[amandapoch]

Has got me confused. Not usually, but with this one man in particular. We've been "dating" since January. In my opinion, "dating" means that we are still in "interview-mode". The risk of being "cut from the team" is high however, because it has been so long, there is now a question as to whether we are actually still "dating" or is he the "boyfriend"? I had once expressed my want for him to be the boyfriend and for us to develop something serious, but he wasn't ready and therefore, I told him that I would sit back and relax and be ready when he was.

We are both involved in an alternative lifestyle involving fetishes and swinging, which only adds to the confusion. We have had a previous agreement that we would only play with other people when we were together. This new agreement had me thinking that we are now venturing into a full-time relationship, boyfriend/girlfriend, thing. However, a few months after this agreement, I had learned (the hard way, I might add) that the agreement was only within the perameters of the alternative lifestyle. In short, he wasn't including other people who were not involved in the alternative lifestyle. I had told him I was fine with the scenario, just keep me in the loop. So, I take a step back and assume that now if I want to play with any other men/women outside of our "dating" relationship, then I could do so as long as they weren't a part of the alternative lifestyle.

Again, a couple months go by and we are still "dating" and he is now no longer seeing this other girl. He is also referring to me to others on this alternative website we are on as his "girlfriend". However, no conversation has determined this. Now I am in a position that not only have I saved my emotions from getting out of hand because he wasn't ready, but I have also realized that he is not a good match for me in the long term.

Now my question and seek for advice... do I tell him that I've changed my intentions? Do I tell him that I no longer believe that him and I will make a good, long term, loving, boyfriend/girlfriend relationship?

Things are really good at this point. Sexually, socially, etc. However, I know that he is far too insecure and possessive (he doesn't believe I should have friends of the opposite sex), judgmental and superficial. (eg. I have a medical condition that I know is going to get worse before it gets better. I've been down this road before and know that once on a particular medication that I will gain about 30 lbs in water weight that I cannot get rid of. He would not be understanding and would not be supportive as to the cause.)

As mentioned, we travel in the same alternative lifestyle and where I live the community isn't all that big. He has "labeled" me as someone he is dating within this one online community, but not in others where it would be more public (Facebook).