[EastEndOpera]

A little over a month ago my boyfriend of over a year received news his mother was very ill in hospital (fully recovered now). During this time, he told me he cared about me quite a bit (his words) and appreciated my staying with him when he got the news (we'd more or less kept things casual & light - but monogamous). I told him I'd fallen for him and he said he reciprocated sans the syrupy clichés, which frankly suit neither of us. Since then, he's had increasing unfavorable change at work (no more chance for growth in his current position & the company was purchased by a larger corporation) and is trying to get his personal business off the ground (it was in it's infancy when we met). Since the day he received the news about his mother (with whom he has a troubled relationship) - she is fully recovered now, we haven't been intimate. He has been testier than usual, but promptly apologizes. Thus is a man that prefers to handle everything on his own. So, I've just stopped by several days a week after work to see him & keep him company. It's all I can do, besides assuring him he's a good man and telling him that I know he can handle anything on his own (but, that I'm there for him should he need anything).
My concern in all of this is that I feel the passion has left his embrace & kiss. Often, when I catch his eyes, he looks at me with disdain. Or, acts like I'm ignorant when I don't understand some aspect (usually related to his work) of his conversation and ask for clarification. I have not exercised in several months (3), and I've put on more weight (about 6 lbs) while losing tone. So, maybe his loss of interest and his pulling away is a combination of all of these things. I don't know and, while I've questioned him about his testiness (which he said was due to the hard past few months), I'd feel like a narcissistic jerk bringing up the attraction bit. Any clarification anybody can offer would be greatly appreciated.

[MamaKnowsBest]

My suggestion is you back off a little. You know that old saying, set it free and If it comes back to you it was meant to be. That is so very true. If after only a year you have to question the relationship and the few pounds you put on then what will be your "relationship problems" in the future. Believe me if he was the right one, everything would just fall into place (on both parts). Relationships are work, but so soon? Every relationship is different. You just got to ask yourself if HE'S worth it! Good luck :)

[smoothy]

Its only been a year... odds are he's decided the relationship isn't what he was expecting as happens many times in relationships before two people meet the right partners.

There might be a reason, and their might not be. It really doesn't matter because unless BOTH people feel the same about the relationship... its doomed.

[EastEndOpera]

My suggestion is you back off a little. You know that old saying, set it free and If it comes back to you it was meant to be. That is so very true. If after only a year you have to question the relationship and the few pounds you put on then what will be your "relationship problems" in the future. Believe me if he was the right one, everything would just fall into place (on both parts). Relationships are work, but so soon? Every relationship is different. You just got to ask yourself if HE'S worth it! Good luck :)

Sound advice, thank you. This relationship has had trouble from the start, partly because my family completely rejected the idea of my dating (I am supposed to be the one that takes care of everyone else - sister & mother are both chronically ill) &, therefore rejected him. We are also from different cultures & religions. But, he has his share of baggage, too. Backing off sounds healthy & balanced instead of investing too much in an uncertain relationship. We'll see how that goes. Probably won't be my last post to this site. Thank you for taking the time :)

[EastEndOpera]

Its only been a year....odds are he's decided the relationship isn't what he was expecting as happens many times in relationships before two people meet the right partners.

There might be a reason, and their might not be. It really doesn't matter because unless BOTH people feel the same about the relationship...its doomed.

Thank you for the insight. We will discuss these issues soon to get clarification on what we each now expect from this relationship. I don't know if he needs it, but I need to clarify things to see if this relationship is, as you say, 'doomed'.
Thanks for the insight

[sarahscarlett]

You sound like a logical and intellectual individual.
I am guessing you would be an amazing girlfriend.
I personally think it is just his stress level- stress and depression can really put a damper on relationships and attraction.

Try being open and honest with him :)