[Otiose]

I'm 23 and I work full-time plus I'm going back to school while I take care of my parents who aren't capable on their own anymore. That's my situation and from there you can see the slight difficulty I have trying to be in a relationship.

This girl I've known since high school, but didn't really speak to until December of last year, is the girl I'm in love with. For someone who has come from a family that is totally set and can provide her the "perfect" life, she chose to leave that and make her own way. I on the other hand had life to deal with early on and it just never really let up. I seriously don't know how I've been hanging on for so long to keep my sanity, but I am.

When she and I began chatting it was through Facebook, then texting... she was in another country at that time but was coming back here to reside for good (that was the plan) and pave her own way. I was warning her of how different it will be and what kind of life to expect but she went on with it. We had such a strong connection that it became scary for me because I never felt that way for anyone in my short existence on this earth.

Knowing she came from her roots and I came from mine I was afraid that she would just leave me once she is done with me and I was afraid of getting hurt. I then was hanging out with my usual friends and got together with another girl because it was the "safe" route because she was much older than I and I thought it would work out. I was totally wrong there and we split after a few months. I did the girl I love and that really loved me too a really bad injustice. It was the worst mistake I've made and I've been sorry for it.

At least we're talking still and I can see/feel that we have a connection going on, but due to my mistake it's not the same. We've been seeing each other(no sex), talking a lot(even when I was with my ex she supported me) and just being good friends. She's not being supported by her family so she has to make money by working a lot herself. She sees other guys and we talk about them and vice versa. We're just great friends right now on an "I love you" basis and there is room to move up as our relationship is open to advancement. She's been the most considerate, understanding, patient, and beautiful girl I've ever known. Period.

The problem that exists is that we're both going through tumultuous times in our own personal lives right now that I'd prefer we don't complicate it. I have to worry about what happens if my parents pass away (situation is very complicated), their situation as they deteriorate, my school (I stopped when my mom got sick the first time), our family finances, etc... She herself has to worry about how to make money too and her job right now makes money but it's scary in terms of the situations she could be in.

The guys she likes always just see her as a fling and don't want anything more. What's funny is that between the both of us, we hold a regard/reservation for each other higher than anyone we get with. She learns and adapts like any smart person so she does what she has to in order to survive. We both don't want to be in a relationship right now.

I've said before that when the time is right(soon) we can be together and she agreed. I firmly believe in building a strong friendship before being in a relationship and even though times are tough, we're still sticking together. I know this girl loves me and she knows I love her, but this whole process is biggest test ever.

I just want to know what some of you that have been through this or something like it have to say. Thanks.

[Strangechild]

I think you guys are both doing the right thing where you are now. For now, you should just be there for each other like you already are, and not make any rash moves until the time is right for both of you.

I've been through a similar situation with my boyfriend before he and I got together 3 years ago. We have a pretty long history where we've known each other since we were children, and although both our families moved across the world from each other (literally. He lives in the U.S. and I live in Australia) when we were young, we found each other again through a social networking site when we were in our teens. We found each other just as I was going through depression, and he basically saved my life. We were friends for a while, and somehow during that time I realised I may love him more than a friend, or a brother as I used to refer to him. What I didn't realise until months later was that he was in love with me too, and that was only because his friend admitted it to me. We talked about it after, although we only theorised and spoke hypothetically about whether it was a possibility.

Our problem was the distance (obviously) which stopped us from taking the relationship to the next step. We both knew long distance relationships had a very low possibility of lasting and we didn't want to ruin the close friendship we'd built over the years. So I guess we both waited until we were ready, and we were positive that we were ready to move to the next step.

We've been together for over 3 years now since we took that step, and although it still hasn't been easy with the distance, we've made it work for us, and we've set plans into motion for us to be together permanently. I know most people are very skeptical about long distance relationships and to be honest we were both one of those people. But the most fundamental thing in a relationship is whether you love and care for each other, and from that comes strength to deal with the rest. We had that and we didn't leave the chance.

So basically what I have to say is this. It's okay that you're not together yet if you know the person cares and will always care about you. Because then you know that it will happen someday, and I hope in your case soon (because I know how torturous it can be to have to wait). Just be there for her and show her that you won't change. Show her that you're still there for her so you won't drift apart. And yeah it is a really big test. But in the end it will show how committed you are to her, and when you finally get to be together, it will be amazing. For now, let it be, but show her she is special.

Good luck!