[Nosexforme]

My boyfriend and I are middle aged but when we first met the sex was constant, hot and amazing. Then after about six months he moved in with me. In that time he quit his job and sits around the house playing his guitar and contributing in anyway financially or upkeep up everyday chores. I caught him talking to a tranny late one might for well over an hour. He says they are just friends now and it's nothing. However, after this happened we stopped having sex for I think five months. He also watches a lot of porn and jerks off many times a day. We started up again with sex and it seemed everything was great then the sex stopped again about a year later and come to find out he called this tranny again. I asked him to not contact him out of respect for me which he refuses to do. No sex now for over a month and the rejection is devastating me. He also has still not helped with any of the bills and anything upkeep of the house. I'm ready to throw in the towel with this relationship. He says he's not gay and he loves me but I don't see it. He sometimes will stay up until ten in the morning in a room with his computer. I keep thinking he must be in there either watching porn or jerking off. I'm not getting my needs met. I've even started playing with myself in bed and he just rolls over and ignores me. Ive asked him to go to counciling but he won't and he drinks sometimes a case of beer in that time frame. No sex, drinking, a lot of porn and he's now getting fat. I just don't know what else to do. I love him but the pain is starting to effect me in bad ways that are effecting my health.

[Alty]

He's obviously bi, and I would agree that he's not up to anything good while on the computer until the early morning hours.

He's a deadbeat, he's most likely jerking off and cyber cheating. He does nothing to contribute, and he ignores you.

I'm actually surprised that you're still with him.

If he won't help the relationship, then dump him, kick him out, and find someone that will be in a relationship with you. Right now he's just dead weight.

[beenthere77]

So sorry to hear you have to deal with this. You obviously are attached to him, and remember how things used to be.

But they aren't that way now, and it doesn't sound like the beginning was what YOU thought it was. My guess is that while there was novelty in the new relationship he could maintain interest. Anyone that is spending their time with porn instead of their partner is not dealing with intimacy very well. The tranny-thing may be simply the thrill of the unusual. Or not. But the most important thing is how interested he seems to be to participate in a relationship as a partner in all ways. He seems to want to be kicked out as most people wouldn't be happy with such an arrangement. But you don't want to kick him out so you use all your energy to make him "see" your point of view. It probably won't work. He is provoking you to do something YOU don't want to do... kicking him out of the nest. You've turned into his mama and he's acting like a rebellious teen until you finally throw him out... which is what he needs anyway... in my opinion.

But I know it's heartbreaking to come to the realization that you can't change someone who doesn't want what you want. Don't waste your life on people that don't know how to care...