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Ash123 · Mar 6, 2007, 01:27 PM

Have you experienced personally or been in a relationship with the child of an alcoholic or abusive parent. Have you been (or been with someone) unusually sexually promiscuous, experimental or confused with intimacy as an adult who was not happy as a child? And how is it now?

My best friend's girlfriend often feels attracted (and has had experiences) with women and she now thinks its in reaction to her father's volent ways. While he welcomes the "adventurousness" and her "cravings" he is now conscious their "fun sex" might be more than just that perhaps. It's complicated, but a journey for both.

I know this is a serious topic and may be too much to broach in some respects, but I just offer it up as an open forum for anyone or no one that wants the space to discuss.

jonjons1girl · Mar 6, 2007, 01:39 PM

It could be she is Bi-sexual, and enjoys it. But I don't think its because of the father. I am the same way you described her. I like women and yes I am new at this game too, and I had an abusive father. It doesn't affect me. I was raped young by a different person and that doesn't affect my sexulality either. But I have asked myself if I thought it had anything to do with what happen to me as a child and teenager, my answer was no. I am in a wonderful and happy 6 year relationship with a man. Although I think he gets a little jealous about the woman thing sometimes, and that maybe because it makes him question himself and is he good enough for me. He is and I tell him that all the time. So tell your friend hang in there.

Ash123 · Mar 6, 2007, 02:43 PM

Well, I am going to go out on a limb here, but perhaps your childhood could have had an effect...

Rape/abuse pathology is strong stuff. There's NOTHING wrong with experimentation, but I'd guess there might be a correlation - especially if it happens after ones "crazy youth" years. It is so ingrained that we never connect the two directly. I have no moral issue at all, but I'd say there's a link we never see. Something from college developmental psych classes. Nothing to do with feeling 100% happy and adjusted, but I woud say if you never spoke with a "pro", that it might be interesting - not to change your sexuality per se, but to address things that happened during development. If one is "born gay" that is normal, but nurture has a big effect on sexual ambiguity - I've come across it all through my life. People find happy stimulating lives through this new paradigm.

But yeah, I'll tell my friend too..

jonjons1girl · Mar 6, 2007, 03:18 PM

I have a minor in psyc, so I know where your coming from and nurture does play a huge role. Just know that its OK to develop a new interest, and that may come at many different times in a persons life. This may be her way of going out on a limb and just finding herself. I Like I said I had to ask myself if it were in relation to the problems of youth and as far as me and my situations it doesn't affect me, they were bad times but I am over it. Believe it were really related to what happened I wouldn't care for men at all, and that could be to different degrees. Thanks though.

Squiffy · Mar 6, 2007, 03:21 PM

My partner is the child of an alcoholic mother. It has caused him to have some serious mental health problems (he had infant alcohol syndrome) but it has never had any kind of impact on our sexual relationship. Ok maybe its quite adventurous, but that's me as much as him and neither of my parents were drinkers.