Check out some similar questions!

preeti gilotra · Aug 22, 2012, 03:08 PM

Hey guys,

I'll try to say this as short as I can. I'm 23 and she's 21, and we've been going out for about 1.5 years now. Everything was great for the first 10 months and I couldn't have been any happier. Then, about 6 months ago she told me about her past .which has nothing wrong no sex nothing unusual she just said yes to a boy's proposal and said no immediately after that to him.she explained everything to me the day after that day.. and after that she is not in talking terms with that boy or to anyone related to that boy

I thought my stupid brain was content with that but for some reason we started going into detail. Progressively it got worse, and I couldn't understand why I kept asking so many questions. I asked the same question about 2-3 times about details that I know I shouldn't have asked.

I'm at the point now where I can't turn it off. Whenever I see her, lie down beside her, talk to her I can't stop picturing about that boy and her. Some precise words even trigger thoughts about things that I do not want to think about. I lie down at night and sometimes all I think about is her and that guy.. I say to myself "Why did she do it with him?" or "He used to do this with her...". Whether I'm eating, driving, working, studying, the thoughts won't go away. I want it to go away, I want to love her unconditionally because her past is her past, and it has nothing to do with her now. I love her and she is honestly the best thing that has happened to me, but I just can't get these thoughts about her and other people away. I am the first and last love of her life.she loves me like anything.she can do anything for me. But what I do know is that I can't stop thinking about her past whenever I'm with her and causes me to be irritable and not the great boyfriend that I used to be. It's killing my relationship, and me as a person.

I want to stop it, I want to stop these thoughts, and I don't know if it will go away because it's been so long.

Her past is all I think about with her and when I'm not with her. I feel confused, angry, lost, stressed, and so tired thinking about this bullsh**. Its consuming me and its destroying our relationship slowly. It isn't the same, I'm not the same, and we're not happy. I thought I was smart enough, strong enough, mature enough to cope with it but I've tried everything but its just a lot stronger than I am. I don't know if it'll go away, and I'm scared and I'm hurting so bad because I love her. So I'm here, asking for help, because honestly... I would get help but it costs like 50/hr and I'm just a university kid that needs advice..

Please no comments saying that I should leave her, or for me to just forget about her past and move on, because I already know that. I need positive criticism, and positive advice for previous experiences.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 22, 2012, 04:20 PM

Grow up, did you ever have a girl friend ? What if she felt that way about you ?

IF it is a real issue, get counseling. Her past needs to stay there.

ITstudent2006 · Aug 22, 2012, 05:00 PM

Been there man! It's not a road you want to be on. Believe me. Take Chucks advice because if you stay on it too long, you're relationship will go south.

You'll begin getting insecure at currents situations that include other guys and even ore insecure about yourself and your relationship. Not worth the hassle.

The past is the past for a reason. It obviously wasn't making her happy. You are. Keep it that way!

backpack2389 · Aug 22, 2012, 08:15 PM

Don't you have past girlfriends? How much do they mean to you now? Given how devoted you seem to your current girlfriend, I would imagine that you don't give them much if any thought. My guess is that it's the same for her and her previous boyfriend. She's not with him anymore because she didn't love him and their relationship wasn't working. She's with you because you have whatever that guy was missing that made her leave him.

I assume you worry about her previous relationship because you fear in some way that it is taking away from your current relationship. But the truth of the matter is that you are the one that will ruin it if you keep on this path. You love her and she has chosen and loves you. Who cares what happened before as long as you are happy together now.

bigzizou · Aug 23, 2012, 03:28 PM

From whom should I get counselling?

hed2hed · Aug 23, 2012, 04:22 PM

Im going through a similar situation getting over my girlfriend and my 4 month break up. We were together 4 years and I ended it. In the short amount of time we were not together we both explored and had rebounds. Now that we are back together it was killing me to imagine what she was doing and with who. But you know what. I finally decided to become head strong and forgive and try to forget about the time apart since for 1. we were not a couple at the time and it being my fault we broke up it doesn't matter what she was doing while we were broken up! All that matters is that she came back and we are falling head over hills in love with each other and its been great!! Trust me man get over it!! Its all part of life and what you don't let kill you will only make you stronger.

talaniman · Aug 23, 2012, 06:00 PM

This is your own inability to exercise self control and cope with your own feelings that has you so distressed my friend, and a part of love and sharing and caring is to be grateful for what you have and be good to it. Whatever your fears, its you that must keep it from leading to bad behavior toward the object of your affection.

Start with thinking before you speak, or act, no matter the feelings, and having a specific ACTION for whenever you have those thoughts that disturb you. For example when alone or driving, break out in a song to change your focus. When with her look away and count the stitches in your shirt.

These are but a few ways to change the focus, and change the thoughts. Got an older friend to confide in? That would help a lot to vent those feelings, fears and frustrations because to continue asking her questions about her past will tax her patience, so why do that?

Maybe someday you will find the reason for your feelings but for now,deal with them in positive mature ways. Now go apologyze for being an insecure BOOB, and ask for forgiveness and promise to make a complete change. Mean what you say, and do what you say!!

It's a simple as stop acting like a boy, and man up and learn that cool, calm, collected and in control of yourself is the best way to go in all things.

ITstudent2006 · Aug 23, 2012, 07:53 PM

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.

Very well said Tal. Where were you when I was going through this same thing? :)

It's not fun. It becomes so out of control, you're constantly thinking about it, worrying about it, getting sick over it. It starts to affect your work, your friends, your fun, and eventually your relationship. Pity stuff that I dwelled on for so long and never let go, that it aventually turned into something I no longer had control of. It controlled me. My actions, behavior, words, thoughts, were controlled by something so minuscule and pointless in the overall scheme of our relationship.

You're in a good spot because you've admitted you have an issue before the issue got too serious. Now, make some changes and give this woman the respect she deserves.