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grandmaof2 · Sep 21, 2012, 03:43 PM

I really need someone to give me advise. I have been married 26 years my husband and I no longer have anything in common. He lives on computer doing games. Has been for about 3 years now. It is just him an I. He has no one here where we live. He is alway's right an I am wrong on everything, so I don't say anything anymore.He is alway's home. I am in my home 24/7 can't do anything. I need to leave but I don't know how to get out an get my stuff out without him knowing. Any suggestions.( Please ) I have tried to kill myself many times to try to get out, I don't know what to do.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 21, 2012, 10:02 PM

You just move, if you want to take your stuff, start packing it and carry it out, who cares if he knows, if he causes trouble, call the police

grandmaof2 · Sep 22, 2012, 06:07 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

You just move, if you want to take your stuff, start packing it and carry it out, who cares if he knows, if he causes trouble, call the police

Thanks Chuck. I took your advice but why do I feel like I'm the bad one? Why do I feel horrible? The problem I have is that I keep wondering what he'll do because we have no one else here where we live.

tan1991 · Sep 22, 2012, 06:15 PM

I'm really sorry to hear that but just think to yourself you ony live once this is your life and you both deserve to be happy just say your going to the shop when he is in the bath or shower so he can't follow and don't go back get someone else to get your stuff I hope tis helps

grandmaof2 · Sep 22, 2012, 06:23 PM

Originally Posted by tan1991

im really sorry to hear that but just think to yourself you ony live once this is your life and you both deserve to be happy just say your going to the shop when he is in the bath or shower so he can't follow and dont go back get someone else to get your stuff i hope tis helps

Thank You for replying. I said the same thing about being happy. Haven't been that in a very long time. It helps a lot, but why do I feel so bad like it's my fault? But yet it is his.

tan1991 · Sep 22, 2012, 06:47 PM

Originally Posted by grandmaof2

Thank You for replying. I said the same thing about being happy. Haven't been that in a very long time. It helps alot, but why do I feel so bad like it's my fault? But yet it is his.

Because maybe that's the knd of person you are you think of others before yourself why else would you have stayed so long in time you will realise that it was not your fault you need to get out there and enjoy your life

grandmaof2 · Sep 22, 2012, 07:00 PM

Originally Posted by tan1991

because maybe thats the knd of person you are you think of others before youself why else would you have stayed so long in time you will realise that it was not your fault you need to get out there and enjoy your life

Yes that I am I alway's helped others an never myself because that's what I did most of my life. I have had no life in a long time. I know it's not my fault, but it feels like it is. I am only 44 an I feel like I'm way older. I don't have friends. It's just me talking to myself most of the time.

tan1991 · Sep 22, 2012, 07:05 PM

Originally Posted by grandmaof2

Yes that I am I alway's helped others an never myself because that's what I did most of my life. I have had no life in a long time. I know it's not my fault, but it feels like it is. I am only 44 an I feel like I'm way older. I don't have friends. It's just me talking to myself most of the time.

Bless you well you can start living your life now just don't let anybody walk all over you you are worth more than that think of yourself for a change an one day you will find someone that will worship the floor you walk on

grandmaof2 · Sep 22, 2012, 07:15 PM

Originally Posted by tan1991

bless you well you can start living your life now just dont let anybody walk all over you you are worth more than that think of yourself for a change an one day you will find someone that will worship the floor you walk on

Thank You so much it has been nice speaking with you. You have helped me an I appreciate it more than you know. I don't think I want another:) just me will be fine. I've had too much heartache.I will try not to let anyone walk over me, as someone I already know. Thank You again you have been a blessing with just this little bit of time.

tan1991 · Sep 22, 2012, 07:18 PM

Originally Posted by grandmaof2

Thank You so much it has been nice speaking with you. You have helped me an I appreciate it more than you know. I don't think I want another:) just me will be fine. I've had too much heartache.I will try not to let anyone walk over me, as someone I already know. Thank You again you have been a blessing with just this little bit of time.

You are very welcome anytime and aslong as you are happy on your own then go for it just enjoy you time and be happy

grandmaof2 · Sep 22, 2012, 07:24 PM

Originally Posted by tan1991

you are very welcome anytime and aslong as you are happy on your own then go for it just enjoy you time and be happy

After 26 years I think I will an I know I will be much happier:) Thank You again an I hope you are happy an have a happy life too :) You seem like a really nice person.And I have enjoyed talking with you

Enigma1999 · Sep 22, 2012, 07:49 PM

Originally Posted by grandmaof2

Thanks Chuck. I took your advice but why do I feel like I'm the bad one? Why do I feel horrible? The problem I have is that I keep wondering what he'll do because we have no one else here where we live.

Perhaps because he has conditioned you to feel guilty about yourself. Maybe he plays the victim" card. I'm not quite sure.

44 is still young. You have a lot of life left in you, and you shouldn't have to remain unhappy. At least I don't believe so.

I have to ask though, have you two had ANY type of counseling? Have you shared your feelings with him? In other words, will this all come as a surprise to him?

I typically don't give advice on leaving until I know that all actions have been made. Meaning counseling, communication...so on and so forth. However, if there has been all of that, and he simply does not care about your feelings or to change his ways, then why feel guilty? I would leave. Why do YOU think he is spending so much time on the computer playing games? Is it some type of an escape from reality? Are you two having financial difficulties? Loss of employment? Death in the family? New Location? Could it be that he is depressed and does not know how to handle it? Are you two fighting a lot to where he feels the need to just hide in the computer to stay out of your way? When was the last time you two made love? Held hands, or even kissed for that matter?

You mentioned "killing yourself." Why? How long have you had those thoughts? Does he know? I'm sorry, but I didn't see children in this, do you two have children?

There is a lot to answer and I am only trying to gain a better understanding of your situation.

grandmaof2 · Sep 22, 2012, 08:44 PM

Originally Posted by Enigma1999

Perhaps because he has conditioned you to feel guilty about yourself. Maybe he plays the victim" card. I'm not quite sure.

44 is still young. You have a lot of life left in you, and you shouldn't have to remain unhappy. At least I don't believe so.

I have to ask though, have you two had ANY type of counseling? Have you shared your feelings with him? In other words, will this all come as a surprise to him?

I typically don't give advice on leaving until I know that all actions have been made. Meaning counseling, communication...so on and so forth. However, if there has been all of that, and he simply does not care about your feelings or to change his ways, then why feel guilty? I would leave. Why do YOU think he is spending so much time on the computer playing games? Is it some type of an escape from reality? Are you two having financial difficulties? Loss of employment? Death in the family? New Location? Could it be that he is depressed and does not know how to handle it? Are you two fighting a lot to where he feels the need to just hide in the computer to stay out of your way? When was the last time you two made love? Held hands, or even kissed for that matter?

You mentioned "killing yourself." Why? How long have you had those thoughts? Does he know? I'm sorry, but I didn't see children in this, do you two have children?

There is a lot to answer and I am only trying to gain a better understanding of your situation.

Thank You for writing, No we don't have any problems, well except that he is the one that's alway's right an I am wrong. He does not believe in counceling or other stuff. He stays on the computer because his sister an her husband got him into this game a few years back an he has not been off since. He likes to talk but only when he wants to. I have been in hospital many times because of him. And when I would come home he would tell me I just wanted a vacation.But that's when I tried to killl myself an he tells me I'm crazy for doing it. I've tried to talk but he want listen to me he tells me I take to long when I do or I don't say things of what I'm talking about. No we don't have children.It's alway's his way or no way.No he is not depressed he has told me.As far as making love or holding hands try very very long time (years) when we use to go out he would hold hands not anymore. Yes he's knows everything. I have left him in the past. But alway's went back. But I was younger how that I'm older I can't do it anymore. He lost his mom & dad years ago, but that is not the problem. It's like I am just hear to wait on him. He makes me feel so low he is abusive with his talking to me. But everything is my fault according to him. I still go to theraphy. But it doesn't help. How can you fight when you don't talk.No he doesn't need to hide, he just feels he has to be on there.

JudyKayTee · Sep 23, 2012, 08:55 AM

Originally Posted by grandmaof2

I really need someone to give me advise. I have been married 26 years my husband and I no longer have anything in common. He lives on computer doing games. Has been for about 3 years now. It is just him an I. He has no one here where we live. He is alway's right an I am wrong on everything, so I don't say anything anymore.He is alway's home. I am in my home 24/7 can't do anything. I need to leave but I don't know how to get out an get my stuff out without him knowing. Any suggestions.( Please ) I have tried to kill myself many times to try to get out, I don't know what to do.

When the "kill myself" subject enters a thread I think it's time for professonal intervention.

I do not take that phrase lightly. Many years ago one of my best friends kill herself and I very often wonder it I could have said or done something, should have realized something was amiss, could have stopped her, should have stopped her.

At any rate if you are this desperate you need to speak to a professonal.

odinn7 · Sep 23, 2012, 09:08 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I do not take that phrase lightly. Many years ago one of my best friends kill herself and I very often wonder it I could have said or done something, should have realized something was amiss, could have stopped her, should have stopped her.

That's rough. I went through that years ago in HS. You can't hold onto that and blame yourself and wonder "what if". I sympathize with you because I know it's hard to deal with.

JudyKayTee · Sep 23, 2012, 09:33 AM

Originally Posted by odinn7

That's rough. I went through that years ago in HS. You can't hold onto that and blame yourself and wonder "what if". I sympathize with you because I know it's hard to deal with.

Thanks - I half raised her son and daughter (who was 12 months old when she died). I know very well that if I (or anyone else) had stopped her that day she would have killed herself some other day.

Doesn't make it easier, but I do appreciate (as always) the kind words.