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Abcde21 · Sep 19, 2012, 10:45 PM

I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 25. We have been together for 9 months and I love him dearly but he has no confidence when it comes to sex so it's really boring. I've tried suggesting new things to try but he gets shy and angry if I bring it up and just brushes it off. We used to do lots of different positions but now it's just plain old missionary all the time and I am totally bored to the point where I've practically lost my sex drive.
Can anyone give me some advice?

momknowsbest · Sep 20, 2012, 07:55 AM

Well, you can't tell him that he is not good in bed because that will crush him and affect him for the rest of his life. Besides, just because you don't think he is good doesn't mean that he wouldn't satisfy another woman.

It doesn't sound as if he is willing to talk about it or work on it.

So, I'm sorry to say that this relationship has no future. Your eye will start wandering and looking for something better. It just will. The truth is that some people are just not compatible sexually. You deserve to have a man that makes your toes curl. I've been married for nearly thirty years and my toes still curl! But, I have had relationships like yours and trust me, it will not last.

I wish you all the best and remember, don't settle, you deserve more!

JudyKayTee · Sep 20, 2012, 09:49 AM

Originally Posted by Abcde21

I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 25. We have been together for 9 months and I love him dearly but he has no confidence when it comes to sex so it's really boring. I've tried suggesting new things to try but he gets shy and angry if I bring it up and just brushes it off. We used to do lots of different positions but now it's just plain old missionary all the time and I am totally bored to the point where I've practically lost my sex drive.
Can anyone give me some advice?

You "used to do lots of different positions" but now he has no confidence. Why did things change?

All you can do is talk to him.

I would have a different answer if he had always been shy - but that certainly does not appear to be the case.

smoothy · Sep 20, 2012, 12:49 PM

Imagine what it will be like after you've been married 10, 20 or 30 years if he's like this already.

Abcde21 · Sep 20, 2012, 01:25 PM

I don't think I should just break up with him because the sex isn't great...
He's got a new job that's quite tiring so I think that might be why he's not so adventurous now, but I feel like it's a bit unfair on me- I work full time too and I still put in the effort.
I just don't know what to do. He just isn't very open when it comes to sex. I think he thinks that what pleases one girl pleases every girl which is obviously not the case.

smoothy · Sep 20, 2012, 03:26 PM

And... 99.99% chance that's the way he's ALWAYS going to be.

Most people stop making the effort after the new meat effect wears off... not just men but women too... you see the real him.

Besides its only been 9 months... you are still in lust with him... if you was together 3 or4 years... then it might be love. They feel much the same... until you have really experienced real love then you can tell the difference... because its hard to put into words.

JudyKayTee · Sep 20, 2012, 03:49 PM

Originally Posted by Abcde21

I don't think I should just break up with him because the sex isn't great...
He's got a new job that's quite tiring so I think that might be why he's not so adventurous now, but I feel like it's a bit unfair on me- I work full time too and I still put in the effort.
I just don't know what to do. He just isn't very open when it comes to sex. I think he thinks that what pleases one girl pleases every girl which is obviously not the case.

Then I don't know why you asked - you got answers (apparently which you did not like) BUT if he won't talk about sex, what else won't he talk about?

I have found that feelings I am being treated unfairly are followed by feelings of resentment and eventually I'm very, very unhappy.

If you don't want to leave and if you can't talk to him you have only one choice - stay in the relationship and be unhappy.

And I'll repeat what I said - I'd be less concerned about the number of times you have sex and whether you're satisifed and more concerned about the "used to do lots of positions and now it's just missionary." This isn't a change in frequency.

At any rate - I see only two choices, as I've already stated.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 20, 2012, 04:02 PM

Take control, don't ask, when sex is starting, tell him this is what you want tonight. Be more aggressive and is you are not laying missionary, he can't do missionary

Abcde21 · Sep 20, 2012, 09:27 PM

I see where you're all coming from. I'll admit that I'm not happy, he's quite controlling and has a quick temper, but I'm scared to leave him because he owes me a lot of money and I just know I'll never get it back if I finish with him. I just keep telling myself it will get better, and he'll see the light and make more of an effort in our relationship but going on what you guys have said maybe I'm just wasting my time.

JudyKayTee · Sep 21, 2012, 06:33 AM

Originally Posted by Abcde21

I see where you're all coming from. I'll admit that I'm not happy, he's quite controlling and has a quick temper, but I'm scared to leave him because he owes me a lot of money and I just know I'll never get it back if I finish with him. I just keep telling myself it will get better, and he'll see the light and make more of an effort in our relationship but going on what you guys have said maybe I'm just wasting my time.

This changes the situation entirely - would you rather be unhappy or get your money back?

Abcde21 · Sep 21, 2012, 07:51 AM

Honestly I'd rather get my money back, it's around £1000 he owes me, I can't afford to lose out on that sort of cash.
It's such a rubbish situation to be in.

Abcde21 · Sep 21, 2012, 08:04 AM

Do you think he's using the fact that he owes me money to keep me with him? He knows I want it paid back yet he hasn't started paying me back even though he's working again now. Maybe he knows when it's paid off I'll leave him?

smoothy · Sep 21, 2012, 08:10 AM

Originally Posted by Abcde21

Do you think he's using the fact that he owes me money to keep me with him? He knows I want it paid back yet he hasn't started paying me back even though he's working again now. Maybe he knows when it's paid off I'll leave him?

Its possible...

Enigma1999 · Sep 21, 2012, 05:47 PM

Originally Posted by Abcde21

I see where you're all coming from. I'll admit that I'm not happy, he's quite controlling and has a quick temper, but I'm scared to leave him because he owes me a lot of money and I just know I'll never get it back if I finish with him. I just keep telling myself it will get better, and he'll see the light and make more of an effort in our relationship but going on what you guys have said maybe I'm just wasting my time.

Well this took a completely different turn. One minute you "love him dearly", the next you are saying that you are unhappy.

Why stay with a controlling person who is quick to lose his temper? Not to mention, bad in bed!

If he owes you money... well then, let this be a learning lesson for you to NEVER loan anyone money. Take the loss and move on. OR stick around until he finally decides to strike you!

The choice is yours...

smoothy · Sep 21, 2012, 06:47 PM

Only a thousand pounds Sterling... and you are putting up with this... I'd start
Demanding some of your money back now even if is 100 a paycheck...

But myself... I wouldn't put up with much over That amount of money... I make that in a week and a half... you have to decide what your peace of mind is worth to you.