[papergromit]

So I have a girl friend of about one year and we were madly in love and felt like we were meant to be together but recently we had moved in together. Two months had passed and come to find out she's been depressed the whole time. I asked her what I could do for her and she replied that I need to start being there for her. Then after I start doing that she starts to hurt my feeling by not recipricating the same feelings back. Come to find out she says that she thought that's what she needed but it wasn't and now she wants her own space. So then I try to give her the space that she needs. While I'm doing that I try to do things for her that she would normally be doing like wash dishes go to her mothers house to mow the lawn for her thinking that these would be things that she would appreciate that I have done. But she doesn't even really care and its starting to hurt me more. So finally we decided that she needed a break. But still says she is in love with me and always will care about me. So now its been 3 days since I moved out and I'm wondering what I should do. Should I just give her space or support her from the sidelines and talk to her every now in then please help I really would like to make this relationship work but she is NOT making this easy on me at all.

[jnrico]

I'm sure your heart is saying that you need to do all of these things for her to make her see that you will do whatever it takes to make things work, but the thing is, people with depression do not process things normally. The first thing you need to ask is if she is clinically depressed or simply diagnosed herself as such. There is a huge difference and if she is truly depressed, as in been diagnosed by a physician, there is truly nothing you can do but advise her to seek treatment. This does not mean there is anything wrong with her, but depression typically doesn't get better on it's own. Until you can find the answer to these questions all you can do is worry about your own happiness. If she is unwilling to seek professional treatment, this will only drag you down and you have to think about your own health and happiness. You've gone far beyond what most people would do so you shouldn't feel guilty, you've done more than your share. Lay things out on the table and tell her what's on your mind. You love her and want to help her be happy, but you can't do all of the work. Love is compromise, it's her turn now. Hope this helps.