[winkles]

My fiancé and I have been together for 2 years. He lives in australia and I live in north america. We got engaged in February of 2011 officially and started the process to move him to america in may of 2011. It has been mainly a long distance relationship but every time we are together we have that connection that makes us know everything is right. He has sent me money every month to help with bills just because he wants to feel like he is helping. He still lives with his mother in australia so he does not have any bills of his own. He has been a very dedicated man and just last month he went for his final interview to complete the visa process. He was so worried about answering a question wrong and not getting the visa. We were issued the visa in late may 2012. He was ready to sell things and buy his ticket and move but when it came to finally buying the ticket he freaked out. We talked on Facebook like normal he told me he loved me and asked me how work was. I went to sleep as when it is day there it is night here. When I woke up I had an e-mail titled "i'm sorry" it explained that he didn't think about everything clearely, would miss his homeland too much, and thought I was settling for him. We've had fights in our relationship of course, and the distance has only made it worse. I would gladly move there for him and we talked about it several times but never made a formal decision I guess. It has been 3 weeks to the day since he sent that e-mail and he has not made contact with me since except to say that he was not ready to talk yet. He deactivated his Facebook for the time being and his phone is turned off, so he not only cut contact with me but with all of his friends except his best friend and his mother from what I can tell. Unless he lied in his last e-mail (3 days from the original), he does not plan to break contact forever. Its killing me that one day I'm engaged, going to be married in less than a month, and the next I don't even have contact with the man I'm so in love with. I've considered taking time off work and going to australia to talk to him and get him back by proving that I am not settling and that I do really care for him. It's a lot of money but I've felt like my heart is being ripped out every day for almost a month now. My birthday is soon, our anniversary is soon, and I just want to work things out but I am not sure what to do or if I am crazy for even thinking I can get him back by going there. I mean we were engaged, not just dating or fooling around. He has to know this is hurting me. Any advice would be helpful.

[mmresd]

He needs to make the decision on his own. Go no contact and treat this as a break up, if he ever chooses to change his mind he knows how to find you, until then you need to continue living your life.

[mearbhall]

That's a really rough thing to happen to you, I'm sorry. I can understand him having doubts; it is a HUGE move to make. However, I think he put some blame on you (the "settling" remark) instead of owning how he felt and taking responsibility for it. I also think it was a major cop-out to EMAIL you with this bombshell and then simply say he doesn't want to talk, when naturally you NEED answers.
Of course you're heartbroken. Like I said, I can understand the doubt over moving to another continent and missing his home, but his behaviour I find inexcusable and unforgivable. So, I agree with mmreds. Don't waste your time or money on this man; he knows how to find you and it's HIM who needs to prove something now, not you.