[Shakeila23]

She will be starting first grade in September, and sadly she still has peeing accidents and pooping accidents during the day while at her kindergarten classes, dance classes, when she is with us on weekends, all the time! I have a 4 year old little boy who is COMLETLY potty trained, and I do not want to compare children, But the girls mom has the attitude of she will learn when she is ready, yet I feel so upset when I hear other kids making fun of her (Smelling) She has already been a victim of bullying (A child told her to eat pine needles or she wouldn't be friends with her, I know cause I had to clean up the mess it resulted in the day after witch was a saturday) The girls mom has SEVERE MS, has told us the dr says it's a small bladder and has a whatever attitude when it comes to her daughter. What really upsets me is the girl has the accidents, but does not say anything and will go around until you either smell or ask her to use the bathroom (I remind her every hour to use the bathroom, she gets mad at me but I keep telling her if she has a accident and does not say then she could get boo boos, she already had several UTI infections and Severe rashes down their)
She had to go to summer school cause she failed Kindergarten, and her mom does not seem to be worried about anything.. I am worried. Can someone please help me in helping the little one stop the accidents? When I mention their might be another reason for the accidents I am shot down...

[JudyKayTee]

She will be starting first grade in September, and sadly she still has peeing accidents and pooping accidents during the day while at her kindergarten classes, dance classes, when she is with us on weekends, all the time! I have a 4 year old little boy who is COMLETLY potty trained, and I do not want to compare children, But the girls mom has the attitude of she will learn when she is ready, yet I feel so upset when I hear other kids making fun of her (Smelling) She has already been a victim of bullying (A child told her to eat pine needles or she wouldn't be friends with her, I know cause I had to clean up the mess it resulted in the day after witch was a saturday) The girls mom has SEVERE MS, has told us the dr says its a small bladder and has a whatever attitude when it comes to her daughter. What really upsets me is the girl has the accidents, but does not say anything and will go around until you either smell or ask her to use the bathroom (I remind her every hour to use the bathroom, she gets mad at me but I keep telling her if she has a accident and does not say then she could get boo boos, she already had several UTI infections and Severe rashes down their)
She had to go to summer school cause she failed Kindergarten, and her mom does not seem to be worried about anything.. I am worried. Can someone please help me in helping the little one stop the accidents? When I mention their might be another reason for the accidents I am shot down...

Her father needs to insist that she have a physical examination. I'd rule out physical problems first.

Has he made the school aware of the problem?

She seems to have problems interacting with her peers if she had to repeat kindergarten. Has anyone looked into that?

[Shakeila23]

The Daughters mom has full custody, he's allowed to see her on weekends and holidays, BUT the truth is she tries getting him to take her all the time, a week without school? She calls him and tells him to keep her. The daughter is at that age she knows daddy is more strict, But I do a lot more with her than her mom does, so when she's over and gets into trouble she demands to go home and screams and cries. Whenever her dad tries stepping in the mom gets defensive and tells him lies about the school not being able to talk to him, since he's not on the paperwork..? Same with the Dr.. And she does not work, as my hubby works from 7 AM to 6 Pm Monday through Friday. And I am unable to help, I have tried and tried again. Whenever we mention something, the mom has excuses. DCS has been involved several times, including once they where considering taking the daughter from the mom... My hubby does not want that though, since the girl has such a HUGE attachment to her mom (I understand, she was always with her mom from birth till age 5, no friends except younger cousins and my son) I just do not want the girl thinking something is wrong with her, especially when the bullying has already started, I want to help her before its too late.

[J_9]

I'm concerned about her as well. What are her social interactions like? Does she look you in the eye when she talks to you?

Yes, she needs to see her doctor to rule out any medical conditions. Is there a history of any abuse whether it be physical or neglectful?

For those of you who don't know... "boo boo" is a bowel movement.

[JudyKayTee]

You didn't ask for legal advice but here it comes - if the mother has no interest (or little interest) in this child's wellbeing your husband needs to go back to Court and get custody or visitation changed. My feeling is that things are only going to get worse. I think somebody has to step in and change things or this child is going to have a very unhappy future.

I realize the child is very attached to her mother and will carry on in order to get her way, but this should be more about long-term goals.

You are kind of in the middle because you have no legal standing. I do applaud you as an interested, concerned stepmother.

Obviously something is wrong here. I still think a Physician is step #1 in finding out what that is.

[Shakeila23]

She has a hard time looking you in the eyes as you try talking to her, she gets antsy and figity before you have the first sentence out, she tries grabbing things and turning away from you when you are speaking, I can't get her to sit still for more than 5 minutes without her saying she's bored, I ask her to draw a picture with my sons and she thinks it a race, she never finnishes a picture, she has a severe "Sharing" issue and "Hitting" issue, She plays with my sons toys and I have tons of toys for her too and she tells my son that her toys are "Girl" Toys and he can't play with them, So I told her she can't play with my sons toys because they are "Boy" toys... and the tantrums come with hitting and attitude and her trying to tell me what to do.. and the "Hitting" issue when I asked her why she hits she said she doesn't know.. my son has a cut on his head from her hitting him with a truck when they where playing in the parlor and I was watching. Whenever she does not get her way she even tries hitting me or breaking something on purpose or even tries being sneaky and do it again.. and again.. when that fails she starts SCREAMING non stop "I want my Mommy!" when I give her a time out. When we ask her to do something we need to repeat ourselves numerous times before she does it. ANd the Neglect part.. she is never dresed weather appropriately when she is sent to us (I thankfully have a wardrobe of clothes just for her) She is always coughing (The mother says its when she does not get enough sleep she gets sick..? ) She eats whatever she wants at her moms, even told us for every night she spends with us her grandpa gets her a donut! She is also 85 pounds last I checked, and she already has had 5 cavaties. And then the manners.. my two sons (4 and 2) understand table manners... she has none sadly and I keep trying to teach her but every weekend we get her its like starting over from square one... I am desperate for help... she also has bruises (SOMETIMES) on her legs, butt and arms that she doesn't know where they came from and neither does her mom.. or the excuse of she fell

[J_9]

She has a hard time looking you in the eyes as you try talking to her, she gets antsy and figity before you have the first sentence out, she tries grabbing things and turning away from you when you are speaking, I can't get her to sit still for more than 5 minutes without her saying shes bored, I ask her to draw a picture with my sons and she thinks it a race, she never finnishes a picture, she has a severe "Sharing" issue and "Hitting" issue, She plays with my sons toys and I have tons of toys for her too and she tells my son that her toys are "Girl" Toys and he can't play with them, So I told her she can't play with my sons toys because they are "Boy" toys... and the tantrums come with hitting and attitude and her trying to tell me what to do.. and the "Hitting" issue when I asked her why she hits she said she doesn't know.. my son has a cut on his head from her hitting him with a truck when they where playing in the parlor and I was watching. Whenever she does not get her way she even tries hitting me or breaking something on purpose or even tries being sneaky and do it again.. and again..when that fails she starts SCREAMING non stop "I want my Mommy!" when I give her a time out. When we ask her to do something we need to repeat ourselves numerous times before she does it. ANd the Neglect part.. she is never dresed weather appropriately when she is sent to us (I thankfully have a wardrobe of clothes just for her) She is always coughing (The mother says its when she does not get enough sleep she gets sick....???) She eats whatever she wants at her moms, even told us for every night she spends with us her grandpa gets her a donut!! she is also 85 pounds last I checked, and she already has had 5 cavaties. and then the manners.. my two sons (4 and 2) understand table manners... she has none sadly and I keep trying to teach her but every weekend we get her its like starting over from square one... I am desperate for help.... she also has bruises (SOMETIMES) on her legs, butt and arms that she doesn't know where they came from and neither does her mom.. or the excuse of she fell

When she has those bruises do you take her to the doctor or contacted CPS? Have you considered counseling for her?

This sounds like one very angry young woman you have on your hands. In my opinion your husband should go back to court, with evidence (pictures of the bruises, etc.) to try to get custody.

In my 48 years of life as a nurse, with 4 children and multiple family members who are teachers and family members who work with the court system, I have never known a 6 year old to soil themselves unless there was a physical illness causing this.

This child needs help and intervention NOW!

[Shakeila23]

We want to pursue custody change when we get married, my fiancé I call my hubby cause we been together for 5 years now. The daughters grandfather lives with them and has several mood disorder meds he is on and spent a year an a half in the mental ward in 2009 and is known to go of his meds. As a mother I understand it would be hard to have a child taken away, but if you have a medical condition that prevents you from walking (we where just told she falls ALOT) and you have a 6 year old and your father is mentaly unable to help at times, what would be the best thi ng for the child? She is also not road smart, she ran in the road several times while with me and once last month on the phone the mom was like I got to go, your daughter is in the road to my Fiancé, and it's a BUSY road!! And the daughter still sleeps with the mom, the house is a mess most days due to her grandfathers HOARDING... they have 6+ cats and when DCS was their a couple years back they found encrusted cat poop in the parlor where the daughter mainly plays... she was told no more than 4 cats... and she just keeps taking strays in who have kittens.

[J_9]

You can't call him your husband if he's not. Plain and simple.

You need to change custody now before this gets even worse. I don't understand why you are waiting, there is no reason to wait.

[Shakeila23]

That is why I am asking for help, until we get married and have the money to get a lawyer how can I handle the situations presented to me? DCS will not let me be involved in the case, and no one else will let me be involved due to I am not a parent, family member or related. And My hubby at the moment cannot take time out of work due to a operation he needs to pay off that he had on his neck =(

[Shakeila23]

We have money issues. Plain and simple. BUT I am asking for HELP on how to HELP my stepdaughter UNTIL we can aford a lawyer and get reversed custody.

[J_9]

Then get married tomorrow. Go to the Justice of the Peace. But then, you still will not be able to be involved because you are the step-mother.

Your fiancé needs to contact CPS again! He needs to light a fire under their behinds. Take pictures, get documentation... etc.

Finally, I am going to move this to the Family Law section where you will get some well needed legal advice on how to handle this.

[Shakeila23]

Ok, Thank you very much. I just want the best for the girl, she is only a innocent child that needs a better place to be, nothing against her mom, but when a medical condition interferes with the caring and well being of the child I will hold my ground especially when the little girl is someone I love as much as my own kids. I was told if I become married to him the courts will look in favor of me being a responsible care person while the dad is at work, since I have no records of anything, drug, abuse, neglect... nothing.

[J_9]

Ok, Thankyou very much. I just want the best for the girl, she is only a innocent child that needs a better place to be, nothing against her mom, but when a medical condition interferes with the caring and well being of the child I wil hold my ground especialy when the little girl is someone I love as much as my own kids. I was told if I become married to him the courts will look in favor of me being a responsible care person while the dad is at work, since I have no records of anything, drug, abuse, neglect... nothing.

You sound like a very caring and loving soon-to-be step-mother! I really wish there were more people like you in the world.

Yes, get married yesterday, not today. Contact CPS again and again and again until they LISTEn to you.

You do not have to be married to report this to CPS.

[JudyKayTee]

Ok, Thankyou very much. I just want the best for the girl, she is only a innocent child that needs a better place to be, nothing against her mom, but when a medical condition interferes with the caring and well being of the child I wil hold my ground especialy when the little girl is someone I love as much as my own kids. I was told if I become married to him the courts will look in favor of me being a responsible care person while the dad is at work, since I have no records of anything, drug, abuse, neglect... nothing.

I thought you were the stepmother - without being married you have no input in this at all.

[Shakeila23]

NO CHILD SHOULD SUFFER DUE TO A PARENT AND THE "LAZINESS" ATTITUDE. THE MOTHER HAS IT 24/7 and don't get me wrong, the mother is a nice women, BUT when it comes to being a parent the "Laziness" and "Ignoring" ATTITUDE needs to stop at some point.

[Fr_Chuck]

Ok, on the legal board

What is the father doing about this, You as "nothing" not even a step mom if you are not married. Have no rights to this what so even legally. You can be there morally but anything has to be done by the father, not you.

So what type of custody paper work in court is there, does the father get copies of the medical reports, has the father taken the child to the doctor to review any of the medical claims.

As for as failing kindergarten what is the father doing to help with the education, has he hired or offered to hire a tutor or do tutor work hisself.

Has the child been reviewed for a learning disability ( eating the pine straw issue) lack of control of body functions and so on.

The father needs to have the mother in court reviewing the care, medical treatment and education of the child.

The father needs to hire an attorney and be in court.

[JudyKayTee]

NO CHILD SHOULD SUFFER DUE TO A PARENT AND THE "LAZINESS" ATTITUDE. THE MOTHER HAS IT 24/7 and don't get me wrong, the mother is a nice women, BUT when it comes to being a parent the "Laziness" and "Ignoring" ATTITUDE needs to stop at some point.

And the only person who can legally stop it is the father. He needs to consult with an Attorney.

In the eyes of the law you have no standing - you live with the father in what is considered to be an uncommitted relationship. Only the father has a say here - and that includes Doctors, schools, therapists, anyone else.

I don't think the mother is such a "nice woman" if this is how she cares for her daughter.

[Shakeila23]

The courts have ordered him weekend visitations that he can have his daughter on SUNDAYS, Holidays and 1 week during Vacations. The MOTHER on the other hand Begs him to take the daughter fridays till Sunday evenings, all of Vacations, and most holidays. Sometimes when she has app and errands she will even drop the daughter off. She also told courts she can't drive due to her Severe MS, and yet she still has a license and vehicle in her name and drives. I have gathered info for the father about lawyers, going back to court (He pays 202 a week) and we have a son together and he is the main father figure for my older son who's father took off last year when he heard he needed to pay child payments. The Mother does not work, is not on any assistance and has "JUST" started taking meds for her condition. (The meds are not working though, the mother had to have a ramp installed at the door due to her unable to walk up stairs) The Mother SAYS the daughter is healthy and FINE, But will not allow the father to go to a DR app. So The Father is getting the birth certificate to go down to the office to ask for a review and explanation on the daughters medical charts next week. I am currently attempting a at home job to increase our income so we can afford a in home child tutor and evaluation on the child mentaly. He is also trying to contact the school where she goes to get a meeting set up with the teacher and princepal, and at the moment we are trying to save money to get a lawyer to go over and possibley file for change of custody. We have a spare room we set up for the daughter, Since she still sleeps with her mom and I will not allow her to sleep with my sons in their room. She still asks to sleep with us sometimes, but I have spoken to her dad about it and we firmly say NO. She even asks to take showers with ME and due to me NOT being the parent I firmly say NO. It's a slow and steady progress, but I (we) just need to know how to slowly ease into handling this situation, we do not want drama, a big court blow out, we just want what's best for the child.

[Shakeila23]

I am sorry about getting upset, its hard for me not being able to do much except watch everything happen and knowing that the outcomes will all be similar and Bad if things stay unchanged. Any good sites/programs that I could look into for getting help for the child?