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Donny16 · Aug 7, 2012, 01:12 AM

My girlfriend and I have been together 5 months now and things are great, but one thing that hurts me so deeply is that she is my first and I lost it to her, but I am not her first. I am her second. Her last relationship last about 2 months but she gave her all to him. I feel like I'm just her sloppy seconds and that things can't be special because she has already done these things with another person. I don't know what to do.. This hurts me so much that I gave her my all but she can't give me her all. I love her so much and she tells me all the time that she loves me too. She tells me that she has made mistakes in the past and she regrets it but I just can't get over that. Please help :(

bigNavySeal · Aug 7, 2012, 02:24 AM

Don't dwell in the past, look into the future. If you really love/care for her, you shouldn't care about such things of her past if she is dedicated to you. Loads of people go through multiple relationships for all sorts of reasons, and there really is no point in looking at her past (unless problems/abuse are involved), especially about nontrivial things like 'I wasn't her first' or 'first time sex', etc. What you have with her now, is what matters, and make sure it lasts. If it won't, you will understand what I mean when you move on. Btw, try to post your thoughts as a question next time, as this is a Q&A forum, not a blog :).

mmresd · Aug 7, 2012, 05:03 PM

You are pretty much a virgin, and so is she for that matter. However, virgin are rare especially as you get older, and accepting people past is not something easy to do, but something that you seriously need to learn if you want to survive in ANY relationship. Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to. It happened, so what? She is not with YOU... if you can't get over it then break up with her, but remember, the next one will always have more of a chance of being more experienced than you, especially because you are so inexperienced in that field. Regardless, life will take you in the way you need to go, and these feeling will start to die as you go from relationship to relationship.

monsieurjj · Aug 7, 2012, 07:39 PM

Past is the past my friend never dwell on it, if you love her truly then accept whoever and whatever she is and she has then make your relationship with her a brand new journey of unconditional love

talaniman · Aug 7, 2012, 08:44 PM

All this self esteem wrapped up in her not being a virgin? Deal with YOUR issues and don't wallow in being a victim of your own making.

Every relationship is special and unique, and holding her past against her is NOT giving YOUR all. Maybe its your youth, or inexperience talking to you. She probably thought she was in love and the guy was special. She was wrong. Then she found you.

Is she wrong again? Did she make another mistake? How old are you both?

Donny16 · Aug 8, 2012, 07:11 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

All this self esteem wrapped up in her not being a virgin? Deal with YOUR issues and don't wallow in being a victim of your own making.

Every relationship is special and unique, and holding her past against her is NOT giving YOUR all. Maybe its your youth, or inexperience talking to you. She probably thought she was in love and the guy was special. She was wrong. Then she found you.

Is she wrong again? Did she make another mistake? How old are you both?

She is 17 and I am 16, we are a few months apart. Thank you very much for your advice

talaniman · Aug 9, 2012, 07:47 AM

All due respect but maybe your bodies are mature, but your minds still have sex/love/lust a bit mixed up. Even older young adults have no clue about the differences.

It's a hard lesson that begins when you lose your virginity at a young age. Or any age to be fair.

C0bra_M3nace · Aug 9, 2012, 09:10 AM

This question reminds me a little bit of my own first question on this site.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...ne-659438.html

Have a look, there's some good advice in there as well as what has been given here.

Donny16 · Aug 10, 2012, 12:15 AM

Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

This question reminds me a little bit of my own first question on this site.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...ne-659438.html

Have a look, there's some good advice in there aswell as what has been given here.

Your link helped a great amount, thank you very much! We are working out the issues we have and we are trying to make things better. Thank you again!

Donny16 · Aug 10, 2012, 12:17 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

All due respect but maybe your bodies are mature, but your minds still have sex/love/lust a bit mixed up. Even older young adults have no clue about the differences.

Its a hard lesson that begins when you lose your virginity at a young age. Or any age to be fair.

Yes we are young and being the teenagers that we are and we do have crazy hormones at this age and we are both learning to make things better and really talk things through. I thank you greatly for your really helpful advice!