[mogrann]

I am struggling with saying the word no or saying what I think to people. What happens is I start to think about what I need to say and why I can't say it. Most of these thoughts are from what I learned as a child.
This is affecting me negatively as I am being taken advantage of but feel helpless to do anything. I get anxious and full of panic of confrontation or sticking up for myself.
I did learn these skills in DBT and know them but not sure if it is willfulness or what that is stopping me from improving. All of the other skills I have been able to use but this one.
I just don't know how to start. I know baby steps but how when my thoughts are so overpowering.
Some examples are : you will hurt the other person by saying that, fighting leads to violence, you don't deserve to speak up and so on.

[Wondergirl]

In order to say no, you don't have to go into an explanation or make excuses or apologize. Often just the word "no" is good enough.

[mogrann]

WG even that is anxiety provoking. I just wish I could let someone hear the thoughts and how many there are. Maybe then I could be shown. This one skill is proving to be so challenging and I am determined to get it. I am just not sure how yet. I am graduated DBT on the 11 and thinking of taking CBT for thoughts and learning how to tell judgements from facts. I will find out more on the 11th.
I still need to figure out how to stop the thoughts, the anxiety and the panic so I can say no. One good example is if a long time member posts something and I think it is wrong I so want to post but then the thoughts come. I have managed to overcome it a few times but to be honest it proved to be very overwhelming and I was full of fear I would be banned or asked to leave. No one has ever said that to me but it is a thought I do have.