[alexisloo]

I am 28 this year while my beau is 20years my senior. He is happily married for over 20years and has 3 grown sons. He has never string me along or led me up the garden path by promising me marriage&babies. In fact, I personally don't EVER wish to have kids and I get claustrophobic if he stays (or anyone else for that matter) with me for over a week.
He spends a lot of time with me by bringing me along to every places/countries on a weekly basis. (he travels intensively for work) He actually lives like a single man. He has met my family and they simply adore him despite knowing full well that he is married. Mind u, I am asian and my family is extremely conservative and traditional but yet,they like him and my family observed that he brings out the best in me.
I am in a huge dilemma right now. I have very goods reason to stay as well as valid reasons for leaving. He is MARRIED. But then again, I don't want him to marry me. I don't need him to. The thought of me marrying him should he divorce makes me break out in a cold sweat. But, I can't help having this 'sinking' feeling about him. It makes me kind of sad to know that I will always be 'the other woman' & I won't be able to meet his parents or people who matter to him. Please advice. Thanks

[JudyKayTee]

I am 28 this year while my beau is 20years my senior. He is happily married for over 20years and has 3 grown sons. He has never string me along or led me up the garden path by promising me marriage&babies. In fact, I personally dont EVER wish to have kids and I get claustrophobic if he stays (or anyone else for that matter) with me for over a week.
He spends a lot of time with me by bringing me along to every places/countries on a weekly basis. (he travels intensively for work) He actually lives like a single man. He has met my family and they simply adore him despite knowing full well that he is married. Mind u, I am asian and my family is extremely conservative and traditional but yet,they like him and my family observed that he brings out the best in me.
I am in a huge dilemma right now. I have very goods reason to stay as well as valid reasons for leaving. He is MARRIED. But then again, I dont want him to marry me. I dont need him to. The thought of me marrying him should he divorce makes me break out in a cold sweat. But, I can't help having this 'sinking' feeling about him. It makes me kinda sad to know that i will always be 'the other woman' & i wont be able to meet his parents or people who matter to him. Pls advice. Thanks

He's married. You and your family are all right with him betraying his wife's trust with you. I can't imagine how traditional and conservative your family truly is if they have no problem with your relationship with him.

I also don't think he's, as you put it, "happily married."

I don't how you are making the jump from him being married to being divorced to marrying you. Why should he marry you? For that matter, why should he get divorced?

You can either resign yourself to being the other woman OR leave the relationship and seeing what other options there are. Of course the longer you stay the less likely you are to leave - those are the statistics.

[C0bra_M3nace]

What makes you think he's ever going to divorce? He's got is cake and he's eating it too. You're just his mistress and always will be. When are you going to stand up for yourself and stop being played for a fool?

[alexisloo]

It is bloody hard to leave when he is giving me a lavish lifestyle (the cars,my current luxurious penthouse,designer blings&gear, major $$$ every week)
I am more terrified of giving up my current lifestyle than giving him up. A man THAT generous is impossible to find these days. I gave up my modelling job when I first started going out with him because he is possesive; and now I am completely dependent on him-which isn't a terrible thing. I am far more financially secured now than ever.
Can any person be happy in my situation in the long run? Surely no one can truly have it all? (what are the chances of me meeting a man who is successful, caring, generous AND single? )

[Fr_Chuck]

Besides being a booty call, what are YOU getting out of this.

[C0bra_M3nace]

It is bloody hard to leave when he is giving me a lavish lifestyle (the cars,my current luxurious penthouse,designer blings&gear, major $$$ every week)
I am more terrified of giving up my current lifestyle than giving him up. A man THAT generous is impossible to find these days. I gave up my modelling job when I first started going out with him because he is possesive; and now I am completely dependent on him-which isnt a terrible thing. I am far more financialy secured now than ever.
Can any person be happy in my situation in the long run? Surely no one can truly have it all? (what are the chances of me meeting a man who is successful, caring, generous AND single?!)

Wow. Then he's winning. See how you're so obliged to stay with him? That means he's got you. You can stick around all you want, but all you are is a booty call, he doesn't love you, he's just buying you and using you.

[bigNavySeal]

Besides being a booty call, what are YOU getting out of this.

What she's getting out of this, is a seriously lavish life-style, and probably good sex too, for how long it lasts. And I can understand it is temporarily attractive, for both involved.

The thing that shocks me from reading such situations is that people can live these secret indulgent lives (particular on the mans part in this case), without considering the long-term potential damaging consequences. He must have some form of guilt stashed away SOMEWHERE? I guess the saying "short-term gain for long-term pain" is in place here.

As for you, Alexis, I can understand your dilemma, and it is easy to turn a blind eye to the morally unjust forces at play here, due to humans greedy needs of desire, but I think at some point this will get out of hand, and it's better to get out sooner than later.

To answer your question "Can any person be happy in my situation in the long run?". The answer is a resounding "NO". It is going to backfire. Most likely more for him than you at some point, and if he's kicked to the curb (which he is risking of happening), then you might have to carry his emotional dilemma's with it too, and I expect that to be quite a burden for you, as you already get claustrophobic when you stay together for more than a week. How long have you two secretly been staying together anyway?

[JudyKayTee]

It is bloody hard to leave when he is giving me a lavish lifestyle (the cars,my current luxurious penthouse,designer blings&gear, major $$$ every week)
I am more terrified of giving up my current lifestyle than giving him up. A man THAT generous is impossible to find these days. I gave up my modelling job when I first started going out with him because he is possesive; and now I am completely dependent on him-which isnt a terrible thing. I am far more financialy secured now than ever.
Can any person be happy in my situation in the long run? Surely no one can truly have it all? (what are the chances of me meeting a man who is successful, caring, generous AND single?!)

And none of it is yours - he finds someone else, he gets sick, he dies - you have exactly what you had when he walked in and you're x years older.

You're selling yourself with the full knowledge and consent of your conservative and traditional family - your description.

It appears to work for you. I can't decide why you're on AMHD. To discuss, to put the words in writing so you can see them, something else?

It certainly isn't for the advice.

[NeedKarma]

It is bloody hard to leave when he is giving me a lavish lifestyle (the cars,my current luxurious penthouse,designer blings&gear, major $$$ every week)

I hate to say it but you are a call girl.

[JudyKayTee]

I hate to say it but you are a call girl.

I'd say escort - but, yes.