[Mathius13]

When I first started high school a year ago, I was just getting out of a really bad break-up. Life went on, but at a horribly dull, monotonous pace with no happiness or love. Earlier this year in January, I started talking to a girl from school. She seemed like a really nice person, and the thing was: she actually cared about me! So, I plucked up the courage and asked her out. Many people found a problem with this; The problem being that I was a freshman and she was a senior. Obviously, we didn't care about the age difference. We loved each other. And we still do.

Fast forward 5 months to now: August. She's rapidly packing and getting ready to leave for college. Her college is 6 hours away in upstate New York. Seeing her is going to be extremely limited (what with gas prices and the times of her classes and such).

She's already expressed to me that, to adjust to life away from home, she would need one of two things: Either keep all of her connections from home and keep in touch with all of her friends that she won't see on a regular basis, OR cut off all her connections so she can experience being a college student with nothing making her home-sick.

We've talked, and she's already admitted she doesn't want to do the whole "long-distance thing", despite her access to a webcam, the postal service, phones, emails, and Facebook. I'm just so torn up over what to do. I love her more than most people assume. And now... she's going to be gone, and I'll have no idea how to cope. Any and all feedback is welcome. Thanks.

[Homegirl 50]

So you are what 14 and she is 17/18?
She is too old for you.
She is right to break this off. You two are in two different phases of life and when she gets to college a 15 year old boy is going to be the last thing on her mind.
Do your parents know you are dating this girl?

[Amyyforthestars]

Unfortunately that's the risk you take when you date someone older when you're both still so young. It's different when your older because both people in the relationship have already experienced life's huge milestones, but there are so many and with an age difference you go through things at different times and it puts so much pressure on the relationship. Yes, break ups hurt especially in a situation like this but maybe you can remain friends. It is possible and totally worth it.

[ScottGem]

I suspect, when you asked her out, she thought it was cute. She figured she would be going away to college in a few months and she wasn't entangled so indulged you. She was probably flattered by your devotion and it boosted her ego.

She is trying to let you down easy by telling you she is cutting off all ties. You are young and will recover from this. Its time to move on.

[Mathius13]

Yes, I'm 15. And yes, she's 18. We started this because I'm more mature than most people we both knew. There were so many things we had in common, and it just made sense. My parents know. They haven't had any problem.

[Mathius13]

I suspect, when you asked her out, she thought it was cute. She figured she would be going away to college in a few months and she wasn't entangled so indulged you. She was probably flattered by your devotion and it boosted her ego.

She is trying to let you down easy by telling you she is cutting off all ties. You are young and will recover from this. Its time to move on.

She would have told me if I didn't stand a chance or if she was doing it just because. We both wanted to be happy, and we did make each other happy. She tells me that she wants to, honestly, start over again when she's done with college. Technically, she's a sophomore because she skipped a grade. She wants to really give it another shot when we both aren't dealing with being in different places at different times.

[Homegirl 50]

You believe that if it makes you feel better.
I can't imagine what a 17/18 year old girl would see in a 14/15 year old boy.
Hopefully when she is around guys her own age she will see the folly of her ways.

[Mathius13]

You believe that if it makes you feel better.
I can't imagine what a 17/18 year old girl would see in a 14/15 year old boy.
Hopefully when she is around guys her own age she will see the folly of her ways.

It's not that I "choose to believe that". I know that. Because she told that to me. This is the most serious relationship I've ever been in.

[joypulv]

You cannot imagine (I think) what 3 years of college will mean. She will meet a seemingly unlimited supply of nice guys. She will plan either a career or grad school or go abroad for something like the Peace Corps - who knows! She will move on and so will you.

I agree with the others who say she is letting you go as gently as she can. People don't drop friends when they go off to college, and sever all ties, unless the tie needs to be severed. If you were to get a car and some gas money and make even one trip up there, you would be in a sea of embarrassment. The age gulf you are in now is nothing compared to the one you would be drowning in at a college. It would be like you having a girlfriend in the 6th grade starting next month!

We have ALL been through the pain of unrequited love.

[dontknownuthin]

Well, the thing is that neither of you will have very good social experiences in school if you're tied down to a girlfriend/boyfriend who's not around, so breaking up makes sense. Don't think you're just breaking up for her - it would suck for you to be tied down to her, too. Now you're free to go to the school dances and football games and whatever else, to a Friday movie or party - to a girl who's living life at your pace, where you live. Even if you're just hanging out with your guy friends, there's something freeing about not being tied romantically to someone because maybe the guys will run into some girls and so on.

You can't really avoid feeling bad about what feels bad, but you can plan some fun stuff and live your high school life to the fullest. Focus on getting the best grades you can so you can have your pick of colleges (and financial aid and scholarships). Get involved in school - sports or band or whatever interests you. Maybe get a part-time job when you're 16. Seek out good friends - if you don't get invited to stuff, be the one to do the inviting. When you're having a good time and are busy, are pursuing your goals and wallowing in success and achievement, it's kind of hard to feel bad about anything. And if you fill the time you would otherwise have been with her, you won't have the chance to wallow in missing her.

[Mathius13]

Anybody who commented, thanks for your input. She's gone, we're done, and I'm on the road to who knows what or where. I'll just download a lot of music I've been neglecting to download, and hope things get better for me.