[Montecito_Rise]

I am a 29 yr old man involved with a 23 yr old female co-worker. We have been dating for about 5 months exclusively & spent a decent, but not extreme amount of time together. Her ex-boyfriend has been the cause of a significant amount of stress on my part because he is constantly trying to call her. They just broke up about a month or two before we started dating.

Disaster struck this week when she made plans for a birthday party for her. Initially, when I told her it would be awkward for me to have him there, she said she didn't want to hurt me and that she would make sure he wasn't there.(they have many mutual friends who will be attending) When push came to shove though, her friend sent out the evite to her ex, and she said she couldn't tell a person who she had dated for 5 years and been friends with for 10 yrs not to come when all of their other friends would. After a LONG and painful (not aided by my insecurity) conversation, she said she wanted me to come to the party as well, and didn't know for sure if he would be there, but didn't want any PDA between us at the party so as not to hurt his feelings. She has told him & their other friends we are dating, but doesn't want it thrown in peoples face. I finally told her I would just not go & make th situation less stressful for everyone, which she said she appreciated & thanked me for.

We have taken 3 trips together & spent many days & nights hanging out in the last few months & I have invested a lot of time,money, and emotion into this relationship, and want it to work. She has said occasionally that I make her feel claustrophobic, which I know is because I get annoyed when I suggest plans and she has other ideas. I know this is happening as a direct result of my insecurity over the ex-bf issue. She is an honest girl, to a fault & I have no reason to believe she has or would cheat on me. Still, the deference to his feelings over mine on the birthday issue have me rattled. She tells me she loves me often, and still talks about future plans excitedly, even since this recent situation arose. She has told me she is happy and does not want to break up, but needs time before she is comfortable revealing the extent of our involvement to him & their mutual friends (who she fears will side with him once they find out she is dating someone else seriously).

I am struggling because I love this girl, but I am HORRIBLE at giving space, always have been & it is tearing me up to have to not attend this party. I also on the other hand, feel that her behavior is slightly unreasonable & unfair & that my needs are not being met. But, my only interest is seeing this relationship survive & I need some advice as to how I can make this most likely to be successful. HELP! [/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B]

[talaniman]

You are to old to be tripping on the competition, and if you can't believe in your g/f and just lay back and have fun you will destroy this relationship. Work to overcome your issues and take the high road of a cool confident b/f. Don't worry about the ex she's with you. Get professional help if you must, as this will affect not only this relationship, but all areas of your life.

[Montecito_Rise]

You are to old to be tripping on the competition, and if you can't believe in your g/f and just lay back and have fun you will destroy this relationship. Work to overcome your issues and take the high road of a cool confident b/f. Don't worry about the ex she's with you. Get professional help if you must, as this will affect not only this relationship, but all areas of your life.

This makes a lot of sense. Thanks for your response.

[talaniman]

This makes a lot of sense. Thanks for your response.

Relax, you're the big dog and all the pups can do is bark from the porch, when you come down the sidewalk

I always wanted to say that, and it is so true.