[jessa90]

I'm a 21 year old woman. I just feel so low and depressed. Everything has got me down. I used to be depressed about everything else before my girlfriend came along. She dumped me a month ago and it was my fault because I had trust issues. Its hard not to have trust issues when I've been betrayed by for example best friends at school. People talked behind my back. Accused me of being clingy. How can I not be clingy when its hard enough to make friends and I only had that one friend at school? But I have tried to get over my trust issues caused by the past but my girlfriend just said you know how you treated and won't give me another chance. And she was all I had.

My life is shattered. I don't have friends. I will never get a job. And the things I want to do in life for example follow my religious path which is wicca. My family accept my religion but I only know one or two pagan people. I want to be serious about my path and have help to learn magic and stuff like that. No one supports me to grow spiritually. No one supports me to get a job.

My parents just tell me its my fault I don't have friends. They say I have to approach people and blame me. But they don't understand. They accused me of relying too much on one friend at school when the reality was that I only had one friend how can I not be clingy? My parents just say its my fault I don't have friends. I can't tell them about my ex girlfriend. And all my parents seem to do is criticize, criticize, nag, nag, moan and I've had enough of it.

I can't even think of a time they praised me for anything. Any achievement I've made they never praise me. For example I remember when I did my mock GCSE's at school. I got a C and instead of saying that was good or you did the best you could my dad just said "you could have done better." and no I couldn't. I did the best I could. And if my mum or dad is criticizing and I try to speak up for myself dad just starts in a challenging tone. And if I say I'm going upstairs because I've heard enough he says no you sit and listen and makes me listen to the bull. And if I try to blank him he goes I'll talk to myself shall I? With attitude in his voice.

My parents think they can talk to me in a ty tone but they kick off when I speak back to them in the tone they use. They think they can speak to me like but if I speak back in that tone, sometimes I don't realise that's how I'm speaking because that's the only tone I've been spoken to in, they tell me off for using that tone. And dad even had the nastiness to kick off at me and say who do you think you're talking to? I don't know where you get if from. And I almost said I get it from hearing you speak like that all the time but I was scared. He was getting in my face talking to me like that.

I don't think they'd ever hit me or anything but sometimes I get so scared when he uses that angry tone. And because my girlfriend recently left me I've been depressed all over again. And my parents say why are you quiet? And you need to say if there is something wrong but I can't say. Because they'll just blame me. And I know its my fault.

I didn't trust my ex girlfriend. I wish I had. And there is an origin which I explained earlier that caused my mistrust. And my girlfriend was the only one who seemed to care, seemed to respect and show me love. And I remember being surprised that no, she didn't talk bad behind my back or accuse me of being clingy or anything like that. I'd never came across somebody that nice before. But she won't talk to me and let me explain this to her.

I just can't deal with it anymore. Plus I get people on the internet who think its funny to take the piss and I just want to die. I can't go on any more. I'm stuck in my life. Getting nowhere. I can't talk to anybody because I only have one or two friends hardly any.

If I tell anyone I'm suicidal it'll just get back to my parents. And I' thinking how can I do it? Maybe 13 nytol sleeping tablets and submerging in the bath would that knock me out so that I drowned without the pain do you think? I can't go on anymore

[Fr_Chuck]

No one else is ever going to be there to make you anything. It is your responsibility to make ,yourself happy. No one else can be the reason to be happy. You have to learn to be happy by yourself before you can be happy in a relationship. And you can not judge anyone else by how someone else did .

You seem to have many issues and really should get professional counseling

[LynseyJane]

Your parents remind me of my parents A lot, I would nvr speak bk to my parents because they would get angry and I worried they may slap me or something, I hated not being able to speak back, and Is get told of for stupid stuff.. One day you will meet the right one who will make you happy, think of positive things in life, I think you did well to get a C grade, I only got one C grade for art and I was chuffed lol, and also you will make plenty of friends, just ignore nasty people, cause your better than them. :)

[LynseyJane]

Your parents remind me of my parents ALOT, I would nvr speak bk to my parents because they would get angry and I worried they may slap me or something, I hated not being able to speak back, and Is get told of for stupid stuff.. One day you will meet the right one who will make you happy, think of positive things in life, I think you did well to get a C grade, I only got one C grade for art and I was chuffed lol, and also you will make plenty of friends, just ignore nasty people, cause your better than them. :)

Oh and why don't we be friends? Maybe add me in Facebook? If you need anyone to talk to.. I'll be there, I always listen, talking about your problems will help instead of hiding them and feeling alone.