better. I don't think this is about you.

But if you need more sex, and he won't get help, it's time to move on.

[J_9]

Okay, I give up. He's a marijuana, alcoholic meth addict and you want to know why he can't keep an erection!

This dude has so many issues! And you want to risk having a child with him. Wait a minute, you already have a child with him right?

Do you want to keep your child? Do you want CPS to take your child away from you?

What is more important to you? Sex with a drug addict or the innocent life of a child?

[Avelli]

I'm not ignoring the fact he wants no more children. I understand that, but ain't a reason to not have intercourse. There are condoms! Im sure if I let him go mess around with someone else he wouldn't have a problem getting an erection.

Yes, I was on birth control after my child was born. I stopped a few months afterward due to losing too much blood. It had me menstrating 6-7 months straight every single day. I was on the verge of quitting my job due to fatigueness. My doctor told me she was pretty sure if I tried a different type of birth control the same thing was going to happen.

The difficulties began a little after my child was born. During my pregnancy we had intercourse just about every other day. When he doesn't have his pot he's really just out of it. He has stated that pot helps him get things accomplished and he just basically needs it. He is a great father to our child. He does help care for her and our household. He is the type that has to have everything clean which irks me. He does have a job and has held it down for 12 years.

He said he has gone to classes for addicts. Said he was clean for over a year, but said it only works if you want it to work.

Yes, I do love him. I know I do. I think about him around the clock. Even though I've been with him for a little over 4 years I still get that feeling of when you first fall on love with someone. I can't describe it.

He uses Meth, but that is not a daily thing. The Meth is maybe once every couple of months. He doesn't go out to party or any of that. He doesn't even go to bars. When he drinks he drinks at home and that is only on a Saturday night.

I feel myself he may not be attracted to me anymore, but that's how I feel. I ask him and its just like he brushes the questions off. I've thought about therapy or counseling, but if he can't open up to me I don't think he'll open up to anyone.

I'm not taking the risk of having a child with him when we already do. Of course I want to keep my child. CPS doesn't scare me because I know my child isn't exposed to the drugs he does.

[Avelli]

1 rule we agreed on was to not have drugs in or use them when our child is home. It's never been a problem.

[Cat1864]

As several of us know very well, birth control isn't 100% effective. So, if it is a major concern for him even the tiniest margin of failure could cause him to back off from intercourse.

You need to look into support groups/counseling for yourself. If he will go with you, great. If he won't, then you can still learn new ways to approach the issues.

I think you need to learn more about the drugs he is doing (all of them) and the interactions and side-affects they can have.

As has been said, he needs to be honest with his doctor.

[Enigma1999]

You are so very lucky that I don't know where you live! If I did... I would call CPS AND the police to have your child taken away from you! Both of you!

Shame on you two!

You don't deserve to be parents!

With all of the drug use and excessive drinking...

This thread sickens me to no end! The fact that you are more concerned about his erection than the safety of your child just bothers me.

Oh and that's bull sh!t about your child not being around. F that! For the amount of drinking and drugs done in your household, I find it hard to believe that you two can just pick when you will do this. Oh and meth lasts a while, so even after you have used, your child is still seeing the aftermath of it.

Nice example you are setting for your child. You're only ulterior motive should be to protect your child's safety.

This thread should be closed!

[Avelli]

Thanks everyone for your input. I will look into counseling

[Avelli]

Thanks everyone for your input. I will look into it for myself. Who really know as it might just really help me out.

[Avelli]

Enigma... excuse you. You're making it seem like I'm an alcoholic and drug addict which I'm far from. I don't do drugs nor have I ever done them. I used to drink. You have no right saying that I don't deserve to be a parent. My child is well taken care of. For being a 23 year old mother I'm doing more for my child than any other 23 year old female I know. My child has everything she needs. I live in a great home, maintain a nice job, don't live off the government or ask my parents for help. It was my decision to have a child therefor I will take care of my child and I'm doing a great job at it. Well, with that said I'm going to ignore your ignorant .

[odinn7]

Does the child live in the same house as the guy?

[Enigma1999]

Enigma...excuse you. You're making it seem like I'm an alcoholic and drug addict which I'm far from. I don't do drugs nor have I ever done them. I used to drink. You have no right saying that I don't deserve to be a parent. My child is well taken care of. For being a 23 year old mother I'm doing more for my child than any other 23 year old female I know. My child has everything she needs. I live in a great home, maintain a nice job, don't live off of the government or ask my parents for help. It was my decision to have a child therefor I will take care of my child and I'm doing a great job at it. Well, with that said I'm going to ignore your ignorant .

I beg to differ. If you are such a "great" mother, then you wouldn't allow this idiot of a guy be around the child. Even if YOU don't do meth along with other drugs... HE does! He sounds like a loser. If you are a great mother, then you would take your child out of that situation.

[Synnen]

Thread closed before it degenerates further.