[objayson]

I may have made a mistake by reading a message received on my girlfriends phone, but I have been suspicious/anxious about how much she talks with her ex even though they have a child together.

I have a kid from a past relationship as well but it is nowhere near as involved as hers. Well the message said I love you, so I proceeded to check the rest of her messages, sent and received. They were a lot of I love you's from both of them and messages that led me to believe that they spend time with each other when I am at work. Messages that start from the moment she wakes up and lasting almost all day, conversations as if they were still together. I know shouldn't have done what I did, but it proves my suspicions correct.

Honestly I feel hurt but also relieved knowing that the problems that we've had in our relationship stem from this and not my doing. Please, just some others thoughts and advice/opinions. What should I do??

[Fr_Chuck]

Glad you can give her all the blame, Hope it makes you feel better, so what do you plan on doing.

When there are issues, normally it is not just one persons fault, there are often things in a relationship that cause issues and leads to more.

The question is now, where do you go from here.

[Sam66]

If I were in this situation with my boyfriend texting his ex that he loved her, I would absolutely hit the roof. I would dump him in a second. That is a very emotional, honest response but probably not good advice, haha. It's up to you. Firstly you should tell her you saw the messages and see what she has to say. I wouldn't really need to hear what my boyfriend had to say, but hear her out and then make your decision.

And Fr_Chuck makes a good point. Her texting her ex may have stemmed from the problems in your relationship, not the other way round.

[JudyKayTee]

I may have made a mistake by reading a message on my received on my girlfriends phone, but i have been suspicious/ anxious about how much she talks with her ex even though they have a child together. I have a kid from a passed relationship as well but it is nowhere near as involved as hers. well the message said i love you, so I proceeded to check the rest of her messages, sent and received. They was a lot of I love yous from both of them and messages that led me to believe that they spend time with each other when i am a t work, messages that start from the moment she wakes up and lasting almost all day, conversations as if they were still together. I know shouldn't have done what i did, but proves my suspicions correct. Honestly i feel hurt but also relieved knowing that the problems that we've had in our relationship stem from this and not my doing. Please, just some others thoughts and advice/opinions. What should i do???

I'm an investigator and I work on matrimonial situations. I advise people not to snoop unless they are prepared to deal with whatever they find. I don't think you were/are prepared.

I think a screaming conversation goes nowhere. The more you paint her into a corner the more she'll lie to get out of the corner.

I'd tell her that you snooped, that you know she's in contact, that you are hurt, what does SHE want to do. She may want to leave. She may want to stay.

I wouldn't let her choice be your choice, but it will let her know what you have found, what your concerns are.

And, yes, it takes two people in MOST cases to destroy a relationship. What is lacking in yours OR is she a "the grass is always greener" person?

[WindChill]

I'd confront her about the messages you found on her phone because I know if I was in this situation I'd feel very hurt and betrayed. Don't yell at her, just simply sit her down and ask her to be honest with u. Tell her your sorry for snooping and that you know it wasn't the right thing to do but explain that you felt it was something you had to do to try and ease your mind. Be honest with her and ask her that she do the same.

[talaniman]

Let face it, you were looking for something and you found it. Now tell her and be straight about it because either you work together to solve the problems, or you break up.

Its possible and not unheard of she wanted you to see those messages and left her phone unattended. Never know unless you communicate honestly.