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insecure101 · Sep 1, 2012, 09:47 AM

Hi!
So this is really embarrassing but I'm really jealous of my boyfriend's older sister. She's 26, we're 20. She's absolutely perfect (nice body, life of the room she's in, sweet, smart). Being her age, she finished a bachelor in communication and is now moving out with her long term boyfriend. They bought a condo together. I wish I had her life. She even has the perfect office job where she dresses professional and corporate but still looks amazing. I wish I was as old as her and that I can do what she's doing. Like have a career, move out with my boyfriend after buying a place, have all the things she has and be as confident and happy in my life as she is. It's like she always knows what she doing. I feel like a child compared to her since I'm still studying and won't finish for another 3 years. I don't understand where this jealousy is coming from because my boyfriend never compares me to her and always tells me how beautiful and smart and how proud he is of me. Still, I want to be her and it's come to the point where it's taking over my life. I'm constantly thinking about her and what she would do in every situation and how she would react. It went to the point where I left my boyfriend because I could'nt stand obssessing over her anymore and wanting to be her. I figured if I get away from him (and her), that would help. I can't be happy in my life anymore, I don't know what to do. I should specify that this jealousy has always been there but it reached a new level when I learned she's leaving the family house to live with her boyfriend. I admire her so much that I feel the need to impress her. I just want to finish my studies and move out so I can be like 'I'm just like you'. This is getting really unhealthy. Please help!

tickle · Sep 1, 2012, 10:57 AM

Yes, it is unhealthy and maybe you need to talk to a counsellor, or a professional about, what I call a near-obsession; it could get worse as time goes on because you seem to be really fixated on it. What I don't understand is though, you say you appear to have a good relationship with your b/f as you explain it; he praises you, etc.

Maybe you should spend less time around her so you can focus on yourself and your b/f. Do you spend a lot of time at their house? If so, Don't.

Concentrate what you do have now, your studies and getting ahead, your wonderful b/f and thinking about your future and just how great it is going to be!

insecure101 · Sep 1, 2012, 11:23 AM

You are right, I need to focus on what I have now and think about my future and how good it's going to be. The problem with that is I start thinking too much about the futur and I start hating the present. Everybody tells me to enjoy being 20 years old but I don't want too. I want to be older. Another thing I'm jealous of is the fact that she's been with her boyfriend for about 7 years and is still sure of her feelings for him (or so I guess since she's moving out with him) and I'm having trouble figure out my feelings for my boyfriend even though he's exactly what I've always wanted. It's like there's something missing, I don't know if what's missing is from him or from me. I'm jealous of her confidence in her relationship, which is really stupid.I do spend a lot of time at their house but since she's almost completely moved out, I barely see her now (and I got to admit, I'm disappointed I don't see her as much anymore). You are probably right, I nedd professional help to realize I am my own person and everyone's life is different but that does not mean they have it better. I mean, at one point, she was a student too and only saw he boyfriend when she had time and I'm sure she enjoyed being 20 way more than I am. Thank you for your advice!

tickle · Sep 1, 2012, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by insecure101

You are right, I need to focus on what I have now and think about my future and how good it's going to be. The problem with that is I start thinking too much about the futur and I start hating the present. Everybody tells me to enjoy being 20 years old but I don't want too. I want to be older. Another thing I'm jealous of is the fact that she's been with her boyfriend for about 7 years and is still sure of her feelings for him (or so I guess since she's moving out with him) and I'm having trouble figure out my feelings for my boyfriend even though he's exactly what I've always wanted. It's like there's something missing, I don't know if what's missing is from him or from me. I'm jealous of her confidence in her relationship, which is really stupid.I do spend alot of time at their house but since she's almost completely moved out, I barely see her now (and I gotta admit, I'm disappointed I don't see her as much anymore). You are probably right, I nedd professional help to realize I am my own person and everyone's life is different but that does not mean they have it better. I mean, at one point, she was a student too and only saw he boyfriend when she had time and I'm sure she enjoyed being 20 way more than I am. Thank you for your advice!

You sound so well put together and mature for twenty. I am surprised you are in this predicament, but you are so in between a teen and growing up. I think that is the problem. Your hormones are jumping all over the place at 20 as well. I know that, and I am sure that, once you turn 21 everything will come together for you. You will know what your direction will be, your purpose in life will be, and you will go on to think how silly this jealousy was. I wish you all fhe luck and happiness !

Fr_Chuck · Sep 1, 2012, 03:45 PM

There is a saying about walking a "mile" in someone else's shoes.

You know I did not see the word marriage in this, just moving in with boyfriend, she may be unhappy about it and you don't know, you just see from the outside. Read on here the 1000's of couples who move in and buy the perfect place and end up fighting over ownership latter.

Whose name is on the loan, on the deed ?

That perfect job, is still work, ask her about the bad parts of the job, about most likely having to worry about looking perfect, ask her the cost of keeping her hair, her nails done, ask her the cost of the clothes

Perfect is often not what it sounds. Next you know what I guess, she looks at you and say,
I wish I could still be her, no worries of the world, not having to be at work, the boss was in a bad mood today, I am having to do soeone else's work today. Just to be back in college, that was the fun days.

insecure101 · Sep 1, 2012, 08:03 PM

Thank you so much! Your comment really cheered me up. I do hope its just my hormones acting up. And I've been told since I was a preteen that my mind is a lot older than my age. Maybe that's why I want to grow up so fast. I'm caught in between being a child and being an adult.

insecure101 · Sep 1, 2012, 08:07 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

There is a saying about walking a "mile" in someone elses shoes.

You know I did not see the word marriage in this, just moving in with boyfriend, she may be unhappy about it and you don't know, you just see from the outside. Read on here the 1000's of couples who move in and buy the perfect place and end up fighting over ownership latter.

whose name is on the loan, on the deed ?

That perfect job, is still work, ask her about the bad parts of the job, about most likely having to worry about looking perfect, ask her the cost of keeping her hair, her nails done, ask her the cost of the clothes

perfect is often not what it sounds. Next you know what I guess, she looks at you and say,
I wish I could still be her, no worries of the world, not having to be at work, the boss was in a bad mood today, I am having to do soeone elses work today. Just to be back in college, that was the fun days.

You are right, apparently she doesn't like her job (which I can't figure out why). And no, they are not married and I don't think they intend on getting married. I absolutely want to get married, I believe in marriage. Apparently she makes more money than her boyfriend and her mom was against her moving out for that reason. I still can't help but wonder how awesome it must be owning a place, coming home, cooking dinner together, watching TV and relaxing after work, decorating a place together, being able to afford all the clothes she has and be confident in who I am and what I want in life.