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green_eyes0824 · Sep 30, 2012, 03:25 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years. He has gotten to where he does not like it when I try to be intimiate or even touch him in a sexual manner. He won't touch me sexually or intimiatly anymore either. We have sex about twice a month. But he watches a lot of porn and pleases himself four + times a week. He says he still loves me & is still attracted to me. But I feel like he is lying. He never makes me feel like special in anyway anymore. So my question is if he really does still love me and is attracted to me why would he rather watch porn and please himself then even be intiminate with me?

Idontknow123456 · Sep 30, 2012, 04:37 PM

I no exactually how u feel.. I feel like its me but I don't know what to do

green_eyes0824 · Sep 30, 2012, 06:32 PM

Originally Posted by Idontknow123456

I no exactually how u feel .. I feel like its me but I don't no what to do

Yeah I feel like it's me a lot. But then when I try to correct what I think I'm doing wrong nothing ever changes. I love him but I'm on the verge of calling it quits. I don't know how much more of this is I can handle

CravenMorhead · Oct 1, 2012, 10:42 AM

To answer the question: Does he still love me? Is he still attracted to me. The only person that can answer that is him and I am not sure if he knows at all.

A lot of relationships, and I have been in a few of these myself, are flash bang hot in the beginning. They're your everything. As it progress that fire is gone. It turns to be just a friendship where you sleep in the same bed. Where routine and life's daily be and flow have just worn any passion away and all that is left is the routine.

How do things like this happen? How does love die? Slowly and painfully. One or the other starts to realize that their partner isn't really what they're looking for and they pull away. Also people get focus on their own life, and not their life as part of a couple. It is also just the modern grind.

What it seems like here is that your boyfriend has reached the, "I don't want to be in this relationship but I don't want to end it." point. He is hoping you end it so he can be the victim; The dumped. Gain sympathy. Etc.

I don't think that porn or masturbation has anything to do with this. I believe the relationship has run its course and now it is just up to one or the other to finally put it out of it's misery.

I hate giving good people bad news.

Cat1864 · Oct 1, 2012, 12:08 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years. He has gotten to where he does not like it when I try to be intimiate or even touch him in a sexual manner. He won't touch me sexually or intimiatly anymore either. We have sex about twice a month. But he watches a lot of porn and pleases himself four + times a week. He says he still loves me & is still attracted to me. But I feel like he is lying. He never makes me feel like special in anyway anymore. So my question is if he really does still love me and is attracted to me why would he rather watch porn and please himself then even be intiminate with me?

Originally Posted by green_eyes0824

Yeah I feel like it's me a lot. but then when i try to correct what i think im doing wrong nothing ever changes. I love him but I'm on the verge of calling it quits. I don't know how much more of this is I can handle

There seems to be a disconnect between what you think is 'wrong' and how he views the relationship. When he tells you how he feels and tries to tell you what he needs, do you listen to him or do you decide he is 'lying' and shut him down/out? Do you think you know better than he does what he is thinking and feeling? Are you trying to work with him on finding a compromise or manipulate him into doing things your way? It is something you need to think about because you really haven't given any background information.

Issues in the bedroom rarely begin or end there. They are usually a symptom of problems in other areas. How is the rest of your relationship and your lives? Is he tired, stressed, healthy, etc.

You say that he doesn't make you feel special and doesn't show you intimacy. How do you treat him? Can he show intimacy without feeling pressured to have sex? Do you show him affection and intimacy that isn't designed to get him into bed? Do you do little things just because you care about him and don't expect anything in return?

Pressure to have sex is probably one of the biggest libido limiters. It can also be one that is the hardest to see. Sometimes we try so hard to 'fix' a problem that we make it worse. Is that what may be happening in your relationship?