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antoinette12508 · Sep 18, 2012, 08:49 PM

So I've been with my boyfriend almost 9yrs (nov) and he has always been on my case about wanting a 3some. To start I am a jealous girlfriend my boyfriend and I have been through a lot, by the way when I say I'm jealous its real bad, I get angry @ movies with nudity of anykind, sometimes its OK but if the movie just has one scene after another I just like freak out, anyway I don't know how I could do this for him if I am the way I am. I want to do it but I don't even want him looking at her. What do I do? I'm 25 and he's 29, I also have trust issues with him from past undesirable events that took place up to 6 yrs ago.

Alty · Sep 18, 2012, 08:52 PM

Having a threesome is a common fantasy, especially for men. The fact that it sounds like your boyfriend is pressuring you into having one, leaves a bad taste in my mouth. That alone would make me kick his arse to the curb.

You don't sound thrilled about this, and if you're not totally into it, it's just a recipe for disaster. Both people have to want to do this in order for it to work, and even then it usually doesn't end well.

I would tell him that you don't want to do this, and if he can't accept that, then maybe you two shouldn't be together. Either you're enough for him, or you're not.

antoinette12508 · Sep 18, 2012, 09:48 PM

He has said that if I don't give him one he'll just go out and have one, cause that's something he has always wanted... We have 2 children together the oldest is almost 3, and I really don't want to leave him for something so petty but I think if I do it once he will expect it again or maybe even threat to go n get another one again. Also I'm afraid that the person who we choose to join us might want to pursue something more, or even discreetly with my boyfriend... I just feel like a jealous crazy person with a huge imagination I cannot stand it wishing I could just turn it off for a week...

odinn7 · Sep 18, 2012, 10:04 PM

Not feeling comfortable with the idea of a threesome does not make you a "jealous crazy person with a huge imagination". If you are not comfortable with it, you are better off not doing it. You shouldn't be made to do this for him.

As far as his threat goes, tell him when he does that, he can stay with them because you will be kicking him out.

CravenMorhead · Sep 19, 2012, 07:31 AM

If he is handing out ultimatiums like that you might want to start looking for a divorce lawyer. Especially since you intimate that this event six years ago shook your trust in him. Did he cheat on you?

You're jealous. That's your problem and you should probably deal with it. It isn't going to make anything easier that is for sure.

You've said no to the threesome many times and he is still pushing it. You should talk with him and impress, calming and firmly, that as long as he is with you the threesome won't happen and to stop asking for that same reason. Tell him you don't share your men with other women. It would be advisable to share the consequences with him about this as well. Including child support and alimony.

If you don't want to do it, and if he is in a committed relationship with you, than it shouldn't happen. Easy as that. He needs to realize this.

Synnen · Sep 19, 2012, 07:36 AM

A threesome needs to be wanted by ALL THREE PARTIES involved. If even ONE is not on board with the rules and expectations, it's a disaster.

Anyone with jealousy issues should NEVER be involved in a threesome.

The next time he threatens to have a threesome without you, calmly tell him to start planning for alimony and child support, because you will divorce his a$$ the second you find out about it---and you WILL find out about it. Furthermore, I think you should let him know that it is NEVER going to happen, and you quite frankly never want to hear about it again.

OR--on the flip side---ask him what kind of men he is attracted to the next time it comes up. I mean, if you're going to have a threesome with another man, you need to know what kind of guy he's willing to go down on or have go down on him. Let him know you'd for sure like the third to be well hung, and a good kisser. I mean--he wants a threesome, right? Adding another man would be a threesome. I bet he backs off after that.

JudyKayTee · Sep 19, 2012, 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by antoinette12508

He has said that if I don't give him one he'll just go out and have one, cause that's something he has always wanted... We have 2 children together the oldest is almost 3, and I really don't want to leave him for something so petty but I think if I do it once he will expect it again or maybe even threat to go n get another one again. Also I'm afraid that the person who we choose to join us might want to pursue something more, or even discreetly with my boyfriend... I just feel like a jealous crazy person with a huge imagination I cannot stand it wishing I could just turn it off for a week...

He doesn't want a three-some. If he's said he would find one without you if you don't cooperate he's looking for sex with another woman (or two).

There's a difference.

Wondergirl · Sep 19, 2012, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

OR--on the flip side---ask him what kind of men he is attracted to the next time it comes up. I mean, if you're going to have a threesome with another man, you need to know what kind of guy he's willing to go down on or have go down on him. Let him know you'd for sure like the third to be well hung, and a good kisser. I mean--he wants a threesome, right? Adding another man would be a threesome. I bet he backs off after that.

I'm with Synnen! Tell him that the threesome will have to be with a drop-dead-gorgeous and very sensitive male, not a female.

JudyKayTee · Sep 19, 2012, 11:09 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I'm with Synnen! Tell him that the threesome will have to be with a drop-dead-gorgeous and very sensitive male, not a female.

EDIT: This is a troubled relationship - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...rn-703097.html

Synnen · Sep 19, 2012, 11:34 AM

Judy--that goes without saying. Nearly all relationships where a threesome comes up are troubled. Not ALL--just almost all. It CAN be done in a loving relationship---but this relationship isn't.

antoinette12508 · Sep 20, 2012, 08:06 PM

These are some great comments thank you! Very helpful and Judy I do actually like that comment you wrote, really makes me think :(

Enigma1999 · Sep 21, 2012, 05:38 PM

Originally Posted by antoinette12508

So I've been with my boyfriend almost 9yrs (nov) and he has always been on my case about wanting a 3some. To start off I am a jealous gf my boyfriend nd I have been through a lot, btw when I say I'm jealous its real bad, I get angry @ movies with nudity of anykind, sometimes its ok but if the movie just has one scene after another I just like freak out, anyway idk how I could do this for him if I am the way I am. I want to do it but I don't even want him looking at her. What do I do?? I'm 25 and he's 29, I also have trust issues with him from past undesirable events that took place up to 6 yrs ago.

This will only add fuel to the fire. I don't think that you can handle this. The fact that you get jealous over intimate scenes in movies? Yes. Well. I don't think you should do this. I also believe that you have a very unstable relationship.

Sorry... but, Jealousy + Trust issues= a recipe for disaster.

A relationship should consist of trust, security, and communication.

I am not quite sure why you have trust issues, however, if I were him... I would run for the hills, because quite frankly, your "crazy jealous" issues will only last for so long. In other words... he will get sick of it, and I don't blame him.

antoinette12508 · Sep 24, 2012, 05:08 AM

He's has actually been handling it all right, I have a hurtful past and he's kind of messed a couple times in our relationship, all in all were doing a lot better, with some help and keeping busy I don't show my issues anymore. But anyway thanks..

momma5 · Sep 24, 2012, 02:45 PM

A threesome will not make things "better" and will not help this situation at all. And from what you've said in previous comments it sounds like if you allow it then he will automatically think this is his freedom card to do whatever whenever with whomever. And if you don't allow it.. . same card just different circumstances. When my now ex husband brought it up with me that was where it led. And note: I said EX husband

CravenMorhead · Sep 25, 2012, 07:20 AM

Originally Posted by momma5

A threesome will not make things "better" and will not help this situation at all. And from what you've said in previous comments it sounds like if you allow it then he will automatically think this is his freedom card to do whatever whenever with whomever. And if you don't allow it. .... same card just different circumstances. When my now ex husband brought it up with me that was where it led. And note: I said EX husband

Forgive me for saying, but that is a little narrow minded. Just because that is what happened to you doesn't mean that it will happen with everyone.

I know of several couples in real life, and at times I wish I didn't know this about them, that can have these types of adventures and have it not affect their marriage. I am not saying that all encounters will end that way. That would be narrow minded.

There are several key principles to having a successful threesome. All come down to having respect and trust between the principle pair. If you don't have that than you're doomed regardless of who is or isn't brought into the bed room.

And give men a little credit, we're not all over sexed beasts that will take your inch and go a mile. That is honestly insulting. I understand what happened to you and sympathise with your plight but don't paint us all as opportunistic sex fiends.

The threesome here is a bad idea but for completely different reasons than what caused your marriage to dissolve. No two cases at the same.

Synnen · Sep 25, 2012, 07:29 AM

Originally Posted by CravenMorhead

There are several key principles to having a successful threesome. All come down to having respect and trust between the principle pair. If you don't have that than you're doomed regardless of who is or isn't brought into the bed room.
.

All THREE parties, not just the principal pair.

The biggest problem most people have with threesomes is they expect it to be like porn, where everyone falls into bed and has a good time with no issues at all.

Successful threesomes pretty much need to be scripted. You can do X, but not Y. No one can do Z. If anyone is uncomfortable, we use the word "Velcro" and we stop to reassess and discuss.

You have to have ABSOLUTE trust in your partner, though.

The biggest issues I see are jealousy (you liked her more than me! You paid more attention to him than to me!) and lack of well... being realistic. Your partner is GOING to enjoy that other person. That other person is GOING to enjoy your partner. If you don't want your partner to enjoy it, then don't do it. And yes---there WILL be comparisons. In some of them, you'll come out the loser no matter what you do. Yes, her tits ARE perkier--or whatever. You have to be able to get past that.

And you have to completely, 100% trust that any communication you have with your partner before, during, or after the threesome is 100% honest. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT honest. And you have to be 100% receptive to that honesty---if you can't deal with it, your relationship isn't strong enough for a threesome.

CravenMorhead · Sep 25, 2012, 07:41 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

All THREE parties, not just the principal pair.

Fair point.

momma5 · Sep 25, 2012, 09:48 AM

I was replying based on the information the OP had given in earlier posts. She said she has a jealousy issue plus trust issues. Hence the reason I stated that if she thought a 3some would fix that and her relationship than she was sadly mistaken

smoothy · Sep 26, 2012, 06:07 AM

No should be the only answer you need to give. EVER.

Enigma1999 · Sep 26, 2012, 10:54 AM

Originally Posted by antoinette12508

He's has actually been handling it alright, I have a hurtful past and he's kinda messed a couple times in our relationship, all in all were doing a lot better, with some help and keeping busy I don't show my issues anymore. But anyway thanks...?

I don't know if I buy what you are saying here... Based on this thread along with your other thread, I find it hard to believe that you don't show your issues... anymore.

But anyway you're welcome..