[sajjw]

I have Borderline Personality Disorder which is a mental health disorder which makes life very difficult. My partner of 6 years lives in my house and helps me. He shops and cooks for us and helps me with my medication. He runs errands and works around my issues with being left alone. He helps me care for my dogs. He is wonderful. The problem is that although we love each other we are incompatible. We are very different characters and like different things. We find each other really hard work and find it hard to understand each other. We do not meet each others needs in some important ways.
He woud choose, because he loves me, to continue as we are but I'm not so sure if that is the best thing. Because of my condition, I have an intense need for a close loving relationship with someone I connect with. Although my current relationship has love in it, there is very little closeness which makes me feel continually anxious and rejected, although my partner does not mean to make me feel this way with his independence and distance. If I have something on my mind which I need to talk through he is not receptive to that; he has no patience for what to him is illogical thinking . I have a dream of being with someone I can talk to (up to a point of course), who also enjoys talking. My partner doesn't really enjoy talking but it is essential to me. There are other issues such as I really don't like his family and he doesn't like my best friend.
He is willing to move out and give it a try as just friends and I know he would continue to help and support me as much as I needed because he loves me and would want to. I wonder if it might be nice for him to have his own place where he can relax and be lazy without worrying about my expectations rather than living in my house being expected to act as if it is his too. He says it's his choice to live here with me despite everything so I should make this decision based purely on my own benefit. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to be alone but I've never been single because of this fear and wonder if it's time to face the demon and potentially gain self esteem and confidence through beating the phobia and being more independent. I am 39 yo this year. Would I be mad to give up such a wonderful devoted man despite our incompatibilities? I don't know if this should go in 'mental health' or 'relationships'.