[tammi3]

I am so lost my 14 year old son wants to live with his dad. I have custody cause his father abandoed his child's with visiting. My son is getting A's in high school. I am not worried about court but as his mother do I let him go? He is now telling me if I make him stay he will start doing bad in school. What should I do

[AK lawyer]

... What should I do

What you should not do is let him get away with threatening you with bad grades.

Legally, the answer is simple. A child has no say regarding which parent has custody.

If I were you, I would teach him that he can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. In other words, if he is good, maintains his good grades, and perhaps does something extra, you might let him visit with his father for a while.

[ScottGem]

To legally change custody, Dad has to go to court.

But I agree with AK, Making threats is not the way. Does he even know if dad wants him to come live with him?

[tammi3]

Yes Dad has been fighting me for years. From what they told me I would lose if I went to court cause they will listen to the child?? His dad is the one who keeps feeling his head with crazy thoughts. I had my son write down why he wanted to live. Some things he said to me sounded just like his father. I was in the court system for 7 years cause my x does not like to lose even though they are children. My son said the baseball is better over there, the clothe stores are better and him and his sister can't live together and his church is better out there.

[Fr_Chuck]

I would not let him go, unless dad wins in court.

The minute he made a threat, all discussion would be over.

Where is the father since you said "over there".

Clothe stores better, bull, internet, clothes are everywhere, baseball better? His team or a national team. him and his sister can't live together, bull
Church better, bull.

So he has no real reasons ?

[tammi3]

Father lives in Diamond Bar and yes that is what I told my 14 year old son with the other reason he wanted to leave. His dad has caused so much drama in our lives He has been abusive and thinks he's God gift to women. I bbelieve in
College my X believes in my son becoming a professional baseball player. I was told by my doctor to day the blood pressure was 184/101 which I was russed in for an EKG to find out my heart is racing to fast and they have to get it calmed down before I have a stroke. They suggessted I should let him go. I have my 5 and 16 year old to take care of but like I told them he's my son and I will not let some person who calls him a father destroy him. I know my son will get in a scholorshp. They my X and his wife just are party animal they even caught my son drinking 3 times with permission from the step mon. What do I do fight or let go?

[Fr_Chuck]

Just tell son NO, end of discussion. And if he starts getting lower grades, make sure he has action right then, stop outside activities that is not study. And make this clear to him what will happen, if grades drop, so do any thing that is not school work

[tammi3]

That sounds good and thank you for helping me out.

[AK lawyer]

... Where is the father since you said "over there"...

Father lives in Diamond Bar and ...

Did you actually imagine we would know where Diamond Bar is? Until a few seconds ago, I sure didn't.

[tammi3]

Sorry I should have explained better