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ace1978 · Mar 8, 2007, 01:43 PM

Ok, now I'm really confused! As some of you know I recently told my ex-girlfriend how I wanted to start seeing her again and possibly get back together. She told me she still thought about me all the time and missed me, however she was enjoying her freedom and being single right now. This weekend I'm going out on the town with some buddies, she's going out as well with her girlfriends. This is where I get confused. Last night she called me and said, "hey after you are done with your buddies on Saturday night, we should get a hotel room downtown and have sex." So my question is can she get together with me, have sex, and have no emotional feelings after our 2 year history together. Especially since the breakup was pretty much my doing and we've only been broken up for two months. Could this be her way of easing back into a relationship with me? She's not at all the slutty type, she's never had a one night stand, only relationships, which also makes me wonder what this sex could mean to her?? Please help! Thanks!

phillysteakandcheese · Mar 8, 2007, 02:09 PM

In conjunction with your other posts, it strikes me that she wants to be back in a relationship with you too.

Offering sex is one way to try and make the relationship more appealing.

Sex without strings attached is truly rare... Maybe not impossible, but almost always grows into an emotional bond that gets blurred after a few "encounters"... and then the strings appear.

Nosnosna · Mar 8, 2007, 02:15 PM

There's no way to know exactly what's going on in her head. She probably doesn't really know at this point.

I will say that hooking up for what looks like a one night stand in order to ease back into a relationship is a Bad Idea (TM). You're already in strange territory with the whole maybe getting back together maybe not stuff floating around, and to add sex outside of a relationship framework at this point is just going to confuse things further.

She COULD be going for no-strings-attached sex just because she has an itch and knows you're a safe source for scratching it.

mrsmoz · Mar 8, 2007, 02:17 PM

Me and my ex broke up nearly 2 months ago. I spk to him las night on myspace for the 1st time in weeks and all these feelings came flooding back to me! If I slept with him now I would definaltly fall for him all over again!
If she says she misses you and she wants sex she must want you still! That's the onli reason why I would want to meet my ex! No strings sex with an ex of 2years would be difficult to bottle up emotions!. I think anyway :)
X

Skell · Mar 8, 2007, 03:16 PM

Who knows what is going on in her head.

IT may be her way of easing back into a relationship but it isn't a very mature or healthy way in my opinion. What about she just talk to you about her feelings and where you guys are headed.

But it could also be that she simply wants to have sex with you. She may have a that little of emotional attachment left for you that she is comfortable to simply have sex with you, knowing you will say yes, and then up and leave and go back to her single life without you. That is a big possibility in my opinion.

If I were you I would be politely declining her offer saying you don't want to be used as just some sex object as your feelings for her run deeper than that!

Nohitter410 · Mar 8, 2007, 03:32 PM

Have sex with her... especially if you still like her

But make sure you don't make the sex such a big deal and try to smother her to get back together. You already made it known that it is what you want. You have her where you want her in my opinion because she knows what you want.

What I would do and I know this would work is to hook up with her but don't act like you need it all the time. Because she will be confused and after a while of hooking she will either ask to come back to you or you will figure this girl isn't for you. Either way I think you will have the decision.

kanicky73 · Mar 8, 2007, 03:38 PM

It almost seems to me because she pointed out that she is "enjoying her freedom" that this girl may have gotten a taste of the "single life". What I mean by that is dating different guys, getting the attention she needs but when it comes to sex, you are familiar and "safe" so to speak. I am sure you can bet that while she is out with the girls that night she will be flirting with anyone who shows a slight interest, but she has the security there at the end of the night to say, I am going home alone and then come to see you to fulfull her needs. Believe it or not guys, there are some of us women out there that actually do enjoy sex as much as men do!! Not all of us associate it with love.

Skell · Mar 8, 2007, 05:41 PM

Originally Posted by Nohitter410

Have sex with her...especially if you still like her

But make sure you don't make the sex such a big deal and try to smother her to get back together. You already made it known that it is what you want. You have her where you want her in my opinion because she knows what you want.

What I would do and I know this would work is to hook up with her but don't act like you need it all the time. Because she will be confused and after a while of hooking she will either ask to come back to you or you will figure this girl isn't for you. Either way I think you will have the decision.

Your posts Nohitter continue to lead me to believe that you still think this is all a big game and if you play it right it will work out in your favour.

Without hijacking the thread I just want to say that it certainly isn't the case and people who play games and think they have people where they want them invariably lose and find out the hard way that games are for children!

Nosnosna · Mar 8, 2007, 05:47 PM

Originally Posted by Nohitter410

Have sex with her...especially if you still like her

But make sure you don't make the sex such a big deal and try to smother her to get back together. You already made it known that it is what you want. You have her where you want her in my opinion because she knows what you want.

What I would do and I know this would work is to hook up with her but don't act like you need it all the time. Because she will be confused and after a while of hooking she will either ask to come back to you or you will figure this girl isn't for you. Either way I think you will have the decision.

I can't recommend against this course of action strongly enough.

If you do this, you're doing it on her terms. If she's not interested in getting back together, you're letting her use you, and you're going to be even more interested in her because you've added this aspect of the relationship back in. If she is interested, then by doing this before getting back together, you've lost any chance at keeping a stable definition of the relationship.

Stay away, and only go back to being intimate on your terms. Anything else is selling yourself out for a booty call.

talaniman · Mar 8, 2007, 08:00 PM

You still have feelings so the friends with benefits game is out. It will only retard your healing, and keep you off a healthy path. Her agenda is so unimportant, and her motives are irrelevant as your well being must be first. Say NO to her, and keep your power!!!!

Reang · Mar 8, 2007, 08:05 PM

Well sex is sex, and some women enjoy sex the way many men do. Sex A la Carte. But one thing's for sure, sex is more fun with emotion evolved. And are you sure she wasn't just a bit drunk if it was so out of character?

talaniman · Mar 8, 2007, 08:31 PM

She could be just fishing to see what you'll say. Take a pass.

Nohitter410 · Mar 8, 2007, 09:06 PM

I mean as I wrote this it probably wasn't the best advice. It would definitely retard his growth and cause a problem if he truly wants to get back together.

But I am sorry if that came across as a game but he can't just sit back and just hope she comes back to him at some point with the no contact. What I told him is in my opinion what would work with a girl that age. If I was older and wiser and been through much more and looking for more I am sure I could have given better advice. But based on what that girl said and her actions it truly is an option. You can disagree all you want but those conventional, by the book ways don't always work.

No contact is one helluva way to get to know yourself and help you grow as a person and realize that one person doesn't make or break you. She wanted freedom but at the same time wanted sex with him. He already made his point that he wanted to get back with her. He needs to say nothing else, she knows where he stands and right now she feels like no matter what he will always be there. If she wants to still get with him after breaking his heart, it either means that nothing else is completely fulfilling her out there no matter how much fun she is having, he is safe and familiar and she wants to make sure he is still around in the long run or maybe she just wants sex. Why not give in once in awhile? He hasn't hooked up with her in awhile, he needs to keep that ingrained in her head. If he gives her space and keeps her guessing, I am sorry he will become more of a mystery and not the same safe guy he once was. You can say all you want about my answer and I am sure it needs some adjusting but she is not ready for a relationship and yes I am sure he can sit back and a few years for her to come to her senses but he will make it worse.

Nohitter410 · Mar 8, 2007, 09:10 PM

I just don't understand sometimes how every answer has to be such a safe way in terms of just sitting back and letting things take it course. I do feel no contact is the right way to go because most of you know that girl or whoever you broke up with almost 99% of the time won't be the one you end up with so by doing no contact you find someone else. It will allow the person to chance to figure out what he or she wants. I just saw this situation and felt it didn't deserve the typical same response we always hear on her.

You guys always give great responses and almost all the time right on the nose. I have a different mindset then most people and even though I know I can look at it objectively I can see that this girl doesn't want anything serious and probably won't for a long long time and if this guy was the one she wanted it with I think she would have been willing to work at it but as a guy he needs to realize if she isn't 100% with you and doesn't want to make it work, you don't need to be there waiting and begging for her to come back. She only wants part of you and it seems that girl wants nothing more from you than a booty call. You probably can't handle that because of all the feelings you have for her, but it will either show you this girl ain't for you because she can hook up with you and not bring feelings in. But like most people say you can't hook up with someone and not bring feelings in unless you could care less about that person.

That is why hooking up with her isn't the worst thing in the world, but make sure you aren't solely her 2 am booty call. A girl like that you need to be mystery and not let her see you as such a safe and predictable guy. Be busy..

ace1978 · Mar 8, 2007, 09:36 PM

Thanks for the advice. Nohitter, thanks but you are confusing me? I know all of you mean well and I'm not ting on your advice, I'm just not sure you guys understand. She's told me this stuff before, just to come back to me a couple weeks later. It's her nature to kind of say, "not so fast, you can't just tell me how you feel and I'll come running back!" However she has come back the previous times. My thinking knowing her is that maybe she thought about it and really does miss me, so she's calling me for sex? I don't know, I just know this girl. All of your advice is pretty good, but most of you seem to think she has no emotional connection left with me, I feel like that is just not the case. Thank you for all your responses, I'm open to any more you all may have for me. Thanks!

talaniman · Mar 9, 2007, 07:35 AM

My only concern is for you to get to a place of reasonable mental heath to make decisions based on facts and not emotions. The final decision is up to you. Life is about handling your feelings and being reasonably happy with the things you do. The whole purpose of this forum is to help and give advice for the best possible outcome not to make your decisions for you.