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help4323 · Sep 9, 2012, 08:30 AM

A 31 year old claims my husband is her father! This happened about 2 months ago. We asked to speak to the mum but she refuses to talk to us and also don't want to have anything to do with a paternity test.The "daughter" on the other hand calls and sms all the time and feels he should just admit without having the test done. We live in South Africa and according to the law who ever a woman claims to be the father is the father until proven otherwise!We offered to pay for the test but still no co-operation from the mum! What can we do

JudyKayTee · Sep 9, 2012, 08:35 AM

Originally Posted by help4323

A 31 year old claims my husband is her father! This happened about 2 months ago. We asked to speak to the mum but she refuses to talk to us and also don't want to have anything to do with a paternity test.The "daughter" on the other hand calls and sms all the time and feels he should just admit without having the test done. We live in South Africa and according to the law who ever a woman claims to be the father is the father until proven otherwise!We offered to pay for the test but still no co-operation from the mum! What can we do

Aren't these matters taken to Court and a Judge ORDERS the parties to submit to DNA testing?

help4323 · Sep 9, 2012, 08:42 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Aren't these matters taken to Court and a Judge ORDERS the parties to submit to DNA testing?

The child in question is 31 years old and the court apparently only assist if the child is 18 or younger. This is the first time that anybody contacted him re being her father but like I said the mum refused to talk to us and according to her the mum don't wants to be involved. This woman is pestering my kids on fb and feels she wants to be part of the fam

brachotelohai · Sep 11, 2012, 12:44 PM

I'm from South Africa originally, and have your family block her if she is harassing them. If she refusing to cooperate, by law, she has no rights and you don't have to include her in anything. If she will cooperate and have the paternity test done, then you can go from there.

JudyKayTee · Sep 11, 2012, 12:51 PM

Originally Posted by help4323

The child in question is 31 years old and the court apparently only assist if the child is 18 or younger. This is the first time that anybody contacted him re being her father but like I said the mum refused to talk to us and according to her the mum don't wants to be involved. This woman is pestering my kids on fb and feels she wants to be part of the fam

Report her to the Police for harassment.

brachotelohai · Sep 11, 2012, 12:56 PM

I agree with Judy, she's not a child anymore, she's a grown adult, so that would make what she's doing harassment.

ScottGem · Sep 11, 2012, 01:14 PM

Originally Posted by help4323

We live in South Africa and according to the law who ever a woman claims to be the father is the father until proven otherwise!

What law is this? Do you have a specific cite? While it may be true, that doesn't mean you she has the right to harass you if your husband doesn't want to acknowledge her.

Tell her to back off or submit to a test.

help4323 · Sep 11, 2012, 10:29 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

What law is this? Do you have a specific cite? While it may be true, that doesn't mean you she has the right to harass you if your husband doesn't want to acknowledge her.

Tell her to back off or submit to a test.

This the site where they explain re paternity test in SA. I'll try phoning the mum again today and hopefully I will be able to get this sorted out. My husband wants to get a restraining order against her but I want to give her a fair chance because she told me that she have 4 kids and 1 kids father also denies being the father and it hurts.

Paternity tests

According to South African law, the man who you say is the father of your child is regarded as such until a paternity test...

Www.inspiringwomen.co.za/articles/4..

ScottGem · Sep 12, 2012, 03:18 AM

That link didn't work, but I found this article on that site:
Paternity Test: The Alledged Father's Rights

Which states, that refusal to take a paternity test can give the father the right to not pay support.

The real point here is I think you may be misinterpreting the what you are reading. It may be true that that the mother can name the father, but that is rebuttable. Therefore, such a father can forestall any legal obligations until a test is performed.

help4323 · Sep 17, 2012, 04:44 AM

I thought me and my husband, then boyfriend was seeing each other exclusively! But that was not the case! On his part! We got married in August and his "love" child was suppose to be born in July and I didn't know about it! I threatened to divorce him if the paternity test prove that he is the father, he feels it happened before we got married!! What should I call it?A flippen mistake? I wrote before, see letter dated 13 August. Thanks once again for reading my letters!

smoothy · Sep 17, 2012, 04:47 AM

Sorry to tell you... but there is no right ot exclusivity until the ring is on the finger.

After the marriage you have the right to assume exclusivity... before then you are just dating each other.

Key thing here is did HE know about it before the wedding or not.

ScottGem · Sep 17, 2012, 08:42 AM

Cheating is when you are committed to someone but have a relationship (even just sexual) with someone else.

If you are sure he knew you were supposed to be exclusive, then he cheated. If you want to divorce him, you can. Most areas have no fault divorces so you don't need any real reason.

smoothy · Sep 17, 2012, 09:42 AM

The child was born in July, and she's already calling and texting? At 2 months old?

Cat1864 · Sep 17, 2012, 09:47 AM

help4323 (4 Posts) Asked Today, 07:44 AM
I thought me and my husband, then boyfriend was seeing each other exclusively! But that was not the case! On his part! We got married in August and his "love" child was suppose to be born in July and I didn't know about it! I threatened to divorce him if the paternity test prove that he is the father, he feels it happened before we got married!! What should I call it?A flippen mistake? I wrote before, see letter dated 13 August. Thanks once again for reading my letters!

I am guessing that you are talking about when you married 31 years ago (the age of the person claiming to be his child.)

How long had the two of you been dating before you were married? When did you decide to be exclusive?

I know you just found out about this and so the hurt is extremely new to you. I will caution you to not throw away 30+ years of good marriage. Has it been a good marriage?

This is a cautionary tale for those who think that indiscretions won't show even decades later. The feelings of betrayal and hurt are every bit as strong as if the partner found out when it happened.

Smoothy, the 'child' is 31 years old. A lot was left out this question.

ScottGem · Sep 17, 2012, 09:58 AM

I've merged these two threads, though this could be two different people. The second post does seem to be about a recent marriage.

Please clarify the situation here.

help4323 · Sep 17, 2012, 11:15 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I've merged these two threads, though this could be two different people. The second post does seem to be about a recent marriage.

Please clarify the situation here.

Sorry for the confusion! Yes we are married for 31 years and this is related to the first question! We were suppose to be exclusive as we have dated for 2 years! The last 1.5 years we started having a sexual relationship and he was my first and that's why I trusted him completely! This woman who claims to be his daughter is also 31 and as I have explained earlier I just recently found out about this! I still feel betrayed and hurt but he sees it that we were not married at the time. We were engaged for the last six months before marriage! Her mother refuses to submit to the test and this is causing the delay for the tests and he have now decided to do it without the mother. The mother still won't talk to us but according to the daughter her mom feels the test might come out negative because they suspect that the daughter might have cancer.

AK lawyer · Sep 17, 2012, 11:33 AM

Originally Posted by help4323

... We were suppose to be exclusive as we have dated for 2 years! ...

You mean "... were supposed to... ".

That would be your assumption, probably not his.

ScottGem · Sep 17, 2012, 02:48 PM

Ok this make a big difference. You have been married, I assume happily, for 31 years and you are going to get upset over something that happened before you were married? Unless you have any proof or reason to suspect that he has cheated during your marriage, then I would forget about what happened before you were legally wed.

As to the issue with paternity and this girl wanting to be a part of your family, we've answer that. You need to go to court to compel a test.