[TWLOHA]

Well I don't know if this is the right place to come and discuss stuff like this but I'm desperate. I've been depressed for years but as I get older(I'm 19 and a girl) it's been getting worse. Some days I can handle it, some I can't. I'm in college and just when I think things have gotten better because I'm away from my family and other stupid crap I meet this girl. We ended up becoming really great friends then turns out she is a lesbian and we basically came out to each other. Sounds great right? Wrong. She ends up dating this new girl and they basically they fall in love. Me being the good supportive friend I am I show her no signs of me being jealous. But they break up and as usual I'm there mopping up her tears with my comfort.

I was always there for her. Which made me question my reasons for doing half the things I did for her. Turns out I liked her probably more than anyone I've ever liked. I thought I would eventually tell her how I felt which was me falling head over heels for her. But I was too shy and scared and the girl that broke her heart came back into her life. Some other stupid stuff happened between us because of me being so jealous and our friendship basically fell apart. We didn't talk to each other for a few months then we finally mended things but the months apart put some distance between us. So we basically brush past each other nowadays without even a glance to each other. I mean the times we do talk are great but are rare. I'm still in love with her and she doesn't have the slightest clue.

She doesn't know I'm just angry about it. And on top of things I don't have anyone to talk to about my problems anymore. With her I could discuss things I couldn't even with my other best friend(a guy). Nothing is the same. I'm unhappy and I deliberately take sleeping pills so I don't have to endure the pain I feel whenever I breathe. I'm just tired. I feel like no one is there for me. If I died today I doubt anyone would care. Pathetic though right? Well it's how I've been feeling and my eyes burn from crying so much. I know for a fact I'm going to crack and do something stupid like down the entire bottle of pills if my life continues this way.

[Wondergirl]

I'll say what I would say in a difficult girl-boy situation -- get involved with people somehow.

Are you at the college or not? If you are, join an organization like the drama society and help with set design or makeup or even be in a play or two. Get a job shelving books for money or as a volunteer at the college library. Write an essay for me for this site's Blog. :) Get busy! Get moving!

[bubblegumxox]

Hey my brother (older brother)is kind of like you but he has been in the mental with his depression.
He felt like he couldn't tell or talk to anybody bou what was going on so he ended up doing something stupid... he tried to jump of his roof to kill himself but luckily he was stopped and since then I don't give him a choice he goes counseling and he talks to me because I get what he going through so please don't end up doing something stupid talk to someone and let it all out