[becca2carter]

My boyfriend and I have been going out for nearly 5 months, and we haven't had sex. We're taking it slow, I know, and it's cute. It's pretty much my decision, being a virgin and everything. He says he doesn't want to hurt me either, because I'm pretty petite. But I'm just scared that, what if he doesn't find me sexy or anything. There's times when we've almost had sex, but it was like, he wasn't really using me for his pleasure, but wanted mine. I'm kind of scared that he's not into me sexually and worried. I know he loves me, he loves me very much. But what if he just doesn't find me attractive, and what if another girl comes into the picture, one who's tall, big boobs, and all that other stuff I don't have! D: I love him so much, and I want to prove it to him! HEEEELP!

[Cat1864]

May I ask how old you are? Insecurity can be age based as well as experienced based.

You have been dating for five months. You are just beginning to learn who each other is. If you are this insecure about how quickly his feelings could change, then you aren't as secure in yourself and the relationship as you want to believe you are.

What you need is confidence in yourself. It doesn't matter how sexy or attractive he thinks are. How you feel about yourself is what matters. His thoughts and feelings should enhance how you feel about yourself. How do you see yourself?

Do not even think about using sex to keep him whether it is promising him more or giving him more. Be yourself. If you aren't ready, then wait. Do not allow him to manipulate you into having sex. If he does care about you, he will wait until you are ready. If he says anything about 'his needs' and looking elsewhere to get them met, then he would be trying to guilt trip you into bed. Guilt is not a good reason for sex and any possible outcomes. If he starts being manipulative, then let him go.

If you have come close to having sex, are you on any form of birth control? Have you discussed birth control with him?

If he wants someone who looks different than you do, then he would be with her. Understand that you will both look at and find other people attractive. Attraction is what sells everything from bras to movies. It doesn't mean anything other than you are human. It also doesn't mean that you want to trade your boyfriend (or he wants to trade you) for someone else. No matter how attractive the other person is they aren't the unique mix of mind, body, and emotions that make up the person you are with. Really, are you with your boyfriend only for his looks? Isn't there more to him than that?

You don't 'prove' love. You feel it. You give/show it. You share it. You accept it. If it has to be 'proved' to the other person then your gift of loving them wasn't accepted. Do not ask them to 'prove' their love to you.