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LetLoveBleedRed · Jul 31, 2012, 11:29 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. Around 4 months into our relationship, he cheated on me because of how insecure about my body I was. I didn't break up with him, we just talked through it. At the beginning he talked to a lot of girls, he's admitted to everything that's he's done. He admitted things that I never even suspected. Around 8 months into our relationship, he broke up with me then a few days later got with another girl. They lasted for about two weeks and then me and him got back together. He had sex with her without knowing that she had Chlamydia. Before he found out that he had an std, he had sex with me. So we both got it, but it was completely curable (THANK GOD! ) Him going off and doing all of that really scared him and changed him and I feel like it was a permanent change. He now lives with me and he never really goes out anymore. He just hangs out with a few of his close friends. I have no problem with that whatsoever. It's just the thought of him cheating is ALWAYS in the back of my mind, no matter what he does. I'm not saying that he's changed just because he's said that he has - He acts completely different than how he used to. I can actually SEE for myself that he's changed. Just the fear of him doing it again is pretty much eating me alive and it's causing conflict between us. I love him, which is obvious, seeing how many chances I've given him and I don't want to give up our relationship just because of a fear that I have. I just want to know how I can get over the trust issues and make our relationship better :)

*Please don't say "once a cheater, always a cheater" because I know that isn't true.

joypulv · Aug 1, 2012, 12:28 AM

You know he isn't cheating. You know 'once a cheater, always a cheater' isn't true. He's home, he hangs out, he was totally scared by the STD. Yet you still don't trust him.

Why? I'm going to guess it's because you still are angry about the past. You want revenge, but it comes out as nagging doubt instead, or maybe giving him a hard time in little ways. So you either have to talk it out with him more, really getting your feelings out, or go see a therapist and get it all out there. You could explain all this to him and tell him he has to sit still and listen while you act out all your rage for 10 minutes a day for the next 2 weeks, just to clear your mind, at the end of which he says 'guilty as charged, and I'm sorry.' If all that doesn't work, you might as well leave him.

LetLoveBleedRed · Aug 1, 2012, 01:02 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

You know he isn't cheating. You know 'once a cheater, always a cheater' isn't true. He's home, he hangs out, he was totally scared by the STD. Yet you still don't trust him.

Why? I'm going to guess it's because you still are angry about the past. You want revenge, but it comes out as nagging doubt instead, or maybe giving him a hard time in little ways. So you either have to talk it out with him more, really getting your feelings out, or go see a therapist and get it all out there. You could explain all this to him and tell him he has to sit still and listen while you act out all your rage for 10 minutes a day for the next 2 weeks, just to clear your mind, at the end of which he says 'guilty as charged, and I'm sorry.' If all that doesn't work, you might as well leave him.

We talk about it a lot, sometimes he listens, other times he gets upset because I bring it up a lot. Not so much recently though. I'm considering going to a therapist, because I do have quite a few issues. So maybe that will solves some things. Thanks for your answer by the way!

joypulv · Aug 1, 2012, 02:11 AM

You're very welcome.

cjk888 · Aug 1, 2012, 04:31 AM

I have trust issues as well but never been cheated on, my girlfriend slept withsomeone when we split for 3 months and I didn't but I still feel cheated on even though that's not true. I was very bad at the beginig and asked loads of questions which she was mad about but told me anyway (wish I didnt) anyway its been 4 months now and I am a lot beteer and barelly ever thing about it, a good way to get over it is to keep a diary and when ever you think about it just write what you are thinking also write a leteer to him and say just how you feel. I hate you for what you have done etc then burn it, it sounds childish but at least its out of you
Just to let you know I am 24 male and have a child with my girlfriend.

rider98 · Aug 6, 2012, 08:29 PM

This hits home a bit close. I understabd how you feel. I fight this battle a lot. My GF has told me she has found her soul mate, me, and I am IT. But the past,which did involve sex, keep haunting me for some reason. I have no doubt she loves me and tells me she made a mistake, and its in the past. I forgave her and love her but I hate feeling those things. Talking does help, with him and to someone else. I wish I could help more but I haven't got that far yet. :-)