[unsure1020]

Im not really sure if I'm a virgin or not. Im 25 and have had three sexual encounters. Two of which were with the same guy. I have had trouble having vaginal sex, it has been quite painful when I have tried it and I'm not sure if I really have even been penetrated. Personally, I don't think I'm a virgin but what do I tell future partners. I am really feeling ashamed about my sexual history. I'm worried that I may not ever have another sexual partner and if I do find one will he dump me because he will think I'm inexperienced?

>Merged Threads<

[smoothy]

Why do you need to say anything? Most people are going to say no you aren't once you have been to bed with a guy... peiod.. don't need to have done more.

With that part said... over the great difficulty, have you talked with your gynecologist about this... its possible you have an abnormally thick hymen which might have to be cut and would best be done by them.

And trust me... anyone that dumps you over the experience issue.. is someone you don't want to be with anyway.

Experience does not equate to knowledge... just because someone has slept with a lot of people does not make them great partners.

That comes from within... your ability and willingness to learn depends on being able to listen and take verbal and non-verbal cues and being yourself.

And something I've said in another thread... and it applies here even more.

Some partners are great, others make you feel like you've just committed necrophyllia.

Experience doesn't make you good and lack of it doesn't make you bad. The comment above is from my own personal experiences... the absolute WORST lover I've ever been with was 30 at the time, divorced and 10 years my senior ( the necrophyllia one who just laid there so quiet and limp I had to see if she was still breathing). And the best lover was one who was a virgin when I met her. All the others have fallen within those two extremes.

Never sell yourself short... be who you are, be confident in yourself... and everything else will fall into place. And if he doesn't appreciate that... he doesn't deserve you.

[unsure1020]

Thank you so much for your answer, it was very helpful. And I am relieved that I am to not thought of as a virgin.

I don't see me gaining anymore sexual experience anytime soon. What if I am still this inexperienced when I hit age 40? Will guys break up with because of the inexperience?


>Merged Threads<

[joypulv]

I can't believe you are asking this. No one should ever have to worry about how much sexual experience he or she has. The love of my life was extremely inexperienced when we met, and I'm female and he's male.
I have a question for YOU - why do you feel this way? Sex is only a tiny part of relationships, and life, and how someone feels about you. Think of someone you like very much, even a family member, male or female, young or old, whom you will never have sex with, but whom you admire and enjoy and respect. That is what it's all about, not sex.
If you have a friend or two who are all about their sexploits, just ignore it. Make some new friends.
And tell us how you think this all may have started...

[talaniman]

Seems you have chosen partners to get rid of your virginity rather than ones you wanted to share time with on a spiritual, mental, or emotional level. Once you find such a person, then you won't have sex as the issue you have made it so far in your life.

Like Joypulv has asked, why have you made sexual experience such a big deal?

[unsure1020]

In our society, it seems that people are made fun of and criticised for being older virgins as well as people who don't have much experience. For example movies like "The Forty Year Old Virgin." And yes it is true I have chosen partners to get rid of my virginity. I have been on a lot of dates but have never found anyone that I really feel a connection with. That's why I'm skeptical that I will even find someone. So even if I don't find someone I don't want to be made fun of or ashamed of my inexperience.

[JudyKayTee]

How does anyone know - or not know - the status of your virginity? This isn't something I recall discussing with anyone.

Maybe it's an issue if you make it one. Otherwise, a non issue.