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bambieboo · Aug 15, 2012, 02:23 PM

My husband and I have been together 5.5 years and our sex life was great but he has been suffering with depession since out daughter went to hospital but even then our sex life was great but recently when we have sex it bill when we start but then the feeling dies down then I have to stop because we will be going for about half hour without cunming and he tells me he wasn't going to but he wanted me to and as that has become more regular I'm wondering if its because I'm now loose after having 2 kids. I do my kegel exercises but it don't seem to change anything. I've asked him amd he says sex with me is great I'm perfect but I'm worried he's just saying that because he knows how low my selfesteem can get . Please help because this is beginning to affect our sex life.

smoothy · Aug 15, 2012, 04:58 PM

First... the word is BECAUSE, not because...

Site rules prohibit chat speak... and it makes you sound like a high school dropout.

Next... I highly doubt the problem is because you are looser than before the kids... Kiegle exercises can help there...

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/keg...rcises/WO00119

Second... speaking as a man... a very tight woman might feel great... but its hard to last for very long. A looser woman is more comfortable and you can last a lot longer... Like you aren't finishing just as she is just getting into it.

Tight vs. loose is like the Sprint vs. marathon race comparison...

Just because you have had two kids doesn't mean you are loose. I've actually dated women that have had three or four kids that were tighter than most others I've dated with no kids... and neither had surgical tricks done to them.

I think this is more all about his depression... and not at all about you. Is he currently properly medicated... and the meds as well as the disease itself will affect libido and performance negatively.

bambieboo · Aug 16, 2012, 08:18 AM

Originally Posted by smoothy

First.....the word is BECAUSE, not coz.....

Site rules prohibit chat speak....and it makes you sound like a highschool dropout.

Next....I highly doubt the problem is because you are looser than before the kids....Kiegle exercises can help there...

Kegel exercises: A how-to guide for women - MayoClinic.com

Second....speaking as a man....a very tight woman might feel great...but its hard to last for very long. A looser woman is more comfortable and you can last a lot longer...Like you aren't finishing just as she is just getting into it.

Tight vs. loose is like the Sprint vs. marathon race comparison...

Just because you have had two kids doesn't mean you are loose. I've actually dated women that have had three or four kids that were tighter than most others I've dated with no kids....and neither had surgical tricks done to them.

I think this is more all about his depression.....and not at all about you. Is he currently properly medicated...and the meds as well as the disease itself will affect libido and performance negatively.

Sorry about the because I did not notice I put it that way.

Yes he is on medication and has been for the past two years, it is because of that fact that I was thinking that because everything was great until recently.

Thank-you for your answer that has put my mind at ease.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 16, 2012, 08:44 AM

Yes, it sounds more like issues he is having, and stress with issues. When you stop, do you finish getting him off in other ways. Or just do other ways at time ?

smoothy · Aug 16, 2012, 08:55 AM

Because of how anti-depressant drugs work... if he hasn't been to or spoken with his doctor yet, (and his prescription has been consistant) perhaps its time. Medications and doseages do need adjusted from time to time.

If he's been good up until recently, it might indicate its time for a change. And do mention these symptoms to them. Don't worry they have heard them all is this is a common issue.

bambieboo · Aug 16, 2012, 09:06 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Yes, it sounds more like issues he is having, and stress with issues. When you stop, do you finish getting him off in other ways. or just do other ways at time ?

Yea sometimes he comes when we try something else and other times he does not.

bambieboo · Aug 16, 2012, 09:16 AM

Originally Posted by smoothy

Because of how anti-depressant drugs work....if he hasn't been to or spoken with his doctor yet, (and his prescription has been consistant) perhaps its time. Medications and doseages do need adjusted from time to time.

If he's been good up until recently, it might indicate its time for a change. And do mention these symptoms to them. Don't worry they have heard them all is this is a common issue.

Hes has changed his medication twice and has had to have them put up ( the doctor was so lost in this case) he put his recent medicstion up to 60mg which should be done, the pharmacy clerk refused to give him the tablets because it was too high so he is now stuck on 40mg. He now has a key worker to help him but he can't meet them for another month. We have mentioned the fact that he sometimes goes soft during and they just say it is his medication and don't gives any advice on how to deal with the situation

bambieboo · Aug 16, 2012, 09:17 AM

Originally Posted by bambieboo

Hes has changed his medication twice and has had to have them put up ( the doctor was so lost in this case) he put his recent medicstion up to 60mg which should be done, the pharmacy clerk refused to give him the tablets because it was too high so he is now stuck on 40mg. He now has a key worker to help him but he can't meet them for another month. We have mentioned the fact that he sometimes goes soft during and they just say it is his medication and dont gives any advice on how to deal with the situation

The medication being put that high should NOT be done.

smoothy · Aug 16, 2012, 09:22 AM

Even when meds and doesages are spot on... there will be some negative effects to deal with... and they will vary from person to person.

Unfortunately, very few people are uneffected to some degree, you at least can be thankful it doesn't effect him as bad as some, when complete impotence can be a result.

Do what you can with the doctors... try to be understanding as its likely something he has no control over, and trust me, if he's like the average guy... this is causing him no small amount of angst even if he doesn't express it to you.

A guy that's not able to perform like a guy... feels like less of a guy because of it.

Do what you can, and find ways that work within his limits... and hopefully it might improve at some point.

bambieboo · Aug 16, 2012, 09:28 AM

Originally Posted by smoothy

Even when meds and doesages are spot on...there will be some negative effects to deal with....and they will vary from person to person.

Unfortunately, very few people are uneffected to some degree, you at least can be thankful it doesn't effect him as bad as some, when complete impotence can be a result.

Do what you can with the doctors....try to be understanding as its likely something he has no control over, and trust me, if he's like the average guy....this is causing him no small amount of angst even if he doesn't express it to you.

A guy thats not able to perform like a guy...feels like less of a guy because of it.

Do what you can, and find ways that work within his limits...and hopefully it might improve at some point.

Thank-you I have found all this information very helpful and the fact that I'm getting another man's opinion has made me feel so much better and confident that we can work through this together.

smoothy · Aug 16, 2012, 09:35 AM

Originally Posted by bambieboo

Thank-you i have found all this information very helpful and the fact that im getting another man's opinion has made me feel so much better and confident that we can work through this together.

You are welcome... also his trouble functioning can feed his own insecurity and make it worse... Trust me... this is very embarrassing to most guys.