[simon576]

Hi there, I'm new to this forum but it seems to be friendly and forgiving so I was hoping to get some advice from strangers 'cause I'm struggling to find somebody I can talk to about it.

So here's the situation: About 2 months ago my girlfriend of 7 months and I had a mutual break-up. I struggled with the situation for quite a while, because it really happened over the course of a week and came out of nowhere, and because we still really liked each other we ended up spending a lot of time together after the break-up which became quite difficult - not being able to be intimate and what have you. I know 7 months isn't a huge period, but we became very close and nary ended up living together. Essentially it ended because she wanted a long-lasting relationship ending in marriage and children etc and I'm not really the sort for that.

However, the problem is that having thought I'd moved past it a good friend of mine and I got together this past week (which I really didn't see coming), especially seeing as about a month ago I decided I was unfit for relationships and decided not to get into them (how strong-willed I am). Now this girl I always thought was only into random hook ups (she'd said things along this line to me before, and being a friend I assumed that meant off-limits) though now she tells me I'm the first guy she's been with ever. So I'm not sure what she wants from me, whether it's just a random hook-up type thing, or she's actually interested in me. I fear that asking will make me appear insensitive and destroy a very important friendship.

To top it all off, I went out for coffee with my ex the other day just to catch up on holiday stuff and the moment I saw her my heart was in my throat and my brain turned to goo, which is incredibly confusing! I'm also near-certain she's seeing someone else now, but I've gently probed that subject before and met with all the iron defenses known to woman. I don't think I can take seeing her by myself, and certainly not with another guy, especially as the guy I think it is who was interested in her while we were going out.

Now I don't know what to think, it feels like when I'm in a relationship I'm almost apathetic about it - really not a good state of mind. It seems my feelings for the ex have only intensified which is exactly what I don't want, and I feel like I can't have new feelings for other people. I don't know if I should pursue whatever I have with this new girl, whether there is anything there at all, or whether I'll destroy the friendship forever.

[t951]

I have been in the same situation multiple times and I am now in a new relationship that has lasted now for 5 months we lik each other a lot and he is what finally got me to get over the other guys... the best thin to do is to not give up on love because it will always find you if u are patient. What I did was I went through my contacts in my phone and deleted all of there numbers and ANYTHING that was there's or reminded me of them. (basicly deleting them out of my life) even though they wer both in all of my classes in school , I just ignored them and it worked because all of them went cralling bak asking for me bak and by then I was alredy a month into another relationship ( the one I'm in now ) I hope this helps you although its coming from a girl but I know how much it hurts but you have to pull through strong and you will find someone elseDONT GIV UP :)))

[klarsenartwork]

Hi there, I'm new to this forum but it seems to be friendly and forgiving so I was hoping to get some advice from strangers 'cause I'm struggling to find somebody I can talk to about it.

So here's the situation: About 2 months ago my girlfriend of 7 months and I had a mutual break-up. I struggled with the situation for quite a while, because it really happened over the course of a week and came out of nowhere, and because we still really liked each other we ended up spending a lot of time together after the break-up which became quite difficult - not being able to be intimate and what have you. I know 7 months isn't a huge period of time, but we became very close and nary ended up living together. Essentially it ended because she wanted a long-lasting relationship ending in marriage and children etc and I'm not really the sort for that.

However, the problem is that having thought I'd moved past it a good friend of mine and I got together this past week (which I really didn't see coming), especially seeing as about a month ago I decided I was unfit for relationships and decided not to get into them (how strong-willed I am). Now this girl I always thought was only into random hook ups (she'd said things along this line to me before, and being a friend I assumed that meant off-limits) though now she tells me I'm the first guy she's been with ever. So I'm not sure what she wants from me, whether it's just a random hook-up type thing, or she's actually interested in me. I fear that asking will make me appear insensitive and destroy a very important friendship.

To top it all off, I went out for coffee with my ex the other day just to catch up on holiday stuff and the moment I saw her my heart was in my throat and my brain turned to goo, which is incredibly confusing! I'm also near-certain she's seeing someone else now, but I've gently probed that subject before and met with all the iron defenses known to woman. I don't think I can take seeing her by myself, and certainly not with another guy, especially as the guy I think it is who was interested in her while we were going out.

Now I don't know what to think, it feels like when I'm in a relationship I'm almost apathetic about it - really not a good state of mind. It seems my feelings for the ex have only intensified which is exactly what I don't want, and I feel like I can't have new feelings for other people. I don't know if I should pursue whatever I have with this new girl, whether there is anything there at all, or whether I'll destroy the friendship forever.

First figure out what you want in a new mate.

I know you are hurt and miss her but time will heal the hurt. Continue to use your strong will and keep your distance from your ex.

Did you initiate the coffee date, or did she?

Her need for marriage and children is the reason for the break-up. Unfortunately this is not negotiable.

Write down what you would like to have in a future mate. Be honest and somewhat flexible about what you want and what you need. Ask her her wants and needs very early in the relationship, before any romance. Then you have a foundation to build on.

If you are already intimate it will become confusing and you may both depend on each other for the sex alone. Especially if you are the first one she has been with and she doesn't really understand what random hook-ups are all about.

You will not appear insensitive when asking the new girl about her feelings towards you. You will appear sensitive and women love that! Asking her about her wants and needs is the only way to find out if you should pursue her.

Lastly, with any new relationship take some time with each other without being intimate and see if you really like each other and are compatible.