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Señorita Salomo · Jul 18, 2012, 04:51 PM

I am 18 and a half.. my parents are bible thumpers, my father is a pastor. I want to leave this city and move in with my fiancé, get a job and have an apartment together. I believe we can do it, we will both work hard but.. my mother keeps guilt tripping me. She And my siblings did the day of my departure and so I stayed. I know what I want but.. how do I leave with my family in hate for me.. I love them it's just.. I'm different, I don't want to be a bible thumper. What do I do..

teacherjenn4 · Jul 18, 2012, 04:58 PM

You are 18 and can do what you want. But, it is obvious you want the support of your religious family and that isn't going to happen. Can you move out, get a job, and an apartment of your own or with a roommate rather than your fiancé? The issue is living with your fiancé without being married. How can you work around that?

ScottGem · Jul 18, 2012, 05:06 PM

The bible is supposed to tea h love and tolerance. If your family is that wrapped up in the bible, than they should be tolerant of your desire. They may not agree or support your decision, but they shouldn't stop loving you.

Try presenting that logic to them. They might be more accepting if you got married first.

Señorita Salomo · Jul 18, 2012, 05:07 PM

Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

You are 18 and can do what you want. But, it is obvious you want the support of your religious family and that isn't going to happen. Can you move out, get a job, and an apartment of your own or with a roommate rather than your fiancé? The issue is living with your fiancé without being married. How can you work around that?

No, I can't. My childhood friend also lives up there but she is living with someone else at the moment till she can afford an apartment, too. We've tried making this work but there is no other way. This time is my last chance I have to be picked up and if not then I have to find my own way and that could take a year or so. I plan on getting two jobs, one for us and one full check for my parents. I believe the problem is that I'm the youngest out of 6 children, the oldest is 37. We've dealt with drugs and alcohol with 1 of my brothers.. I've been patient, I've never said I've hated them, I've never yelled at them, I'm never disrespecting them, I gave them all my money when I had a job. I thought I wasn't doing anything wrong..

Señorita Salomo · Jul 18, 2012, 05:12 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

The bible is supposed to tea h love and tolerance. If your family is that wrapped up in the bible, than they should be tolerant of your desire. They may not agree or support your decision, but they shouldn't stop loving you.

Try presenting that logic to them. They might be more accepting if you got married first.

I've talked about this with him a couple of times and he told me this "I will marry, I love you with all my heart. But I want to marry you for us, not for them." It does makes sense, I want to wait a little longer as well, we want to save up money for it.

teacherjenn4 · Jul 18, 2012, 05:16 PM

Well, I wish you luck, then. Your parents may end up coming around eventually, but keep in mind they may not and you will have to live with that.

Señorita Salomo · Jul 18, 2012, 05:24 PM

Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

Well, I wish you luck, then. Your parents may end up coming around eventually, but keep in mind they may not and you will have to live with that.

I will make sure to keep it in mind.. I just want to be myself. I just want to be happy. I'm not going into drugs or alcohol, I'm not going to be partying. I just want to live my own life without rules of the bible.
Thank you for giving me your time into replying my cry for help. I really need it, so thank you.

teacherjenn4 · Jul 18, 2012, 05:41 PM

You are welcome. I hope to hear how you are doing.

Señorita Salomo · Jul 18, 2012, 05:44 PM

Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

You are welcome. I hope to hear how you are doing.

Yes, ma'am. I will make sure to tell you how everything goes.

Wondergirl · Jul 18, 2012, 05:55 PM

Originally Posted by Señorita Salomo

I just want to live my own life without rules of the bible.

Actually, Christians live under Jesus' two commandments, love God and each other. We use the Commandments as a guide to do good things, not to curry God's favor and because we fear His anger (and hellfire), but out of love for God and love for others.

It sounds like your parents are stuck in the rule-bound Old Testament and not the freedom (with responsibility) of the New Testament.

- from another PK who grew up and lived for years in a church like yours

Señorita Salomo · Jul 18, 2012, 06:04 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Actually, Christians live under Jesus' two commandments, love God and each other. We use the Commandments as a guide to do good things, not to curry God's favor and because we fear His anger (and hellfire), but out of love for God and love for others.

It sounds like your parents are stuck in the rule-bound Old Testament and not the freedom (with responsibility) of the New Testament.

- from another PK who grew up and lived for years in a church like yours

I know that they're just trying to do what is best for me but I don't want the same life they have, I don't want to live in the church. It's not me, not my happiness.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 18, 2012, 07:45 PM

You are 18 and you can move if it is what you want. I doubt your parents will hate you, they will be angry but will get over it.
Why would you be working to jobs to give one check to your parents?

Señorita Salomo · Jul 18, 2012, 07:47 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You are 18 and you can move if it is what you want. I doubt your parents will hate you, they will be angry but will get over it.
Why would you be working to jobs to give one check to your parents?

To show them that I am being responsible, that they're still important to me and that I still want to help them.

Wondergirl · Jul 18, 2012, 07:51 PM

Originally Posted by Señorita Salomo

To show them that I am being responsible, that they're still important to me and that I still want to help them.

If you were my child, you would better show responsibility by saving a good chunk of money so that you have at least a year's salary in savings.

Do they need financial help?

Señorita Salomo · Jul 18, 2012, 08:00 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Do they need financial help?

Yes, they do. They've been asking me to go get a job and help them, my parents aren't working yet.

Wondergirl · Jul 18, 2012, 08:03 PM

Originally Posted by Señorita Salomo

my parents aren't working yet.

Please explain.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 18, 2012, 08:04 PM

You can't move on your own and help your parents too.
What can't you save some money so you can move on your own or get another roommate.
Are you the only one in the family working?

Señorita Salomo · Jul 18, 2012, 08:05 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Please explain.

My mother has been laid off for over a year and my father has been retired longer than her. My father is around his 70's and my mother is in her 60's.

Señorita Salomo · Jul 18, 2012, 08:09 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

What can't you save some money so you can move on your own or get another roommate.
Are you the only one in the family working?

I have a childhood friend up there as well but she is with someone else right now until she could have her own apartment. I did work for awhile but when school finished I was laid off.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 18, 2012, 08:23 PM

So you are wanting to move, but you don't have a job. Does your fiancé have a job?
Are you wanting to be with him or just get away from your family? How old is your fiancé?