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    Twink24's Avatar
    Twink24 Posts: 45, Reputation: -2
    Junior Member

    Sep 26, 2012, 08:50 PM
    Every time my mother and I are having a conversation about my Indigenous Health Studies Class she insists on making racist comments on how horrible aboriginals are, and how they are all alike yadda yadda yadda. I always either keep my mouth shut or roll my eyes, but tonight took the cake and I got ticked off. Just because you had a bad experience with a person of a different race doesn't mean that every aboriginal is a terrible person. And she goes on complaining about how they all live in "the hood", while a majority of our cities aboriginal population does in fact live closer downtown, not every single one is, and not every single one is causing havoc like she likes to believe. And tonight our fight escalated and she ended up crying. How do I go about this topic without so much conflict! Like tonight she admitted she was racist and I told her yes I agree, then she was extremely offended that I called her a racist even though she was the one who said it not me!
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674

    Sep 27, 2012, 02:34 AM
    You two do know that the classification aboriginals applies to our countries original people. I have never heard of anyone in my country, Canada, being racist against our native Canadians.

    If you two fight over this, why does the conversation come up? Stop talking about it.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692

    Sep 27, 2012, 02:48 AM
    I agree, first if she is, she is, you are not going to change her. My mother was racist till the day she died,

    So there is nothing you can do to change her. I would change the subject, refuse to talk to her about these things
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert

    Sep 27, 2012, 02:51 AM
    Perhaps this is Australia?
    Having major ongoing disagreements with people you live with is something you just have to avoid any way you can. It doesn't sound like your mother is going to change her opinion soon or easily or maybe ever, so if you ever do talk about it again, ask her what happened to her to cause such strong emotion. Maybe one person did something to her. If so, don't tell her how one person isn't the whole group, just listen, and gently find ways to bring up the idea in general over a long period.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674

    Sep 27, 2012, 03:18 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    Perhaps this is Australia?
    Yes, it could be, but why would you assume it is Australia; aboriginals are amerinds as well.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert

    Sep 27, 2012, 03:55 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by tickle View Post
    Yes, it could be be, but why would you assume it is Australia; aboriginals are amerinds as well.
    I didn't assume; hence the question mark. But Australians are more likely to call the aboriginals that word than any other country I know of, and the use of the word 'hood' ruled out some, so I thought it was a reasonable question.
    Twink24's Avatar
    Twink24 Posts: 45, Reputation: -2
    Junior Member

    Sep 27, 2012, 02:03 PM
    Yes this is in Canada. Yes I know what aboriginal means (I only used this word because I'm speaking about them in general). I am not sure where you live tickle but racism
    Against natives is everywhere. I don't bring these conversations up, it will be a racial slurr that gets me to sigh and she will be like well its true.and I tell her I disagree which brings on these arguments. I guess I'm going to have to just keep my mouth shut next time.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674

    Sep 27, 2012, 02:11 PM
    I live in Canada twink and I am 70 years old, so yes, I know. We have reservations somewhat near the town I live. Native Canadians don't tend to live in towns anywhere in Ontario.

    I haven't found racism everywhere and I am not ingorant of the fact, twink. Native Canadians are where they choose to be; in fact I have a lot of friends who are just that.

    What province do you live in ? Out west I suppose where the viewpoint is somewhat different; please explain. I am in healthcare and visit reserves.
    laurajanjennyjo's Avatar
    laurajanjennyjo Posts: 13, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Sep 11, 2013, 04:09 AM
    You ask how you can “go about” the topic without too much conflict; I'm afraid the situation dictates that you won't really be able to go about it at all without conflict. It's hard when you have a differing opinion on something so important with someone so important to you. This is because you love your mother of course, but you hate her opinion/attitude. Because the issue at hand is one quite fundamental to a person's moral compass it's hard to accept when you are around people who hold a completely different moral viewpoint; which is what is happening here. Unfortunately this is your mother, so you have no choice but to love her, that's the thing with mothers! I suppose if this were someone online, in the street, or even a friend, you might take them to task on their opinion without fear of repercussion, but because it's your mum you end up with conflict which you can't live with.

    Unfortunately it sounds as if your mother is hard set in her viewpoint. She even knows she is being “racist” and accepts that. I suspect that deep down she might realise she is being unreasonable, but it could be that she doesn't like backing down in her statements, this is a common psychological phenomenon; “when asked to either admit they were wrong or prove they were right, almost everyone gets busy on the proof” – basically people have an innate inability to admit a previously held assertion might be incorrect after all.

    It could be that she is comfortable in her view and doesn't want to go about changing things about her personality and world view at this stage in life.
    These are both principles I understand but don't relate to, as may be the case with you. But since you don't want conflict or upset in the household it really isn't something you can pursue.

    I suppose you have two options:

    1) Accept that your mother, whom you love, has some opinions that you don't like. Take pride in the fact that you have been able to evolve outside your home socialisation. We all tend to adopt our parents' viewpoints and even their moral outlooks, but you have managed to form an independent mind, and that is something you should be proud of. It seems to me you are more at least slightly more intelligent than your mother, and that in itself is a credit to her parenting skills, so she's not all that bad.

    2) Ask your mother for a sit down talk about something that is really bothering you. Ask if you can have a frank discussion about this without it turning into an argument, you want a debate, to hash out how you feel. Then broach the subject – tell her why you think she is wrong to have this view and why it doesn't make sense, ask that she think about it and think about changing her opinion. Good luck with that one.

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