[tt9978]

Hello,

I have a life changing dilemma & I feel some outside opinions would help provide clarity.

Background: I’m 41 divorced with a 7 year old daughter. My ex has sole custody. We currently both live on the west coast about 30-45 minutes from each other. I currently see my daughter 1-2 times a week. Up until recently my ex & I have been on very good terms.

Originally we’re both from the east coast. My ex is planning to move back to be closer to her family (parents & sister). If she has her way the move may happen sometime within the next 3-5 months.

The dilemma: Under normal circumstances I would move back too, not only to stay close to my daughter, but there’s also a part of me who misses the east coast (my family also lives back east) & would gladly move back if the opportunity presented itself. However… about a year & a half ago I started dating a wonderful women. We’re both very much in love & have started making future plans (marriage). She’s been a true blessing in my life & I can’t imagine living without her. Also – after years of dating (since my divorce) I truly understand that quality, loving relationships are precious & do not grow on trees. I treasure every moment I spend with her.

She has already said that she has no desire moving east with me. Her family & career are both out west. Me moving back would be a true deal breaker. We have talked about what our life would look like if I had a long distance relationship with my daughter. My fear is that it looks good on paper however reality can be very different. When I think of living 3000 miles away from my daughter, I’m filled with guilt. Even though we no longer have a “traditional” home & still want to be a consistent part of her life.

But on the other hand, I’m afraid if I move back I’ll never find someone like my present relationship. I don’t know if I can take another heart break…. I’ve been through enough of them already in my life. They’re NOT fun!

Any advice of works of encouragement will be most appreciated. I feel like this is the worst decision I’ve ever had to make.

[Wondergirl]

With email, Skype, phone, etc. you can easily remain a vital part of your daughter's life if you don't move East. Of course, it will take work to do this. More ideas: You can tape yourself reading a book to her, you can send fun and interesting snail mail on a twice weekly basis. You can arrange for her to come to you (or you pick her up) during summers and longer holidays.

If I were you, I'd stay where I am to see where this romantic relationship goes and meanwhile work hard to creatively continue the relationship with my daughter.

[tt9978]

@Wondergirl Thanks for the input. Yes it's a brave new world! I've already discussed many of those ideas with both with my ex & current relationship.

Does anyone else have some insight?

[Fr_Chuck]

What about saying child can not move ? Does not the custody order requrie that the child stay living within so many miles of you ?
** if not it should**
You could file to restrict the move of the child legally.
** so much of course for getting along with the ex.

Personally, nope there is no way I would be away from my child. When I divorced my wife, I got custody but I was not allowed to move more than 25 miles from my ex without her written approval.

[tt9978]

@Fr_Chuck Thanks! Yes I know about my legal rights. I'm actually meeting with someone on Friday. However I was hoping to work this out without lawyers. I would like to keep positive, open relationship with my ex if possible.