[rokkyr]

How do I get her back?
I broke off with my girlfriend of 7 yrs because we seemed to be stuck in a rut. We had both had long term marraiges. and both got divorced around the same time. When our relationship blossomed. We had a great 7 years of course there were ups and downs during it. Mainly because neither one of us wanted to commit but generally is was really good. We lived in separate house but we stayed (mainly at hers ) every day and night. Just living together but both paying our own bills etc. Some life altering things happened in the months just before the break. That made me think of where our lives, particularly mine was going. I decided to break up and try being single for a while, at the end of 2005 we split. She was devastated. We still remained friends. Throughout the year. I play golf and was playing golf with a woman once a week that used to be both our friends, She did in the early days of playing golf with her ask me if I felt any romantice between us. I said No I liked her just as a friend, we got along well, (I taught her golf and she paid for the games.). I had no romantic feelings for, we were just friends. In March 2006 the golf friend filed for her own divorce. But even though we were just friends my ex felt we were seeing each other romantically, we were not however. Any way to cut a long story short I finshed playing golf with that lady friend in Nov 2006.. My ex and I had remained good friends all year. At the end of 2006 I knew I loved my ex so much and I felt that I wanted to reconcile but not like before this time get married and share everything. When I told her this... Bam she shut me out. Told me that she was over me. We could be friends but nothing more than that. She did not love me. She said it took her 9 months to get over the heartache of losing me. Now she is moving on. It has been 6 weeks since I asked her to come back. We have a some lunches and a couple of really nice talks and just when I think we are working it out she goes back to being angry and shuts me down again.
Is it over?? Or do I stand a chance of getting her back? Now because I bugged her too much, she says she wants me not to call her or anything, she will call me if she wants too. Can anyone please answer me?. have I lost her forever? I love so her so much what can I do? I was a comlete fool. Will some please answer what they think.

[sarxx7]

I honestly do not know. I am too young to possibly be replying to this post. I am eighteen and do not know what I want from life. I broke up with my ex and asked him back the same night. He was being immatured and just really made me mad. I have told him several times that I never loved him and so forth and whatever. I do love him, unfortunately, I say things I do not mean when I am emotionally distressed. Maybe she does not know what she wants and now that she knows you want her back, she is unsure. Like does she get close or does she not get close. She does not want either of you to get hurt again. When I thought I was getting back together with my ex, I am like oh crap, what do I know now. I really do not think anyone knows what particularly is best in situations. But, I mean, you have to let it run its course. If you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you, it is yours. So, I have to let my ex go and do what he wants, he will come back if he wants me back. Same with you, you can talk with your ex and such, but I guess the ball is in her court now. Be strong though! I think you will get through it!

[valinors_sorrow]

I see a lot of confusion that you two created. And what now looks like "power games" -- not good. I don't know how well you will receive my take on this but its seems to me you two use breaking up as a means to indicate there's a problem. I really don't advise that. If you two lack commitment, then I think that tells everything right there and you should have acted accordingly then. Without commitment, problems don't get solved and breaking up becomes the way of saying "I don't like what's happening in this relationship" when you two should have been saying that with your words and working it out instead.

Maybe you need to really consider if you are relationship material since somewhere in that journey a commitment either needs to be made or the relationship is called off -- at least that's how its done where I live?

If you get her back and you both continue in this rather wishy-washy way with each other, then plan on getting more of what you've already gotten -- its just how it works, I believe. You don't get to have the good stuff while avoiding the tough stuff, not without paying some huge price. I am sorry for your loss.

[rokkyr]

Thanks for the reply. If I manage to get her back in however long it takes. I want to commit fully and marry her. That was the whole problem before insecurities and commitment issues. But thanks for the reply