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delight33 · Jul 24, 2012, 05:00 PM

We've been married for five years. He has a child from previous relationship that lives with us. And we recently had a baby (we lost one before we had her).

But here is the deal. About a year ago I found his emails from someone who was sending photos of his son. So it turned out he had a child a couple of years before we met with someone else. The thing that bothered and still bothers me is that when I asked him, he denied it. I kept asking him and then he told me he didn't know anything until the sister of that ex-girlfriend started sending him emails years later with photos of his son. So now he says it could be true, but he really doesn't know if it is indeed his son (as no tests have been done to confirm paternity) . The mother has never tried to reach out to him, it's only her sister that's sending the emails. He tells me that I should leave the past in the past and that we have a family together and that's all that matters", but I still feel like I've been lied to. Even if he doesn't consider it important to tell me all about his past (and he's not the type to talk about his feelings), it makes me feel like he doesn't want to tell me all the truth and be honest with me.

I should also add that I have a hard time getting over the fact that someone had an unplanned baby with him while it took us five years to have a healthy baby.

I guess I'm just trying to see if my feelings could be justified or if I'm overreacting...

Wondergirl · Jul 24, 2012, 05:02 PM

Why continue to stew in these juices? Someone needs to have a DNA test done.

delight33 · Jul 24, 2012, 05:07 PM

I know, someone has to, but no one has really pushed for it.

I should add that they live thousands of miles away from us. And only way of communication with them is by emails.

Wondergirl · Jul 24, 2012, 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by delight33

I know, someone has to, but no one has really pushed for it.

I should add that they live thousands of miles away from us. And only way of communication with them is by emails.

Your husband can get a court order for a test to be done?

klarsenartwork · Jul 25, 2012, 11:31 AM

Originally Posted by delight33

We've been married for five years. He has a child from previous relationship that lives with us. And we recently had a baby (we lost one before we had her).

But here is the deal. About a year ago I found his emails from someone who was sending photos of his son. So it turned out he had a child a couple of years before we met with someone else. The thing that bothered and still bothers me is that when I asked him, he denied it. I kept asking him and then he told me he didn't know anything until the sister of that ex-girlfriend started sending him emails years later with photos of his son. So now he says it could be true, but he really doesn't know if it is indeed his son (as no tests have been done to confirm paternity) . The mother has never tried to reach out to him, it's only her sister that's sending the emails. He tells me that I should leave the past in the past and that we have a family together and that's all that matters", but I still feel like I've been lied to. Even if he doesn't consider it important to tell me all about his past (and he's not the type to talk about his feelings), it makes me feel like he doesn't want to tell me all the truth and be honest with me.

I should also add that I have a hard time getting over the fact that someone had an unplanned baby with him while it took us five years to have a healthy baby.

I guess I'm just trying to see if my feelings could be justified or if I'm overreacting...

Maybe it isn't his child, ask him to stop communicating with the sister, and if he can't she may be the real issue.

delight33 · Jul 25, 2012, 02:44 PM

Thanks for the responses!

He actually never writes her back, it's her who keeps emailing him.

The boy does resemble my husband from the photos I saw, so I believe it could be true.

It's so complicated, it's been 8 years since they broke up, so the boy is now big too.

I sometimes think maybe I should just get it all out of my mind if nothing is going to be resolved, otherwise I'll go insane...

Wondergirl · Jul 25, 2012, 02:49 PM

Don't you think you owe it to your son, financially and emotionally, that he know for sure who his father is?

Fr_Chuck · Jul 25, 2012, 03:09 PM

I think he should have told you all about it, that bothers me, but this was the past, and since he is not writing back, you should leave that to him and stop reading and looking at that mail.

delight33 · Jul 25, 2012, 04:24 PM

Well, he told me he emailed her sister back a long time ago asking if she was sure she knew what she was talking about, but she did not write back and answered that question. Now she just keeps sending him photos of the boy.

Fr Chuck - I know, I can't really do much, I can't make him do things, it's up to him.