[Heartbroken89]

Ive dated this girl and we have been madly in love for 3 years. In love to the point where we were eachothers best friends, soul mate, everything, to the point where we had uncontrollable urges to attack each other (romantically/sexually/playfully) at random. She is my world and I am hers.

We broke up 3 months ago due to me chatting with a girl she did not like and got back together after I changed my ways. Recently, 3 weeks ago, I was caught in a small incident (friends going to the lake with one girl she did not like) and denied it, it happened over a month ago, then felt bad and told her the truth after arguing later that day. She was torn that I lied to her face and broke up. I spent a good week to myself to understand what I did wrong, create her a huge sorry box filled with sentimental things to show Im sorry and she accepted the gift, we got a little romantic then I thought things were on there way.

Next day I get a text saying she can't trust me and basically ends it, again, through text messaging. After trying to stop her I finally agreed to only where she then became upset, saying she misses me and loves me and wants to be in my arms. I ignore because Im bothered from being toyed like a yo-yo, and decide to call her later that day after I calm down. She did not answer, and since then, 14 days ago, she has still not answered. I tried no contact though ran into her and tried to talk to her though her friends were pulling her back, I could tell she was hurt. As of now I know she's hurt still and Im scared that trying to do something might push her away, though continuing no contact might make her think I don't care, which definitely is not the case. Ive learned my lesson, believe me, I just don't know how to make her believe me...

[backpack2389]

What are the reasons that she was upset about you texting/spending time with these other girls? It's up to you to decide if you think her objections were reasonable or not (e.g. it would be reasonable for her to be upset about you spending time with an ex). If they weren't, I'm thinking perhaps she's jealous and insecure. Then again, if you loved her so much, why did you lie to her and why did you spend time with another girl knowing she would be upset about it? It seems like the only way that was going to work was if you lied and didn't get caught. That's not good decision-making on your part and a sign of a troubled relationship.

You don't want her being upset with you so you try to apologize and then, when she reaches out to you, you feel toyed with? I think you screwed up, twice, and need to just let things alone. It sounds like she's given up and is moving on and I think you should too.

[Heartbroken89]

I believe it was slight jealousy issues, not that we were doing anything wrong at all, I was mainly there for a buddy of mine who was going through a 5 year break up. I lied because I truly did not want to ruin our great streak of not fighting for months over something so minuscule, that when she even asked me if I had anything to tell her that event did not come to mind. I found out someone purposely told her what happen, a month later, and made it appear a lot worse than it is.

I do not feel that it is over, at all, as we love each other very much. She's been on vacation the past week and will be back soon, Im just wondering if I should continue to apologize and show her I care or would that push her away. Ive showed her Im sorry with the gift, but I feel like I need to do something more which I am willing to do, just not sure if I should.

[backpack2389]

I understand why you lied, but still think it was a poor decision. Lying only makes it look like you're ashamed of what you're doing and as though you have something to hide. She should trust you and understand when you're trying to be supportive of a friend during a rough time in his life. And you should return that trust, having faith that she would see the good things you're trying to do. Yet, you should have been honest, because instead of having a minor fight at the time, you are now broken up.

If you've made it clear that you still have feelings for her and believe she's aware of that, then there isn't more you can say. She has the information she needs to make a decision. Try giving her space. If she wants back in the relationship, she'll attempt to make it happen.

[Heartbroken89]

Yes Ive made it pretty clear with the sentimental gifts... I drew her a portrait of herself (Im a pretty good artist) that she always wanted, with a short poem on the back, filled the box of her favorite chocolates and snacks each labeled with a "Im Sorry" sticker and other sentimental things. At this point her friends, who have been cheated on, are getting to her and might be influencing her in a negative way, as Ive had to deal with them a couple times during this incident.

I just know beyond all the fights, beyond all the chaos, were absolutely crazy about each other and have overcome many obstacles. Ive been dealing with a lot of personal issues (family cancer, not being able to pay college tuition, etc.) which is another reason I wanted to originally avoid the fight, though I completely get what your saying about always remaining honest and true, which I now know.

The only reason I feel inclined to do something more is because I would literally give this girl the world or die trying, and I just don't want her thinking I didn't "try hard enough". Though I guess Ill take our advice and if its meant to be, it'll be.

[talaniman]

How old are you both?

[Heartbroken89]

I am 23, she is 21.

I know this is cliché to say, but I truly never had a connection with someone like this before nor have I ever witnessed one from the thousands of people I've met and known in my 23 years of living. The first day I met her is always vividly playing in the back of my mind as it happened yesterday, which she also shared. Whether around others or alone, even after 3 years of fighting, arguing, not agreeing on many things and all that we works through we still can't help but be absolutely crazy about each other.

All my friends and people who know us can't understand how strong our attraction to each other is, it wasn't until I was once talking with a buddy of mine of how he doesn't really "make out" with his girl anymore an rather just has pecks after 2 years which I thought was abnormal while a clear image of me and my girl from the day before was playing in my head as we passionately and crazily kiss and attack (in a good way) each other like we just met.

As I said, this might sound cliché, though I've never witnessed through anyone's as let alone my own another relationship which such high levels of attraction, both physically and mentally, which is why I had to vent somehow.

[talaniman]

All that passion and physical stuff is great, but the reality of life is that if you cannot talk honestly, you won't last. And all that emotional stuff is not a path forward, nor will it define a path for you both.

Remembering what you had as teens, doesn't address what you will do as adults, not breaking the trust of the relationship with lies and actions. You are no longer teens so stop acting like it. That does mean letting go and making better decisions how you get your own act together, as you put things into perspective and stop making her a priority.

If she misses you enough, she will let you know. If not, you have much building to do regardless what she does. Willing to bet she is doing the No Contact thing, so leave her alone and give her the space to make a decision without your influence.

I think you benefit more by standing strong on your own, than you do chasing her out of fear of losing her. She dumped you, so accept that.

She has friends to help her through this, I hope YOU do too.

[Heartbroken89]

Thanks, the funny thing is that this breakup did make me fix some priorities and gave me a drive to focus on things that have been lacking, such as finally starting a company and finishing a couple of projects I've been wanting to finish, to setting goals scholarly.

I'll take that advice and will continue to stand strong on my own and grow and see what happens. I guess if she truly loves me, truly misses me and wants me most importantly then she will let me know. Thanks all.

[nicolerenier1]

Maybe it is time for you to move on. It will hurt and you can always care about her, but getting back together might make things even worse since she can't trust you. Time is everything give it time and your love might rekindle but in the end you can't be mad at anyone but yourself. Giving her things won't make things any better, you hurt her and she needs her time too. If you see her with out her friends it might be a lot easier to talk to her since girls and their friends are very close her friends are most likely just trying to help her stay away from more hurt and sadness. Stay away from other girls though unless you want to be done forever. Because as soon as she sees you are hanging with other girls she will be so far past done their will be no going back. She will be pissed and torn down.
I hope this helps.

[joypulv]

I can't tell if you flirt a lot with other girls and she is justified in being jealous, or if she is the kind of person who simply feels that she can order you around about who you can or can't spend time with. It seems like an important question to me.

[Heartbroken89]

That does help, I have no plans on going after another girl as I do believe there is hope and that our fire isn't completely out, just extremely small at the moment. I actually removed myself from all social networks to prevent anything like that from happening. I'm just going to wait it out and see what happens, and in the mean time work on myself.

[talaniman]

From a PM
I guess what Im wondering is, I am standing strong as you suggested and have truly, and purely, seen changes in myself for the positive. Ive also made many promises to myself, though I am wondering would it be advisable to write her a letter within a week from today or do you think I should continue myself improvement and wait for something to happen? Thanks a lot!

Continue on the healing path, and rebuild as you wait for lifes next challenge. Be ready for whatever life throws at you.

Notice I made no mention of her?

[ArmstrongMiller]

Hi,bro. Honesty is the most important thing in love. And here is a saying, trust takes years to build, seconds to break, forever to repair.
Good luck, bro.

[Heartbroken89]

Hi,bro. Honesty is the most important thing in love. and here is a saying, trust takes years to build, seconds to break, forever to repair.
Good luck, bro.

And I'm willing to actually spend forever repairing it for this girl, because she's more than just "that girl" and isn't just another serious relationship gone to crap. More of a "when you know, you know" type thing. Thanks all!