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10060114 · Jul 28, 2012, 05:03 AM

We just had a baby 6 months ago and yesterday I found emails between him and other guys we have been together 3years and this is the first time anything like this has happened he was responding to and posting craigslist ads with emails about giving blow and go's from the emails it sounded like nothing actually happened but that he tried setting up meetings with mult guys mult times he says nothing happen and refuses to talk to me about it plus I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it

Fr_Chuck · Jul 28, 2012, 05:06 AM

So what do you want to do, perhaps demand he go with you to counciling, since he refuses to communicate and talk about it,

Perhaps leave him at least temp ?

Cheating is cheating, if this had been texts with girls offering or asking for the same, would you already be out of the door?

Being gay or bi sexual is no excuse to have loose moral values and to cheat on you.
So he can either be true, ( unless you have a open relatonship where both are free to have sex with others) perhaps ask him if he cares if you do the same with men also ? Bet it is not OK for you, it should not be OK for him ( used as an example only)

joypulv · Jul 28, 2012, 05:10 AM

If he won't talk to you about it, your choices are to stay and accept it or leave.
I know you have a baby, but can you go somewhere? Family?
Are you hurting financially? I wonder if he is thinking about ways to make money. Has your sex life fizzled? Maybe he thinks quick sex with men is more detached than with women.
You won't know what is going on until he tells you, which he may never do. Do you have any sense of what might be happening?

JudyKayTee · Jul 28, 2012, 05:20 AM

Originally Posted by 10060114

We just had a baby 6 months ago and yesterday I found emails between him and other guys we have been together 3years and this is the first time anything like this has happened he was responding to and posting craigslist ads with emails about giving blow and go's from the emails it sounded like nothing actually happened but that he tried setting up meetings with mult guys mult times he says nothing happen and refuses to talk to me about it plus I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it

He's cheating, either physically or emotionally or both. What would you do if the third person were female instead of male?

He refuses to talk to you about it? I'd face him with an either/or - either he talks to you about what he's doing and goes in for counseling (either alone or with you) or you are done with the relationship.

If he does decide to meet with anyone, male or female, you have no idea what disease he will bring home to you. If the cheating doesn't upset you, the possibility of getting sick should, particularly because you have a baby.

10060114 · Jul 28, 2012, 05:20 AM

I don't know what to do or think. He is 5 years younger then me and ours his his first real relationship I don't know if he's board the past 9 months the been really hard the baby came early we moved 3 times things were finally getting to some sort of normal the emails started June 19th I'm just in such shock

smoothy · Jul 28, 2012, 05:47 AM

This went way beyond a fantasy, and it might have even happened, but I can't see him jumping straight from straight to gay group sex without having gone one on one before.

I think there is plenty of cause for concern here.

JudyKayTee · Jul 28, 2012, 05:53 AM

Originally Posted by 10060114

I don't know what to do or think. he is 5 years younger then me and ours his his first real relationship I don't know if he's board the past 9 months the been really hard the baby came early we moved 3 times things were finaly getting to some sort of normal the emails started June 19th I'm just in such shock

I think you are unrealistic. You are excusing his behavior because (1) this is his first real relationship, possibly his first with a woman; (2) he's 5 years younger than you; (3) you have a baby; (4) he might be bored (not board); (5) the baby "came early;" (6) you moved three times.

Bad behavior is bad behavior no matter WHAT the circumstances. As long as you excuse or explain his behavior it will continue.

And I agree with Smoothy.

10060114 · Jul 28, 2012, 05:54 AM

All the emails were talking about one on one oral and all the emails were like sorry we c like anything happenedconcerned he obviously wants too but tells me he was just joking around I think he is really embarrassed he is 6 ft 220 he was capt of his football and wrestling team we live in a small country town I think he is ashamed to talk to me

10060114 · Jul 28, 2012, 05:57 AM

Originally Posted by 10060114

All the emails were talking about one on one oral and all the emails were like sorry we can't get together it didn't sound like anything happened im just concerned he obviously wants too but tells me he was just joking around I think he is really embarrassed he is 6 ft 220 he was capt of his football and wrestling team we live in a small country town I think he is ashamed to talk to me

Sorry using my phone

smoothy · Jul 28, 2012, 06:00 AM

Originally Posted by 10060114

All the emails were talking about one on one oral and all the emails were like sorry we c like anything happenedconcerned he obviously wants too but tells me he was just joking around I think he is really embarrassed he is 6 ft 220 he was capt of his football and wrestling team we live in a small country town I think he is ashamed to talk to me

There are plenty of burly gay guys out there. They aren't all flamboyant or queens.

10060114 · Jul 28, 2012, 06:09 AM

Originally Posted by smoothy

There are plenty of burly gay guys out there. They aren't all flamboyant or queens.

I know I just think he is embarrassed to talk I know you are all right its just so hard I love him and want him to be happy he swears nothing happened and that he wants to be with me but I just can't trust him if he doesn't tell me the truth about how he feels

smoothy · Jul 28, 2012, 06:16 AM

Originally Posted by 10060114

I know I just think he is embarrassed to talk I know u r all right its just so hard I love him and want him to be happy he swears nothing happend and that he wants to be with me but I just can't trust him if he doesn't tell me the truth about how he feels

I'm guessing he's possibly bi-curious and closeted. So, yes, embarrassed he's been caught.